Dont know how to act or feel in this situation advice please

[Thinkcalmthoughts]

I've had quite a few relationships and none were long term as the guys were not interested in long term so when I met my DD's dad thought this is it but he used to cheat and pretend he was single when talking to other girls once i fell pregnant with DD he ended things as wasnt ready to settle down so i raised DD on my own with family support i made my life about my DD and myself then a few year ago I met someone theres a 8 year age gap and we get on so well and hes not the type to have a fling or go from one woman to another he was looming for what I was to finally settle down etc we are due to be married in july and have spoke about trying for a child of our own (he has a older son from a previous marriage and I have my teenager)
Plus looking into get a house together
This morning was woken up to my mum fuming asking what hes playing at as apparently as a joke he texted a lassie he works with (who's 20 two years younger than his son) and has 2 young kids asking if he was still single would she go with him then added just kidding at the end to her reply was but your married and he said not yet but would you I was single and cant remember the rest of the message
Obviously my mum was raging as shes paying for the wedding and was asking questions like does he really love you

Now obviously he does as when he was going to propose he told his boy my DD and got permission off my mum she even helped with the ring picking he has moved into to mine and like I say things are fine theres no problems at all I'm wondering if he was just really having a laugh and its went wrong
He did say to mum this morning when she texted him that why would he do such a thing and ruin his marriage before it even happens and lose everything at his age

Is it just a case of nerves for him as this is the year were getting married or sort of a mid life crisis thing seeing as he is 40 lol

I personally dont think he intends to cheat or do anything to jeopardise the relationship as I say he will be losing everything

Any advice on how to move on from this it's not the great start to the new year
Do we just talk about it then just get on with our lifes

Ps this all happend sat night and shes told a few folk at his work about it

@Thinkcalmthoughts you sound dim op! Hopefully you wake up/ grow up enough to teach your DC to have some street smarts and relationship skills.

"Working at a relationship" is like when you have a baby or a bereavement and you work together as a team to get through it.

"Working at it" does not mean YOU working to ignore the fact that HE is trying his luck with young girls via text...

Are you just really desperate for this to work out? Because its really obvious it's not going to...

Will your honeymoon be a trip on de Nile?

God you're gullible. Good luck for the future, you're going to need it. If I was your mum, I'd leave you to pay for your own wedding, it sounds like it's going to be a waste of money.

OP he's taking you for a mug. Why is he texting other women and 'joking' about sleeping with them?

Because that's obviously who he is and what he does. He will have gone it before and he will do it again. Adding 'just kidding' is nit proof of anything except that he knows he needs excuses in case he gets caught. Most people would not fall for his bullshit OP.

Sod that!! if I was due to be married and my partner had done that, they would immediately be an ex-partner.

Joking or not, he's being an untrustworthy idiot.

OP - I'm embarrassed for you.

Come back when you need divorce advice.

He is a 44 year old middle aged man and has targeted a young vulnerable 20 year single mother to sexually harass in the work place. Is this his type? How did you meet?

You don’t know if he had been flirting and leering at her at work for month does before? This might well have been the last straw. Why don’t you ask her? He didn’t drop it when she gave him the brush off - he still pushed it.

She didn’t find it a joke. Has he apologised to her since for his tasteless joke?

Does he have any idea how offensive and disgusting his behaviour to young women in the workplace is?

Your mother didn’t find it a joke. Maybe your mother and the girl knows more - does he have form - is he the workplace sleaseball?

If that young woman was my friend, sister, daughter, work colleague I would be encouraging her to report him to HR. No one should have to work with a creepy man more than twice her age sexually harassing her in the workplace.

Is he more senior to her? He could lose his job.

What’s his relationship history?

Let me guess long list of “crazy ex’s who cheated on him” (ie: he got caught)

Your username Thinkcalmthoughts is a give away.

You are not listening to your own gut which is screaming alarm bells at you - you are trying to repress, deny and minimise.

When you JADE (Justify, argue, defend, explain) your emotions you are doing yourself a great disservice.

OP, I really think you need to revise your thinking that only a certain ‘type’ of person is unfaithful, and your fiancé ‘isn’t the type’. Everything in this scenario suggests you’re determined to marry a dim-witted lech who’s just attempted to get into the underwear of a much younger colleague under the guise of a ‘joke’, but you refuse to see it.

I’d like to think it was indeed just a joke but I don’t think it was. Even if he want going to take it any further with the girl he is obviously having thought about other women. He’s having doubts. Sorry OP but he should be head over heels for you. He’s not. It’s not looking good.

Could he be using you for something? Do you have money or an inheritance coming, any reason he’s want to marry you so he’d get half if you subsequently split up.

I think the wedding should be postponed. He may even get into trouble at work for sexual harassment and I don’t know if that’s a sackable offence. I imagine it could be treated as gross misconduct which can mean instant dismissal. He will have no money to pay his bills. It doesn’t bode well.

He’s a total idiot. Speak to the hotel about refunds or postponement charges. I wouldn’t marry him OP. Sorry. This is sad.

Why is your DM paying for the wedding of a 44 year old middle aged man?

Why is he moving into your house?

What has he accrued at this stage of his life that he is bringing to the union?

OP, I can see you desperately want to be want to believe this is all innocent but you rare seriously kidding yourself.

That text was a clear attempt to try it on with another woman. I have no doubt that nothing has actually happened between those two, but not for his want of trying! It’s not even about that, He has shown you clearly that he is willing to cheat, you don’t even know if he has sent other text like this to other women. You know now that he has the capacity for it. There’s no ‘joke’ here, he was testing the water and it backfired, but he could well do it again.

It’s clear from your posts that you aren’t going to end it over this and you are prepared to believe his bullshit but please at least be vigilante now. If I was you I would be having a look at that phone.

Good luck OP, it really sounds like you are going to need it if you stick with this one.

At best he's the sort of vile sleaze that younger relatives will grow up trying to avoid - because he thinks it is 'funny' to text suggestive stuff to young girls. That's AT BEST. You want to marry THAT??

But the truth is that he made a crap attempt at cheating and he got caught.

What is funny about sexually harrassing a colleague? I hope she reports him.