He made a dodgy comment

[Sayasaya]

Early days of seeing a new guy, I like him. He seems really decent and sounds like we have similar values. I was scrolling through social media and saw a comment an old friend had written about him a long time ago (probably when they were mid twenties so eight/nine years) which I really don’t like:

“Lol I’m listening to Matthew say to Brian 'You know what Brian, I'm not racist, in fact I love [insert race here] so much, I wish I could line them all up in order of darkness and have sex with the darkest first'. To which Brian responded 'Oh cool, kind of like a colour spectrum'

Mathew is the guy I am seeing, Brian is his friend who is of that race. The conversation has been documented on social media by a different friend. Wtf - I need to say something don’t I

No, you don't need to say anything really, you just block his number and all forms of contact. Normally I'm not a fan of ghosting but this "man" is repulsive.

Yeah, that would be the end for me

Yeah... no. An immediate ghost for me

My thoughts also. Feel sick

Weird comment - however the fact that Brian himself is of that race and that that are still friends now - possibly gives it some context which we don’t know. It’s unlikely Mathew is actually a racist.

However - given that you are combing social media posts from 9 years ago - I’d say you two aren’t a match.

Omg I can’t get past the fact that you stalked his social media back 9 years

I’m not combing, I saw it and I can’t really “un-see” it

It was a timehop

"eight or nine years ago"

People grow up and are often hideously embarrassed by things they once said or did. But no one is allowed to grow any more are they? We're all hostages to every single, , Ill thought-out thing we've ever stupidly put out there, taken out of context, and weaponized.

As him about it.

We've all been dicks.

Either way, it's not good

I also think it was just some friendly stupid joke with his mate NINE YEARS AGO and you’d be pretty unreasonable mention it. I can’t believe you’re THAT annoyed about it - it seems obvious it’s just stupid joking. Yes it’s of bad taste but so are lot of jokes people make with close mates. I can’t believe you’re so annoyed about it that you’d be willing to admit you social-media-stalked him back NINE YEARS. If I was him I’d think you were unhinged!

Misogyny and racism are probably not what you want to discover at the start of a relationship, end it before you can learn anymore about him since you don't seem like a match. Do people not realise what they post on the internet stays with them?

Oh for goodness sake. It’s annoying to read these replies. A lot of you sound like hard work. Would you really confront someone for a joke they made to a friend nine years ago? When they’ve grown up and are a really nice decent person? You’d throw away your relationship by being high and mighty, because you’ve never made any inappropriate joke or comment with a friend in private in your LIFE? Things like this are so blown out of proportion on MN, people in the real world wouldn’t overreact to everything like this. Or do, say something, but he will probably think you’re hard work and dramatic and making an issue out of nothing and I imagine he will reconsider the relationship.

Agree with daddy in 9 years someone usually matures.

@Poorolddaddypig - at last, the voice of reason! Couldn't agree more.

Had he reshared it to his social media from his 'memories'/timehop? If he has, it doesn't sound like he's changed unless he's written a comment alongside it about how mortified he is he's ever said that.

How old was he 9 years ago?
I dunno. On the one hand, maybe a stupid joke but friend of same race, and is still his friend (yes?) so might not see him as racist - bit predatory sounding though... On the other, you were definitely stalking (scrolling nine years back... or when was the time hop?) and it will sound like it if you raise. All round bad deal. Sorry.

Racist misogynist should be a deal breaker I would think.

OP - if Brian (black, I presume) chooses to be your guy’s friend for years - isn’t that evidence enough that Mathew isn’t racist?

You, however, are weird. This is some stalking if you felt the need to go 9 years into the past. No one finds such old posts accidentally. Why did you decide to do it?.

I don't understand what makes you, poorolddaddypig, think they are a nice person now when confronted with proof they were not a nice person then?

I’m pretty sure the partner could find something red flaggy about OP if he examined her social media/ utterances over the last decade

Trawling social media,is turning your brain into jelly with that way of thinking.

It was hopefully an ill educated and immature thing to do at the time
He's so stupid it's still on there.
Sorry, what's his job? 😱