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Original poster

Dh days off. Would you find this odd?

96 replies

DrMadelineMaxwell · 03/01/2020 09:16

Dh and I compared diaries the other day. I'm a teacher so have a lot more time off with the teen dds than he does. I also like to travel a little and he does not so I have a couple of short breaks booked for this year with the dds that he won't come on, which is fine as they were booked knowing he wouldn't be coming.

He came home from work and told me he had booked most of his days off for the coming year.
Apart from the shutdown days over Christmas he has booked off...

The week I'm taking the kids abroad at easter and...
The week I'm taking them to london in the summer.
Oh and the week that we have as a family away in the UK at whit... but he's not sure if he is coming on that break yet. (He usually does).

OP posts:
stilldoesntknowwhatshappening · 03/01/2020 09:52

It's a piss take.
So he has absolutely no plans to spend anytime with his children?

To spend any relaxing time at home with his wife.

JosefKeller · 03/01/2020 09:55

As long as you are both happy about it, why would there be an issue?

The week off after leaving with dealing with young kids is not acceptable though, but that's gone.

Your arrangements wouldn't work for me and my DH at all, but odd? Each family has their own dynamic, so why not.

IHateBlueLights · 03/01/2020 09:56

He sounds utterly selfish. Your poor kids to have such a father.

LEELULUMPKIN · 03/01/2020 09:56

I would find this v.hurtful OP. Having said that, travelling together is a very important part of our marriage and I just couldn't imagine being married to someone who was so radically different in that way.

We do have breaks apart, we are not joined at the hip, but the majority of our "adventures" are always together.

I think it is v.selfish of him not to make an effort for the children and you.

happycamper11 · 03/01/2020 09:57

@JosefKeller I think the fact she's made a thread about suggests she's not 100% happy.

MamaKarmaLlama · 03/01/2020 09:58

It’s odd.

Oblomov20 · 03/01/2020 09:58

Hang on a sec, op said she had already booked trips abroad with dc, for just her, that Dh doesn't go on.

So this has been the case for a long time.

strawberry2017 · 03/01/2020 09:58

I wouldn't be happy with this, he is a parent too and should be using his time to spend with his kids and wife. Not just keep it all to have time to himself.

Candyfloss99 · 03/01/2020 09:58

It's very odd. He's actively avoiding his family.

pictish · 03/01/2020 09:59

Seems a shame he doesn’t want to spend his free time with his family.

PlanDeRaccordement · 03/01/2020 10:00

I don’t think I’d be too bothered by it because you do get a week all together as a family holiday.

Since he likes DIY, he probably thought it would be less intrusive if the house were a construction zone while you and kids were away. If he booked weeks where you were working and kids in school, coming home to a construction zone would be very annoying.

He may also be introverted and so needs time off alone to actually relax. For introverts, family holidays are the opposite of relaxing.

Original poster
DrMadelineMaxwell · 03/01/2020 10:00

Dh wont go abroad. Has no passport but diesnt want that to stop us wanting to travel. This is the (counts) 6th year we will have a week away somewhere.

OP posts:
YorkshirePud1 · 03/01/2020 10:02

I think it's a bit odd, but if it works for you and doesn't annoy you then fair enough. Personally I'd want to know he'd kept at least some annual leave back to spend time with the family.

brassbrass · 03/01/2020 10:02

It's a shame you're effectively leading different lives at times when most other families are doing their bonding. I get that different interests should also be catered for and it sounds like you came up with a pragmatic solution to your different needs as regards holidays.

However what do you have to look forward to when your DC have flown the nest? Will you still be leading separate lives.

CheddarGorgeous · 03/01/2020 10:02

It sounds like he doesn't really like you or your children.

Does he understand that relationships are partly built on spending time with each other?

Junie70 · 03/01/2020 10:03

DH takes a few golf breaks away, but the bulk of our holidays are spent together.

I'd not only find it odd, I'd be quite upset by it. It's the fact he's not talked about it with you that's strangest, he's presented you with a done deal ...... does he do that regularly?

BoomBoomsCousin · 03/01/2020 10:04

I don’t find it odd, I would love to do that. I find it selfish. He’s leaving some of the heavy lifting in parenting to you. But he may even some of that out in other ways so if you don’t mind it, it’s not a problem. I would have gone absolutely apeshit at him for the week off when they were younger and you’d just had 6 weeks of full time childcare, though.

Mlou32 · 03/01/2020 10:04

I agree with others, probably just wants a bit of quiet time at home. Maybe he thinks you're fine with that? If you're not then perhaps have a word and see if he can change any of those days off to allow you to spend time together as a family, if not then let him know for the years holidays going forward.

brassbrass · 03/01/2020 10:05

Why doesn't he have a passport? What if something happened to you while you were away? I find that more odd than anything else.

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 03/01/2020 10:06

How does he see retirement working, as he doesn't seem to like spending time with you? Have you asked him? The dcs are teens so would spend a lot of time on their own things, hes avoiding you, as well as parenting.

FeigningHorror · 03/01/2020 10:07

He’s opting out of parenting and would rather do solitary DIY than spend time with his wife and children?

You say he won’t go abroad (why not?) but two of the three weeks you’ve booked away are in the UK...?

poorbuthappy · 03/01/2020 10:08

So if something happens whilst you are abroad he can't do anything anyway cos he has no passport? Well that throws the "just in case something happens" reason out the window!

It's odd.
And if you're happy with it then that's fine. And if you're not then you have to do something about it.

AgentJohnson · 03/01/2020 10:12

^Has no passport but doesn't want that to stop us wanting to travel?*

Of course he won’t stop you because it effectively guarantees himself child and wife free time. What does he do to ensure he spends quality time with his kids or is that only something you should be responsible for?

Sauvignonblanket · 03/01/2020 10:15

I book time off work when my family is away for one week, once a year. I love them but this restores my sanity and makes the rest of the time better for everyone. My husband understands that I am an introvert and need time alone. I get short bursts each week and this longer time each year. I can understand other people doing this too and would respect it. But more than once - or a balance where more time was spent solo than with the family - would be something to talk about just to understand why. There would be a big difference between necessary mental recharging and living it up every night and while the family is out of town....

LochJessMonster · 03/01/2020 10:19

On the other hand you have also booked 3 weeks off that you won't be spending with him too...

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