Life after affair (staying together)

[Silverbirch78]

Hi all, first time post but been lurking a while. So in August I found out that my husband of 15 years had been having an affair. He met OW online in June , they met a couple of times over a coffee then met for lunch at a hotel. He went to her room, began to kiss her but freaked out and left. It took a while for the whole truth to come out. I’m at a point where I believe I now know everything. I have decided I want to work through this, believe it or not he is an amazing man and I love him dearly. My question is for those who have been through the same how was life for you in the months after you found out? Do you ever trust again? I know that it will take a long time to deal with this, but I want to stay in this relationship. thanks in advance x

@MakeMineALargeDouble I love that you're honest about wanting it to cause grief for her!

What you're saying making sense as well, really. I wouldn't be able to cope with it I don't think but your logic is sound!

Been there , tried to and it just didn't work out - the usual story : first year after he makes great efforts but you are still in too much pain to reciprocate and he thinks and says " you should be over it by now" ...it never goes away . With every little comment or argument it is there ready to rear it's ugly head . So I do know and then I also know from my best friend who is still with her H ( why ? I would say likes the lifestyle and it's too much hassle to break up ) who says "everyday I wonder why I am still with him ". It still causes her a great deal of pain . My pain ? I have forgotten about it and am now married to a lovely man who has never been a cheat but who was cheated on .

I'm with you Silverbirch78 given the choice between selling houses, having a fucking long row about who owns what, who owes who what - subjecting kids to shuttling found the fucking country EOW just so each parent gets their 'time' .. going back on the dating scene.. and my god , what a place that is for weirdos, gas lighters and accomplished liars...

Nope. For me, I would do the same as you and give it one more try. Everyone deserves a second chance. Does sound like massive knob-head crisis.

The alternative is desperately unappealing. One chance though happen again I would take the shirt off his back and the socks off his feet.

Don't get all wrapped up in did he/didn't he put his knob in her. It's completely irrelevant. He sought out another woman. That's infidelity. The rest is just semantics.

Sorry OP but their is no way that is the wrong story!

I went through this with my partner and it's been around 2 - 3 years I've slowly got over it but I knew it would be hard when I choose to stay together

My take on it is, like has been said above, that to actively seek out someone online is making a positive decision to cheat. Not just thinking about it, actually doing it.
I don't believe that he ditched at the last moment - he is just saying what he thinks you would want to hear.
Do you have children OP? If not, I would not be able to forgive and forget. If children are involved, then maybe he deserves another chance.
How did you find out btw? Did you catch him out in a(nother) lie or did he just confess?

@crunchie3008
I'm not in contact with her OH but have been told that he knows. (If he didn't know, I would have told him as in my opinion everyone deserves the truth if it directly affects them).

Hope you're ok OP.