My brother is controlled by his wife.

[Packit]

My brother has been having affairs and his wife found out by reading his texts. This all happened 4 years ago. They have 3 grown up children.

Since then she has gone ballistic, claiming she has post traumatic stress disorder, they have a volatile relationship, sometimes violent, he stays away in hotels for weeks at a time, only going back to clean the house. She won’t divorce him as she feels not financially secure on her own. Instead she uses him as a housekeeper whilst she goes out a lot. She won’t get help for her ptsd but insists my brother is a sex addict and he now he goes to sex addict classes. He’s extremely keen to make his marriage work. 99.9% of women would’ve kicked him to the kerb.

She’s cherry picking what members of family she wants to associate herself with. She’s cutting out my dad, Who’s 94, my mum (written vile and poisonous emails to them both) and me, and disallowing my brother to see us.

She invited my ex and my grown up children over for a lunch over Christmas, along with her sister and her children. Obviously didn’t invite me, apparently invited my dad and mum but they declined as she has been so vile in person to them in the past.

I gave them all Christmas presents and a card, as usual I got nothing back. Not even from my brother.

I want to tell him to grow some balls and stand up to her. I want to punch her in the throat.

I would like to know how others would handle the situation. Would you disown them all ?

Honestly. All three of you sound awful and toxic.

Your brother is violent and a cheat.
Your SIL is violent and controlling.
You also sound violent and controlling.

I think you all need to stay away from each other.

Also, I'd be VERY wary of this:

"He loves her very much and is doing all in his power to stay with his wife. BUT they’re not happy. not happy at all."

It doesn't sound like he loves her at all. It sounds like a power move on his part. If he loved her that much, why would he fight to keep her in a marriage that is making her utterly miserable??

You can't do anything.

Butt out.

Buy Xmas Bday pressies for their DCs.

Tell DPs you don't want to discuss them or have anything to do with them.

The End.

PS ime your interfering will have NO influence on your DB whatsoever so just leave them to get on with it. Once you are out of the loop you won't be hearing about all the ridiculous goings on so won't care.

Skiessoblue my answer to your first paragraph is .. possibly.

And I agree with the rest of what you said.

They have 3 children.. 28, 25 and 21. I have more contact with the eldest one, and get on with the other two when I see them which is about 3 or 4 times a year. I’ve offered them all help, I move around the country with my job a Lot, so i see them when I can.

And I agree with your last post skiesareblue

And I agree with Euphorbia too.

Oh OP I feel for you because in honesty with what you have written he sounds the controlling one unwilling to let his wife go yet unwilling to stay and be a good husband

Look at the cleaning on the one hand it seems a nice gesture on the other imagine how chilling it is that he goes in to a house he no longer really lives in and cleans it. And what that is saying

It seems he spends one month in the hotel and then one month at home, then a month in the hotel, and then home for a month and so on Quartz2208. It’s really no way to carry on.

So I've just read all the updates and it now reads like he's abusive and she's not controlling him - he's cut you off by choice?

She's just a victim by the sound of things.

GiverHerHellFromUs I think it’s a bit of both.