Being pressurised to reveal how many men I've slept with. Is this normal?

[DtPeabodysLoosePants]

Just thinking back over my marriage due to some issues and awaiting counselling. My now exH used to really pressure me to tell him how many men I'd slept with. I refused to tell him. He'd call me a tart, used goods, and make out I was a whore whilst insisting I was frigid as for for some reason I wasn't too keen on sex with him
Is it normal for partners to demand this information? He asked me many times over the years we were together. I never told him. For the record it was less than 18 people. Not many considering the 8 years in total I spent at uni.

I've never been asked nor asked except the first guy I slept with. Don't see the relevance nor why anyone would want to know. Don't particularly want to think of the person I'm sleeping with, with other people.

I seem to recall him asking if it was more than 10 after a while. Something about his manner made me not want to tell him. I knew I'd be judged no matter what the number. He used to tell my friends I'd "been around a bit"

It isn't normal to get quite so uptight about it. It is normal to be a little curious. Stay away from men like this - they're always bad news.

I was asked this question, and the answer was used against me in an argument, so my advice is not to say.

Not normal; DH and I have never been specific about numbers. We’ve more talked about experiences we’ve had and only over a couple of conversations as to us the only thing that matters is we’re now having sex with each other and about what we want to do as a couple

Wow what an arsehole! Insinuating you you're a "slut" oh but also, frigid. Geez.

What you've described - the context not just your thread title - is only normal for abusers.

I'm glad he's your ex.

Have you considered doing the Freedom Programme course alongside your counselling to help you feel comfortable about what's normal in a healthy relationship and what's not?

Although the course covers abuse and the dynamics behind it (i.e. Power and control) it also covers what healthy relationships look like so you have a model for the future. If you've been left feeling you don't know what's normal anymore it could be invaluable for you.

The group courses are free, confidential and supportive. You won't be asked to talk about yourself, you can just listen. Or there's an online version.

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

I don't think it's too unusual to steer the conversation round to the subject and be curious, especially when you're quite young. If you know the person well, then you might even ask outright. But people don't normally demand to know, and obviously don't normally use the answer or non-answer as ammunition.

You refusing to tell him probably made your past sound much more intriguing and interesting than it actually is

Victim blaming.

Not normal no

I agree with those saying that the question itself can be fine, in the right circumstances. DH and I have discussed numbers, past experiences, all sorts, and it's fine. Not pressurised; on equal footing; actually a lot of fun to discuss.

But what you're describing is abusive.
Glad to hear he's an ex

It's fine to ask, once, if you're having a conversation where the question seems reasonable.

It's not normal to continue to pressure someone into giving you and answer, or to demean them in any way, shape or form.

I'm glad you left him.

Also agree with @AnyFucker - it is NOT your fault for not telling him.

If it’s part of a shared conversation then it’s fairly normal but the way he asked was not normal, especially his disgusting reaction.
Very glad you left him!!

No of course it’s not normal
He was looking to make bullets to fire

No, it is not normal, and no, he did not have a right to ask and you had no obligation to answer.

He is a nasty, vile misogynist with a horrible view of women and no, he would not have ‘dropped the matter’ if you had told him.

I’m so glad he’s now your ex husband.

We have had the conversation, and discussed past history and so on. I don't think that is a problem in itself. It is a separate issue, him calling you names (who says 'tart' these days anyway?!) and that attitude is a big problem.

I totally agree with @AnyFucker. No answer would placate him, anyway, because his behaviour is irrational.

Him using it against you isn't normal. And people bragging on your post isn't normal either. If it was up to me I'd never have sex again. I don't get how people can just sleep with anyone. They could be a psychopath for all you know!!!

Nope not normal.
I have no idea how many people my DH has slept with I'm not even 100% sure how many people I've slept with myself!
We've discussed our previous significant/long-term relationships but I couldn't care less how many random shags he's had.
Your ex sounds awful.

No, it's not normal. I'm glad he's your Ex now. If someone pressed me for a figure it would put me right off.

People aren't bragging about the number of men they have slept with. They are showing the OP that there is no need to be ashamed about the number of men that you have slept with, and that a high number does not mean you are worth less. Trying to counteract the damage done by her exh.

My DH has never asked me and I've never asked him. Not my business.

No, not normal. They are a twat & this is a red flag for a sexist arse at best, at worst an abuser gathering ammo to control & belittle you with later. Run!!

No that’s not normal. I had this with an ex he was controlling and abusive, asked me over and over to “try and catch me out”. Funnily enough he refused to disclose how many women he’d slept with the one time I retaliated to ask him how many, I wasn’t interested and didn’t want to know but out of sheer frustration I asked him, and it didn’t go down well at all, double standards 🙄 I’m so glad he’s your ex 💐