Dh days off. Would you find this odd?

[DrMadelineMaxwell]

Dh and I compared diaries the other day. I'm a teacher so have a lot more time off with the teen dds than he does. I also like to travel a little and he does not so I have a couple of short breaks booked for this year with the dds that he won't come on, which is fine as they were booked knowing he wouldn't be coming.

He came home from work and told me he had booked most of his days off for the coming year.
Apart from the shutdown days over Christmas he has booked off...

The week I'm taking the kids abroad at easter and...
The week I'm taking them to london in the summer.
Oh and the week that we have as a family away in the UK at whit... but he's not sure if he is coming on that break yet. (He usually does).

I think a few days to yourself is fine. I think trying to schedule your holidays to avoid all holiday time with your wife and kids - weird.

I’m sorry but I find this weird

He’s your husband. He’s their dad. He is happy to do his DIY, do his hobbies, take time off to do sod all while you’re all away, but he doesn’t like to go on holiday with you guys?

That would be a deal breaker for me. He chose to have kids, if he doesn’t want to be a family and do family things then he can leave imo.

Don’t get me wrong I’m someone who needs my own time alone. I can easily spend days in silence doing nothing.. in fact I NEED that time. But that’s no excuse.

I think that's pretty shit of him tbh. My DH takes one of his week's holiday to go away for his hobby, which is fine, but the rest of his holidays he saves for family/couples holidays. I can't believe your DH got away with missing family holidays when your dc were small, why did you put up with that?

Do you spend time together with him OP - nights out, meals, the cinema, the pub, whatever else? I find the dynamic you're describing very strange, and I'm battling to get a handle on how you feel about it.

Maybe he's taking the time off at the same time so you spend more time together? Less time part

What does he do on these weeks alone at home with no wife and children around?

He’s having a break from work, but from you as well. A balance would be fair, but this isn’t balanced, or fair.

Has he always used his work hols for "alone time" when you take the DC away? Or is it just since the DC are older?

It seems utterly weird to me but does he do a lot with you and the DC at weekends/other times?

I’d find it very odd

So weird. I'd be really pissed off about this.

My DH would do this...and not do DIY either.

He's just a loner and it is so frustrating.

I’m the loner in our family , my DH & DS have just come back from 2 weeks in the US (yes, over Christmas!!), I could have gone, but very happy to stay home alone. Our DS is a teenager so no ‘childcare’ as such needed, they had a fabulous holiday & I am just delighted that they have such a great relationship.

He's definitely an introvert. He spends hid time chilling and doing DIY and phones me daily to fill me in on what he's been doing.

The most weird bit is starting this thread.

Yes, I do find your arrangement weird and I wouldn’t want to be in your marriage - but if both of you are happy with it, why do you care what other people think?

But you have booked hols without him? Why is it ok for you and not him?

If its the norm for you and you're both happy with it then it's fine. Different strokes for different folks. Would I do it in my marriage? No way, it would upset me that DH was actively avoiding me and the kids.

The kicker in all of this for me is taking a week off after the 6 week holiday when the kids are back at school. That's taking the piss if you've been sole childcare provider for the entire holidays. If he's also had a few weeks off over the summer, fine, but if not he's being an entitled twat. I occasionally book in one day of annual leave mid week to enjoy some me time, have a lie in and catch up on crappy TV but our annual leave is mostly spent covering school holidays (often seperately) and making sure we can spend time as a family. Doing anything else seems utterly bizarre to me, but then again you probably think we're the weird ones

Hm yes I find this odd. I would be asking for a commitment to come on tge UK break tbh.

I wouldn't be bothered by it. My DDs are late teens now, so no hassle on holidays.

Tbh once DH took our DDs away when they were still in primary school and I was so looking forward to the peace.

He sounds like an introvert who misses his own space. If it doesn’t bother you too much, nd you don’t feel unloved or unappreciated- then I guess it’s a compromise you make. Sad for the dc though, as they miss out on whole family together time. But then that’s not always what it’s made out to be.

I would be investigating exactly who he plans to spend that time with.

But does he spend any time alone with the dcs?

Does he not see that it looks like hes avoiding them, and you?

Other than paying for stuff, what does he think being a father entails?

Taking a different week off in the school holidays would look like he was avoiding the trips away. Taking the same weeks off and still refusing to go, looks like hes avoiding you and them.

How is that not offensive and a great big warning sign he doesn't want to be with you?

OP I think the ringing you up and expecting praise for the DIY done whilst you take the DCs on holiday would wind me up enormously. If DH refused to come on a family holiday and then took the same time off to do DIY I'd be damned if he phoned me up every day whilst we were away. But obviously your marriage is very different so if it suits you, then fine.