Would you be upset by this?

[SantaHatHotTub]

I posted under a different username about how my DP had said that I was a 5/10 in looks and that he found my looks average.

The general consensus was that this was a fairly shitty thing to say. However, I’ve been struggling with this, as the comment brought up a lot of insecurities from past bullying.

I’m just back from holiday and was showing him my holiday photos. There was one particular photo of me that I actually thought I looked quite nice in. When i was flicking through he saw this photo and laughed hysterically and said ‘what’s THAT?’

I asked him what he was talking about and he said he was laughing at the trousers I had on.

I’m really upset about this comment. He knows I’m struggling with his views about my looks and I’ve really been working hard to lose weight and generally feel a bit better about myself.

I’m most upset about the use of the word ‘That’ in ‘what is that’. If he was talking about the trousers he would have said what are those?

He says that he should be able to have a laugh with me about my looks and that I’m over sensitive. When I asked if he would be ok with me calling him a short, bald or fat regularly he said that is totally different. It’s not because he’s called me big nosed, flat titted, overweight, old looking and more before. I would never and have never called him this btw.

He just doesn’t seem to understand why I’m upset. I’m now questioning whether I am over sensitive and letting past bullying impact upon what is just a joke.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

I remember your last post from a few months back!

If you told him that his comments about your looks are hurtful and he continues to do it, you are married to a nasty shit (at best. An abuser at worst).

Its funny how he said it about the picture you looked good in. Smacks of something an emotionally manipulative person would do to bring you down. They also like to make out you are oversensitive/overreacting or that they 'just don't get what your issue is'.

Is he horrid in other ways?

@TwentyViginti no he wasn’t! He was shocked and very angry I couldn’t accept him ‘being friends with exes’ and keeping ‘old’ condoms in his glove box...

Yes I'd be upset. I have insecurities. My DP has never laughed or poked fun. Please leave him OP. He's nasty and wont change.

When I asked if he would be ok with me calling him a short, bald or fat regularly he said that is totally different.

Why is it different?

Nasty bastard, no question.

Get out as soon as you can

Next time he says anything say "people I glass houses shouldn't throw stones luv".

But tbh it sounds like he isn't going to change and maybe you should get out rather than take decades of this. What's he going to be like about your post pregnancy body (presuming you don't have kids yet).

He's keeping you in your place, the nasty bastard.

I bet he finds you attractive enough when he wants sex, doesn't he?

Leave him.
You're worth 100x more than this.

Oh my god!! How DARE he ?

That is cruel beyond words OP.

Hes being a bastard, smashing your self confidence to bits.

It's a control method. Ignore the fucking twat....find someone else !

What I find very very upsetting lovely is that an obviously nice sensitive lady
Is allowing herself to be subjected to this kind of treatment.

You are allowing him to
Belittle and demean you
Trash your self esteem and self confidence
Bully you and laugh at you
Make you feel inadequate and worthless

If this is how you want to always feel, then stay with him and listen to his poison

If you want to feel better, cut the head off the snake and walk away

*in

LTB and find someone who tells you you're beautiful

It doesn't really matter WHAT he says- it is the fact that he is deliberately trying to hurt you.

He is, as a pp said, a cunt.
He is abusive and nasty.
You don’t need him.

Better to be single than with someone who brings you down. He's shattering your confidence. New year. New start. New you.

Dump and run!! Jesus why would you stay with him? He doesn't fancy you, doesn't even like you, let alone love you. Sorry but he can't do, he actively wants to hurt you.

I was bullied at school. I have always been really tall and was bullied because of this.

I have always felt huge and bulbous compared to my friends and nearly everyone else around me.

I’m going to counselling for my issues. I know his behaviour is nasty and I don’t understand why he does it.

He couldn’t answer when I asked him how me calling him bald or fat is different to laughing at my picture and calling me THAT.

I wouldn’t dream in a million years of looking at his holiday photos and laughing at him. Why would I do that.

I’m honestly on the bottom. I can’t try any harder to please him. I really can’t.

You need to drop the dead weight (him!) ASAP!! A partner should be there to build you up, have your back & make you feel good about yourself never to beat you down. It's emotional abuse however he dresses it up & you need to break free.

So why is he with you then? Have you asked him that? Horrible man.

He says he is with me because he likes me. I actually dislike him but feel trapped into trying to get him to actually act like he likes me.

You don't intentionally upset someone you like.

That’s no basis for a relationship is It?

How do you feel about ending it with him?

What a nasty bastard!

Please do not stand for this, he is emotionally abusing you.

I suspect that you are actually extremely lovely and he is not, therefore he is trying to undermine your self confidence and self esteem.

Honestly Op ditch him, you are worth so much more!

" I actually dislike him but feel trapped into trying to get him to actually act like he likes me." So why not step away from him? He's a cruel bastard, He doesn't like you. He likes the way it makes him feel to put you down, and the fact that you just take his abuse like an emotional punch bag.

I struggled with my looks in my teens and early 20s, I'm in the 'mannish' category of No Oil Painting. Nowadays, I am at peace with the way I look entirely because of the kind and loving things my OH has said to me over the last 25 years. Even during arguments he has never called me fat or ugly, why would he? He's a nice bloke and a great partner.

Please, leave this utter horror of a man, your life will be so much better without him.

Ending it is something that I am discussing with my therapist. I appear to have complex issues surrounding this that I’m unpicking.

He sounds horrible OP. Don't stand for this. If you do, he will knock you down until you have absolutely no confidence to leave him. Leave before its too late