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Original poster

Dh days off. Would you find this odd?

96 replies

DrMadelineMaxwell · 03/01/2020 09:16

Dh and I compared diaries the other day. I'm a teacher so have a lot more time off with the teen dds than he does. I also like to travel a little and he does not so I have a couple of short breaks booked for this year with the dds that he won't come on, which is fine as they were booked knowing he wouldn't be coming.

He came home from work and told me he had booked most of his days off for the coming year.
Apart from the shutdown days over Christmas he has booked off...

The week I'm taking the kids abroad at easter and...
The week I'm taking them to london in the summer.
Oh and the week that we have as a family away in the UK at whit... but he's not sure if he is coming on that break yet. (He usually does).

OP posts:
DisgruntledGuineaPig · 03/01/2020 10:24

Just reading again, the lack of passport only justifies not going on the Easter holiday break. I would sit him down and say if hes off work for the week you are in London and the week you are away in the UK for whit, he has to come too, or he needs to rearrange his holiday time for other dates the DCs are off school and spend some time with them like a proper father.

He can have 1 week pretending hes not got a wife and kids, which is more than most get, beyond that, he needs to remember hes part of a family or get on with leaving if he doesn't want to be.

Littlepond · 03/01/2020 10:25

I’d be gutted if DH did that. I’m in the same situation as OP that I get school hols off and DH doesn’t so the kids and I go away without DH as he can’t get the time off. But if he took time off to be at home on his own while we were away rather than using his leave to be with us and do stuff together as a family i’d be so sad.
OP when do you get to “potter” about at home by yourself for a week??

I wonder what the kids think too?! Dad never takes any time off work to be with them?

Equanimitas · 03/01/2020 10:27

Just to see the reaction, I'd be tempted to say "Great, I've rearranged our holiday so we're going to Scotland and booked for you as well since you're free that week".

AryaStarkWolf · 03/01/2020 10:28

I mean, I wouldn't like it if my DH never wanted to come on holiday with me and the kids (especially when they're young as that is selfish and shirking his responsibilities as a parent) Everyone likes a bit of time on their own but all the holidays hhhmmm anyway like you say, it's his loss now imo, missing out on time with his wife and kids

sandybanana · 03/01/2020 10:29

Sorry but that is odd to me because essentially he doesn't want to spend his time
off being with his family. As a family.

Weird

AuditAngel · 03/01/2020 10:30

DH gets more holidays than I do. He will often take a week away that I have to work.

I have to take 2 or 3 days to cover Christmas closedown.

I work Monday to Friday, whereas he works weekends. This gets tricky when booking summer holidays as he can only have 2 weekends off (but can often squeeze in extra week days) whereas I want to use 3 weekends to maximise my break for minimum days off.

I also use holidays to chaperone my children’s theatre performances.

Likewise, DH has to cover it all if I am away on business.

If you aren’t bothered, why does it matter what anyone else thinks?

TatianaLarina · 03/01/2020 10:32

What’s wrong with abroad?

Why isn’t he coming with you to London?

Is he a git in other ways?

AgentJohnson · 03/01/2020 10:33

If you aren’t bothered, why does it matter what anyone else thinks?

She is bothered but for an undisclosed reason the OP won’t address this with her H.

MintyMabel · 03/01/2020 10:35

I’d do the same.

If it doesn’t bother you, why would you worry about it being odd?

museumum · 03/01/2020 10:36

I would be very hurt if my dh didn’t want to spend any time with me at all. Gutted in fact.
You’ve got six weeks off in summer and the only one he’s off is when you’re away. If my dh was avoiding me that pointedly I’d question why we are married.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 03/01/2020 10:39

I find this a little sad, but not unusual. I know quite a few husbands of SAHMs/school staff who actively avoid taking any leave in the school holidays. Sure, we all love a day or two in blissful silence now and again, but without wishing to sound too Pollyanna-ish, I enjoy spending most of my leave with the kids - I don't see enough of them in term time.

TheStuffedPenguin · 03/01/2020 10:39

The thing is you started this and it has now set in as a habit . You've established a bit of an unhealthy pattern here.

Alsohuman · 03/01/2020 10:43

If you’re happy with it, there’s no issue, OP. It wouldn’t bother me either.

MercedesDeMonteChristo · 03/01/2020 10:50

My DH never comes on our main holiday (complicated by it being my family’s holiday home) because he finds it ‘boring’. At home, he rarely goes anywhere and watches tv so it would effectively be doing this somewhere nicer. The thing that actually bothered me though when the DC were little was that he didn’t care that it was a holiday (still is) that they love and he missed out on so much playing and watching them enjoy the sea, learn to swim etc, plus I had to explain to my folks that he wasn’t there and actually just at home. After the first time I watched a very close family friend play with my DC all day on the beach when their father was at home not wanting to be there I decided to do as you do and simply book things or do whatever interests the majority and he can come or not. Things have improved so much and he actually does come and enjoy holidays now (he’ll still only come on that particular holiday once every few years but that is fine).

I do wonder what this means when the DC have left home. I have lots of friends, interests, desire to travel etc so will we just end up separately cracking on.

MzHz · 03/01/2020 10:51

So... when your kids leave home, exactly what will be the glue that holds your marriage together? What do you have in common?

If you don’t sort yourself out now love, you could find yourself extremely isolated and very lonely.

A bit of alone time is usual, mirroring your time away and avoiding any down time with wife/kids is not.

MercedesDeMonteChristo · 03/01/2020 10:52

p.s. he also moans when I start sorting out holiday care as he has more leave than me and doesn’t like that he has to do more, even though he actually enjoys spending time with the kids these days.

ConnorRipley · 03/01/2020 10:55

Has he ever spent time with the kids by himself? In their lives?

timeisnotaline · 03/01/2020 10:59

I’d think it very hurtful. And, in the long hard days of small children, I regularly think at least I look forward to being retired with dh. If he actively avoided spending extended time with me like yours does I’d see it as the writing on the wall, and best to get out now rather than wait till I’m 65, retire and realise he doesn’t even like me Shock

AgentJohnson · 03/01/2020 11:02

A bit of alone time is usual, mirroring your time away and avoiding any down time with wife/kids is not.

This with bells on.

sleepingpup · 03/01/2020 11:06

I think this really extreme Op. wouldn't like it all.

rookiemere · 03/01/2020 11:08

I'd be annoyed by that.

We both have hobbies and do some solo trips but taking the bulk of his annual leave when the rest of the family is away seems pretty selfish to me. Whilst the DCs are presumably old enough to be home alone, couldn't he at least take his leave when they are on school holidays and you are at work. If they are anything like my teen they won't cause much of a barrier to his pottering, but nice for them to have their DF around to chat to occasionally.

Feels like he has checked out of marriage and family life.

championquartz · 03/01/2020 11:08

I wouldn't like this either. He's taking the piss.

AlaskaSometimes · 03/01/2020 11:08

I mean work is mainly to pay for your life and leisure time. I’d be super upset if my life partner didn’t want to spend that time with me. It would be a real problem for me and I can’t imagine being in a relationship like that.

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 03/01/2020 11:22

This is so weird. What kind of relationship do your kids have with a dad that avoids them on purpose? Confused Does he do any parenting at all?

CripsSandwiches · 03/01/2020 11:27

I'd find it odd yes and I'd ask why. DH always wants to have some time off when DC are on holiday so we can have days out as a family - unless he had something specific he needed to do he'd always book holiday to maximise time spent together, but I have a friend whose DH would always go out of his way to have all his holiday when he'd be on his own - he liked time alone (and to be honest probably couldn't really be bothered with family life).

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