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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What does this text mean?

137 replies

Shakespearian55 · 04/01/2020 21:44

My apologies for this being so teenage.

I've been on a couple of dates with a man I really like. I asked him if he was free for a drink yesterday, which he wasn't. Fair enough. So I text back saying 'Okay. Let me know if you do fancy a drink one day x', and the reply was 'Of course x'.

Is he saying of course he'll let me know if he does decide he fancies it, or of course he does fancy it? I don't want to make a fool of myself by beating a dead horse, but I've been single for years and really like him.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 04/01/2020 22:16

Op, some of these replies are crazy. You asked him to do something. To let you know if he fancied a drink. He replied of course, as in of course he would.

Doesn't mean he doesn't like you. Doesn't mean he does. He simply answered the question. He will let you know if he fancies having a drink with you.

kateh22 · 04/01/2020 22:20

It sounds to me like he will let you know when he is free and he is interested but if I were you I would ask him when he's free or inform him about when you're free to see if he sounds willing to set anything up!

Jellykat · 04/01/2020 22:20

I wouldn't text again, you've let him know you're up for a drink and the balls now in his court, which his 'of course' acknowledges..
So get on with your life, if he gets back to you with an offer, great! if not, his loss...

rumandbiscuits · 04/01/2020 22:22

I'm not sure after your updates I would say that it actually sounds quite positive. But definitely wait for him to text you next, don't be too keen and text again! Stay strong and distract yourself.

Original poster

Shakespearian55 · 04/01/2020 22:22

@Bluntness100 I was clinging to the hope that he was replying the other way, as in 'Let me know if you do fancy a drink one day' and the reply was 'Of course [I do].' Think I'm deluding myself though.

OP posts:

P999 · 04/01/2020 22:26

He knows you're up for another date. Don't double message!! If anything, that might put him off, since he's with his kids. Relax! What will be will be

NegroniOnIce · 04/01/2020 22:26

You again?

Original poster

Shakespearian55 · 04/01/2020 22:28

He knows you're up for another date. Don't double message!! If anything, that might put him off, since he's with his kids. Relax! What will be will be

This was last night, not tonight. I didn't reply to the 'of course'.

OP posts:

Original poster

Shakespearian55 · 04/01/2020 22:29

Sorry, @NegroniOnIce? I've never posted about this before.

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Queenest · 04/01/2020 22:33

Let him chase you. If he doesn’t you’ll know he wasn’t bothered. If he does then great.

I know it’s hard to switch off but I do think that people are more desirable if they are less available iykwim. I don’t mean to sound harsh, it’s just my experience.

Hope a nice chap comes your way soon OP

MintyMabel · 04/01/2020 22:34

How would complete strangers know any more than you do?

Why not just ask him?

BunnytheBlueWhale · 04/01/2020 22:36

I agree with @Queenest

She’s not going to ask him @MintyMabel There’s nothing wrong with asking what we think - no one is obliged to take a view and reply!

Nanna50 · 04/01/2020 22:39

Last night he may have been pre occupied with his DC so just sent a quick reply. Just wait for him to text in the next few days.

MandalaYogaTapestry · 04/01/2020 22:47

OP, did I read it correctly that it was you who initiated your two meet-ups ( you said you invited him to some things with friends)?

SirVixofVixHall · 04/01/2020 22:52

He wasn’t free, he was busy, that doesn’t mean he suddenly isn’t interested ! Impossible to tell from such a short reply, but I would assume that he will be in touch to meet up when he is free.

Original poster

Shakespearian55 · 04/01/2020 22:52

OP, did I read it correctly that it was you who initiated your two meet-ups ( you said you invited him to some things with friends)?

No, that's not quite how it was. I met him in a bar through a mutual friend and enjoyed his company. He wasn't doing anything over Christmas, so I said he was more than welcome to join me & my friends for our Christmas night out, so he took my number and later text to see if the invitation was still open. At this point, in all honestly, I wasn't interested in anything romantic. Then a couple of days later he text asking if I was free for a drink, which I wasn't. He then asked if I knew anywhere good to go on NYE, and I told him my plans and asked if he wanted to join us, which he did.

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Daisydoola · 04/01/2020 22:55

Meh.

Who knows what he means. Text him tomorrow and see if he's up for a coffee. Keep it breezy.

Queenest · 04/01/2020 22:56

No don’t text him! Let him do the running.

Original poster

Shakespearian55 · 04/01/2020 23:03

Aww I don't know what to do! I know he's at a do tonight so I was going to text him tomorrow to see if he enjoyed it, but after the advicenhere maybe not.

I am 100% sure he was very keen on me before NYE, and even then it took him four days from seeing him on Christmas Eve to him getting in touch again.

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darthbreakz · 04/01/2020 23:10

Hmmmm. I think his response is a keeping you guessing one. Someone who's not going to play games would either suggest a time or a rough time - i.e. "I'm around thurs or fri" because that's considerate.

I wouldn't text him again. Wait for him to get in touch. But don't get your hopes up. He sounds annoying.

BilboBercow · 04/01/2020 23:16

He knows you're interested. He's not asked you out. I'd say he's not that into you but keeping you on a back burner. Sorry op! I wouldn't text again. Let him come to you but if he doesn't ask you out soon I'd let contact peter out completely

MandalaYogaTapestry · 04/01/2020 23:17

I see, thanks OP! Don't text him again. Even with a "hope you had a good time yesterday". He knows that he declined your offer of drinks. And he knows that it's his turn to make the next move.

Greta1985 · 04/01/2020 23:20

I don’t know how old you are and I hope this doesn’t sound patronising but I want to give you some advice, as relationships are really the only thing I have real experience in!

He has shown he likes the chase as you weren’t interested in him at the beginning and he pursued you, then you switched and pursued him, this has begun to put him off.
Do not message him again.
If he wants to contact you he will, you have already made it clear you are completely free for him in your message. I repeat, do not contact him.
You need to put him as far out of your mind as possible (I know easier said than done).
Remind yourself of all the reasons you like being single and all the great things you have in your life without a man. Be the person that doesn’t need him.
Be kind to yourself, if he doesn’t text/phone then it’s totally his loss.
If you do end up meeting him again, get the phrase ‘I want you but I don’t need you’ into the conversation somewhere. I know it sounds stupid but trust me it works! Also I know how insane this stuff can make you feel, got the t-shirt and the 8 years in the wilderness of london single life badge to prove it! My DP is great now but we did need some ‘work’ in the beginning shall we say! Good luck!

NightsOfCabiria · 04/01/2020 23:27

Dont text him again and if you can, try to make him less of a priority by dating other people. If he gets even a whiff that you’re chasing him, he’ll be off (or just see you as a sure thing and use you).

Sad but true unfortunately.

Original poster

Shakespearian55 · 04/01/2020 23:42

I'm 11 years single so far @Greta1985. Appreciate the advice though

try to make him less of a priority by dating other people

I wish I knew where all the men to date were hiding.

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