How often do you and your partner have sex? Help!

[Jojowash]

Hi guys

How often do you and partner have sex in a month ?

How long have you been together?

My partner seems to hound me permanently, makes me feel guilty and he’s moody until he gets it. He doesn’t actually even try to initiate it but will openly huff and puff in bed, tap his fingers and feet to let me know he’s irritated with that I haven’t had sex with him yet. It’s a proper put off and rude! We probably have sex every 3 days and move often when fertile. He’ll buy tight pvc outfits and remind me they are there, I’m not comfortable dressing up since I’ve put on 2 stone.

For example yesterday a pair of pvc sticking arrived in post, he said maybe you’ll just wear them if you don’t feel comfortable in the other things, when we went to bed, after about an hour of laying there with no intimacy or affection and as I was about to fall to sleep he says, don’t fancy putting on them stockings do you? I was like.. no

I mean I just feel pushed into it, I’m expected to cum otherwise he gets a complex but rolling over and landing on me isn’t a turn on.
I’m supposed to initiate it, want it, reveal in his manliness, worship his penis and have a huge orgasm all without warming me up and every day???
So now he’s just sulking and snappy like a small child. Is it just me!
Ps we’ve been together 5.5 years and been trying for baby 12 months having two miscarriages in the way 😞

We have sex when we both feel like it.

Nobody should ever feel guilt tripped into sex. It's not right. I'd really think twice about reproducing with someone who makes you feel this way.

My ex dh was like yours, constantly badgering me about sex, if he didn't get it 3/4 time's a week he'd sulk. He'd buy me pvc type outfits and expect me to wear them, he liked a type of sex that I really didn't like, but if I refused, he'd sulk. I was on antibiotics once which affected my pill. He refused to use condoms or use the pull out method, but I wouldn't risk unwanted pregnancy, he ruined a weeks holiday in Ibiza by sulking for over 2 weeks because we couldn't have sex.

I came to realise he was sexually abusing me.

I've now remarried, we have a sex a couple of times a week, he never pressurised me or wants me to do anything I'm uncomfortable with. The difference is huge, but I think it's because he respects and considers me. My ex never did, it was all about him, I was there to please him - never the other way round

Me and the mrs haven’t had anything for over 2 years. I never pressured her but always tried to instigate it but have given up after my advances were constantly rejected

That’s abuse, both sexual (the pestering) and emotional (the sulking)

Break up with him now before you get pregnant! He really wouldn’t be a good person to have to share a child with.

No, that's not normal - when I'm with a partner we are respectful of each other's boundaries and that is what decides how often we have sex. Given that, I also wouldn't be with someone who I sexually incompatible with me for this reason. His guilt tripping is abusive. Please don't have a child with him. Please leave. You will never ever feel like you are doing enough.

Does he have any good points, OP? He seems awful and not somebody I'd have a child with. Do you really want your life to be like this forever?

He's a misogynist OP. You are with a man that thinks that by acquiring a female partner he is entitled to sex on tap and those are the perks of having claimed yourself a woman? You deserve more.

He is abusive, coercing you into sex is abuse, if he succeeds it is rape. Somebody who loves you and respects you wouldn't treat you like that. Misogynist view women as a different breed of person, one who is below them, and one who exists to deliver their male entitlements.

I urge you to read up on it OP, read up on the law and coercive sexual abuse, and stop trying for a baby with an abuser asap or the next 5 years will be more of this, but harder.

Maybe twice a week on average I'd say. Some weeks more, some less. Together nearly 12 years, 2 kids.
That pressure on you does sound horrible. Are you really sure you want to marry him? Do you want to be treated like that for the rest of your life? I'd be having a really serious think if I was you.

Please stop TTC.

Imagine this level of sex-pestering if you have a baby. In fact it'll probably get worse.

It sounds grim.

Get out before you fall pregnant. Honestly, if you had a daughter would you be happy for her to be married to a man like this? If you had a son would you be proud if he grew up and treated woman like this? Remember if you have a child with him, he will be your childs role model for life.
FWIW, dh would love it daily, but I dont and he doesn't pressure me at all and is happy to wait until I want it, which is about once or twice a month.

Been with dp for 19 years we usto have sex everyday untill he started his so called secret affair (it's not a secret as I know) Now i don't want sex with him. We don't sleep in the same bed. My stbexp was very similar to your dp so l would run if I was you.

Apart from everything else PP's have mentioned it sounds like he's crap in bed. I wonder how he'd react if you said 'the reason I don't want sex is because you're rubbish at it'? Men like him expect dressing up etc but what do they do to please us? Not even the basics in most cases and it's time we started expecting more from them. What do you think would happen OP if you sat him down and kindly told him he needs to up his game because his ineptitude is what's putting you off?

He's a sex pest. I wouldn't be TTC with this man. For one, how is he going to deal with it if you don't want to have sex much during pregnancy? And also after the birth? I worry you'll end up feeling pressured into something you don't want to.

I also think is something deeply and inherently wrong with men who can enjoy sex when they know their partner isn't really in the mood and is just doing it to avoid an argument.

Jeeze. I'd get out of there!!

Been with my dp 4 years; one child. Yes, we don't have sex all the time. But he's never once hassled me or gone off in a huff etc!!

He sounds gross!

Go and see a therapist together who deals with sexual issues they will help you communicate what you want and make him understand how a woman's sexual self works. Rather than this carrying on it could really help your relationship.

So weird reading about other folk's sexual preferences ... really sounds like something from a Carry On film. He certainly sounds a most unattractive person to be near physically ... can you get him a blow up doll so you dont have to go near him ... or leave!

Coerced consent isn't consent. He's trying to manipulate and coerce you into sex he knows you don't want because he thinks his dick is more important than your right to autonomy.

He's not a nice man, nice men don't sexually coerce their partners. I'd be running for the hills.

He sounds like a creep. He knows it doesn't work like that but wants you to pretend that the sight of his penis is enough for you.

Oh, me and DP do it whenever we feel like it. Its regular, with a few "I cba tonight" thrown in.

My BIL was like that - he's now going through a divorce because "they've grown apart" according to him. Actually according to the ex, he was a sex pest and would constantly sulk when she wouldn't have sex.

It was all fine and great in the beginning before they had kids, but once kids came along and she was the primary carer, as well as the main home keeper, she naturally was tired and did not fancy sex every day. He sulked, but strangely enough still didn't lift a finger to help around the house... He is a very selfish person, all about what he wants, only what he wants.

Anyway, they are going through a divorce and frankly, she deserves better than him. His behaviour and equating sex with love was awful.

I mean sex is an important part of a relationship, but your should never feel guilted or be pestered into it.

Read the other thread about the vile husband pestering for sex to the point she’s covering her ears to the sound of her crying baby so he can get what he wants, is that where you want to be??

Why doesn't he try to make himself sexually appealing then?

Why are you with this sex pest control freak OP? There are decent men out there, don't waste your years on this one. You must be stressed daily. Get rid of him he's a weirdo.

Start picturing yourself living in peace in your home without the anxiety of his attitude and demands in your life. It might help you make a decision.

He sounds fucking awful in literally every way. If it isn't bad enough he just sits in bed sulking, you then say if you don't cum he kicks off??? He sounds horrendous. Stop TTC and leave because this isn't going to get better!

FWIW - been together 4 years, mid 20s, live together, a couple of times a week, sometimes more but that's pretty standard. I'm tired!

Please don't have a baby with this creep!

Can you imagine the coercion and abuse and sulking when you don't want to have sex for weeks/months after giving birth as you have injuries that need to heal?

Or when you don't want to dress up as you've been breastfeeding a baby every 90 minutes day and night?

His behaviour is so far from normal, you deserve better.

Together 16y, forties. We do it 2-4 times a week. But that's probably because DH isn't an abusive, sulky sex pest, nor a crap shag.

You deserve better than this.

You're trying for a baby with this person? Wtf for? What's it going to be like when you're on your knees after caring for a baby and can't 'see to his needs'?