He made a dodgy comment

[Sayasaya]

Early days of seeing a new guy, I like him. He seems really decent and sounds like we have similar values. I was scrolling through social media and saw a comment an old friend had written about him a long time ago (probably when they were mid twenties so eight/nine years) which I really don’t like:

“Lol I’m listening to Matthew say to Brian 'You know what Brian, I'm not racist, in fact I love [insert race here] so much, I wish I could line them all up in order of darkness and have sex with the darkest first'. To which Brian responded 'Oh cool, kind of like a colour spectrum'

Mathew is the guy I am seeing, Brian is his friend who is of that race. The conversation has been documented on social media by a different friend. Wtf - I need to say something don’t I

Thanks all... I did mention it to him and he took it very seriously and says he knows he comes across like a complete dick but was not like that then and certainly not like that now, and hopes he can show that to me... I’ve asked to give me a few days but reckon I will see him again. There were a few other choice comments that came up (other sexist things etc etc) which were encapsulated in this social media thing, it’s basically a really long post someone had written back in the day in which he’s mentioned multiple times and comes across like a complete tosser. It’s since been shared again recently which was how I saw it

Well I guess there's a lesson in that for all of us - to pass onto our kids too - be very bloody careful what ends up linked to you on social media!

Right maybe I’m totally misunderstanding this but he made a joke about (for arguments sake) black people, to his friend Brian who was black, and Brian went along with the joke? Is that right?

If I have read that, Matthew is far from racist. I’ve known loads of blokes with that sort of sense of humour and friends who can rib each other like that are absolutely NOT serious. 9 years ago we just weren’t so bloody wet about what we say online.

If he was was serious? Dump his arse. Not alone the racism but the tone of the sentence. However I would factor in immaturity and not knowing better - fuck, I’d hate someone to judge me on a sentence from 9 years ago!!

What do you mean Capricorn?

I've made some, what would sound like, very inappropriate tasteless jokes with best friends and dh because I'm taking the piss out of racism itself if that makes sense. Could it be that?

Racism is a dealbreaker to me but I also dont agree with this recent "cancel culture" that is going on. You need to talk to him about it. He made a stupid offensive comment 9 years ago. If he still agrees with this comment then yes, dump the idiot. But we have all made stupid offensive comments in the past- particularly when we were young and naive and stupid. If he says "omg I'm so so sorry- i was an absolute wanker to make a comment like that and i totally see how offensive it is"
then you have your answer.

"Line them all up a d have sex with then in order if darkness" ...

Nice way he views women and sex, eh.

Some of the replies itt are mind boggling
And blaming op for being weird and assuming she'd trawled through old SM posts when she didn't.

Aren't bankers notorious for sex industry use and infidelity.

I'd wonder if his core views on sex and women have really changed all that much.

I'd love to hear what they'd think if a woman said "I'm not racist in fact I like black men do much I'd like to line them up and fuck them all in order of colour /darkness" .. in sure they'd think she was excellent relationship and future wife material.

Even the "lining up in order of darkness" is just so objectifying.

Oh and you said you saw other stuff that demonstrated his attitude to women - have my doubts he's changed all that much (?)