Dont know how to act or feel in this situation advice please

[Thinkcalmthoughts]

I've had quite a few relationships and none were long term as the guys were not interested in long term so when I met my DD's dad thought this is it but he used to cheat and pretend he was single when talking to other girls once i fell pregnant with DD he ended things as wasnt ready to settle down so i raised DD on my own with family support i made my life about my DD and myself then a few year ago I met someone theres a 8 year age gap and we get on so well and hes not the type to have a fling or go from one woman to another he was looming for what I was to finally settle down etc we are due to be married in july and have spoke about trying for a child of our own (he has a older son from a previous marriage and I have my teenager)
Plus looking into get a house together
This morning was woken up to my mum fuming asking what hes playing at as apparently as a joke he texted a lassie he works with (who's 20 two years younger than his son) and has 2 young kids asking if he was still single would she go with him then added just kidding at the end to her reply was but your married and he said not yet but would you I was single and cant remember the rest of the message
Obviously my mum was raging as shes paying for the wedding and was asking questions like does he really love you

Now obviously he does as when he was going to propose he told his boy my DD and got permission off my mum she even helped with the ring picking he has moved into to mine and like I say things are fine theres no problems at all I'm wondering if he was just really having a laugh and its went wrong
He did say to mum this morning when she texted him that why would he do such a thing and ruin his marriage before it even happens and lose everything at his age

Is it just a case of nerves for him as this is the year were getting married or sort of a mid life crisis thing seeing as he is 40 lol

I personally dont think he intends to cheat or do anything to jeopardise the relationship as I say he will be losing everything

Any advice on how to move on from this it's not the great start to the new year
Do we just talk about it then just get on with our lifes

Ps this all happend sat night and shes told a few folk at his work about it

If it's just a joke text why are you even bothered? Deep down you know this was very wrong. Would you have done it? Would you text a man what he did?

You can't post on a forum and only get the replies you want. It doesn't work that way

You know yourself to keep an eye out, but you can't see his movements 24/7. This is likely going to cause you real anxiety, so don't be so quick to minimise it.

I'm glad the woman showed your mum.

Do we not all want relationships to work and work hard at it yes we do
Yes I want this to work as were good together if not things would of sizzled out a while ago

As for mum I'm sure theres loads of people who's partners don't get on with their in laws
Shes already asked him questions about it today with out me there

if not things would of sizzled out a while ago

What? If that was the case, people would not leave long-term relationships. They do all the time, especially when the trust goes.

My head hurts.

The cheek of us, giving advice when all you did was... ask for advice... oh wait.

Witch hunt 😂

Good luck for the wedding. Seven months to go, what japes you'll have with this comedic genius between now and then! Wonder who he will send a joke to next. Exciting.

You're not going to get responses saying to keep an eye out, because no one is going to advise you to try to keep an eye on your man to make sure he doesn't get up to anything, who would want to be with a man where you have to control his behaviour or keep an eye out for bad behaviour so that you can nip it in the bud!!

The only time that people may respond with some kind of 'tactical' responses is when a woman is waiting to leave her husband, but they are advising her to play along that everything is ok while she seeks legal advice, gathers evidence and copies of all the important household documents etc.

No one was going to ask if he's been weird with you, because the text wasn't one that was open to interpretation, he was trying to get with this girl!!

People ask if the bf or dh has been weird with someone if they come across something that might be suspicious, but might not be if they know the context.
That doesn't apply to your situation.

Oh and if everyone from your mum to strangers on the Internet think he's a wanker despite you repeatedly saying he's not... there's a tiny chance he might be a wanker.

Yes it did bother me when I heard about it this morning that's when I turned round to him and asked I wasn't angry and throwing things i was like ohhh ok why would he do that is it really a joke must have just been 1 text as theres been nothing else said about any other texts by her or anyone else since we've been going together so I have no reason to doubt he would do anything but yes there is that doubt in my mind about those words that's how I put on here just to get different opinions obviously not the best choice as they were all leave or he must have been thinking about it that's how I thought it may be due to nerves about marriage most folk do get nervous knowing you'll be with 1 person ok doesnt excuse the text but if the message had kept going or there were more yes I'd be having serious doubts or if something had gone on

He made a hell of a stupid mistake by sending that text even thinking about sending it and thought no will know but to give the other lassie her dues she did do the right thing by passing that single text on

There was only one text because she isn't interested in him and told your mum. That's why there weren't more

Nerves due to marriage?! Don't make me laugh. Anyone in their right mind would dump the slimy fucker right now.

Even if my husband and father of my child did this I'd be ending things.

Fine, get through it and get it out of your mind. It'll be even heavier when you find out he's sticking his dick in other people and you're tied to him.

Get some self respect and open your eyes. He tried to get together with someone else. And knowing how easily you'd find out speaks volumes about how highly he thinks of you.

How many men that are 20 odd years younger than you have text to ask if they'd fuck you if you were single op?

You know, as it's just so funny.

Next time he may well approach a woman that's happy to cheat. You think he'll stop at one text then? If he hadn't already. Don't say you weren't warned my every single person on this thread.

Goodness me. If everyone is giving you the "wrong" advice then stop posting I guess. Get a clue and some full stops and keep your eyes open, if he continues being a dick at least you won't be surprised then. Good luck.

Surely this cant be real?

Nobody is this .., naive.

OP, who was he living with before he moved in with you?

What’s his situation? Does he work? what’s his history?

I expect we’ll see you in a few years bitterly regretting your ‘marriage’ to this loser.

He's a creepy, slimy arsehole OP.

Also can't believe this is real but I'm going to guess the answers to @nightsofcabiria questions:

Lived with his mum.

Can't work for some reason that tugs OPs heartstrings / cash in hand slightly dodgy work.

And I bet when it comes to relationships he's "been cheated on before" so would never do it to someone else.

I agree with whoever said he is a slimy creepy arsehole. Why would he do that, just why would it even come into his head. You are pathetically making excuses for the idiot

Most times when men send those texts to other women you don't hear about it though, so that's proof of nothing!!

I've had quite a few messages from married guys or guys in relationships on facebook, most i'm not even friends with, we might have some mutual friends or something and I get a message request from them.
I don't tell their partners or mother in laws. I would tell my friends if it was one of their partners, but apart from that no.

I've messaged a couple back to tell them they're assholes for sending flirty messages to women on FB though when they are married!

Why is your mum paying for your wedding anyway?
This all sounds so Jeremy Kyle

Well there may have been more texts but those 'lassies' were up for it

people do daft and stupid things all the time hes been nothing but faithful

Oh FFS why did you post then? Stop being a doormat and face up to the fact you are happy to marry a chancer. I think we will be seeing you back on here in the future

And for the record you are an idiot.

'This morning was woken up to my mum fuming asking what hes playing at as apparently as a joke he texted a lassie he works with (who's 20 two years younger than his son) and has 2 young kids asking if he was still single would she go with him then added just kidding at the end to her reply was but your married and he said not yet but would you I was single'

You're claiming it's just one text now, but this is 2 texts. She tried to remind him he was in a relationship, then he pushed the point again.

'Obviously my mum was raging as shes paying for the wedding and was asking questions like does he really love you

Now obviously he does as when he was going to propose he told his boy my DD and got permission off my mum.' etc etc.

Maybe how he feels has changed somewhat. Otherwise he wouldn't be chatting up other women.

'he has moved into to mine {...} why would he do such a thing {...}and lose everything at his age'

At 40, everyone knows that just moving in with someone (and presumably not having his name on a mortgage or anything?) doesn't mean you 'lose everything' if it ends. He's an adult, he would just set up in a flat/house of his own again one way or another- he knows he can, as presumably he's lived on his own before, or at least knows how to handle bills etc and would be able to do it.

If someone's not as into you as he was/ as you thought (which his actions imply) he wouldn't genuinely care about losing something he isn't entirely sure he wants, anyway.

lose everything at his age

This is interesting. He lives with you. He works with your mum. Sounds like his whole life is facilitated by your family. What does he bring to the table?

...her reply was your married and he said not yet...

You dismiss his blatant attempt to cheat as a “flaw” and a “stupid text.”

OP, he is making a fool of you. He was absolutely on a fishing expedition and he wrote “kidding” to cover himself in case she didn’t bite. If she had been up for it, they would have had a secret fling. A fiancé cheating is certainly not unheard of, as threads here attest.

You are being very unwise to minimize his sleazy behavior. Marrying this loser would be a grave mistake.