Shall I ask him out?

[caulkheaded]

Went away as part of a large group over new year and got to know someone who I’d previously only met a little. Really nice guy, straightforward, I know his friends, we got on well etc.

We’re both single. Shall I text and ask if he wants to meet up? Only issue is that I’m not very confident about relationships so over thinking it all a bit!

They’re both really really lovely, and we have been friends for a while. I don’t want to end up losing friendship with either. I fancy Bert more but have more in common (I think) with Ernie.

What the heck Thirty - what a horrible response
OP ignore - you go girl ❤️

That's tough then. I'd say attraction is important and if you fancy Bert and he's a nice bloke, he's the one. However how do you deal with Ernie? He sounds nice too.

Will Ernie know you've read his message?

Oh woah! That was mean Thirty, not sure what to advise OP it's all gone a bit Jules et Jim!

Fuck me. What a load of regressive old shite

Ernies message was general enough that I could reply without it being No Thanks, not interested, and he replied with a thumbs up so it’s still “open” as such there.

Hmm yes definitely proceed with caution! You asking the guy you like out will have triggered the other guy who liked you but hadn't asked you out to play his hand.. but it's nothing to do with you I'm afraid it's a competition between the two of them. At the end of the day this is about two guys neither one of whom actually liked you enough to ask you out in a timely fashion. You would be better off forgetting about both of them and finding someone else to date. I've also been in this situation where my interest in one guy triggered his supposed best friend to pursue me and it got very messy. Let's just say they're not friends anymore!

@ThirtyAndASmidgen OP’s not the one making the tit..

Well that's good with regard to Ernie. You just have to wait and see what Bert says.

If Bert wasn't around, would you be interested in Ernie? Physically.

I don’t think they’re playing a game - I know them well enough that that isn’t their personality. I think Bert hasn’t replied because he knows Ernie is interested but I think that’s all.

I didn’t see any of this coming - just started a thread because I needed a bit of a kick to just ask him out and was a bit unsure about it! I’ve spoken to a couple of friends who know us all and they’ve both said that Ernie wouldn’t have asked if he knew I had asked Bert.

Paparazzi shot of Bert and Ernie realising they're both talking to OP

I'd say Ernie was trying to win you over but wasn't sure. Bert knew about this and might have encouraged it by leaving you two alone. So, he may well have shown Ernie your message. So Ernie had to show you his interest by inviting you out. So, if you say no, it will leave the door open for Bert to go out with you.
It's dude's rules.

Or... I have watched too many rom coms, which I probably have.

Haha. Yep. That’s basically them!

Physically yes, Ernie is lovely. Not my usual type, and I think I haven’t thought of him in that way so have never considered it, but he’s attractive.

@lweji that’s romcom rules I’m afraid because the timings wouldn’t have worked. I’m positive Ernie doesn’t know I’d messaged Bert.

There's 1 h difference between you posting about sending a message and again about receiving one. They could have texted each other.

Oh no I agree they're not playing a game but they're vying for position definitely it's too much of a coincidence that all this would suddenly randomly happen on the same day ! The one you asked out has told his mate which has given him the kick up the ass he needed to ask you out. I think right now you would be best to take a step back and date neither of them because this situation has the potential to get very messy indeed and I'm guessing you don't want that

I did it all on WhatsApp, so at the point Ernie text me, Berts message was still on a single tick. My battery had died so I was driving round charging the phone and when I turned it on Ernies message came through but Berts hadn’t been read.

Nothing of value to add at all - but OH MY GOD this is more exciting than any rom-com I've ever seen.

Pulls up chair....

Produces popcorn....

Good luck to you, OP. Hope the outcome is good. Keep me posted because, frankly, I am going to spend the rest of the week wondering what's happened.

And Bert's still not replied ? So the situation is you fancy Bert more but Ernie is the one who wants to take you out? I still think you should take a step back and as this is something that could get very messy!

Any updates OP?

Surely arrange an evening for the three of you together?

No reply from Bert.

BUT... Bert and Ernie have a mutual friend who is dating one of my friends (I introduced them). In the summer the rest of us (not Bert) were on holiday and apparently Ernie was flirty with me then. But I didn’t notice. I thought it was just his personality. She said she’d seen it coming from his side but not mine. She’s not met Bert.

He might be attractive but he's not attractive to you. Wait and see what Bert says.

I'd wait for a reply from Bert. There's a chance neither of them know and he's thinking of a response! For all you know ernie is out and theyve not spoken.