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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Shocked at dh's hug

61 replies

Nothatsenough · 31/12/2019 22:17

Hi, name changed as dd knows my usual one.

Not entirely sure why I'm posting but....

DH is working this evening. When he left he bent down (I was on the sofa), hugged me, almost gave me a kiss - or maybe actually did give me a kiss, a peck - and wished me a happy new year.

This sounds ordinary to you I bet.

It is nearly 15 years since he last touched me with affection. He avoids touching me at all. Actively avoids it.

I didn't reject him, reciprocated I think. It has left me a bit shocked, I was certainly taken aback, uncertain, bemused. Why? Why would he do that after all this time?

OP posts:
81Byerley · 31/12/2019 22:45

Maybe he wants to improve things.

TheresGotToBeMoreToLife · 31/12/2019 22:47

I'm more shocked that you've survived 15 years without affection

PinkiOcelot · 31/12/2019 22:48

Genuine question. How has your marriage survived 15 years of no touching?

Useful22 · 31/12/2019 22:49

This isn't a helpful post so I apologise, but is there anything wrong with him? Would seem off to come out of the blue for no reason?

madcatladyforever · 31/12/2019 22:50

I'm shocked too I'm asexual and I had more affection in my marriage than that.
It's your marriage but do you get anything out of it?

Epona1 · 31/12/2019 22:51

I think the hug is the least of your worries. Why on earth are you in a marriage with someone who actively avoids contact or affection for the past 15 years

TooTiredForThisShite · 31/12/2019 22:52

This is so sad :(

gamerchick · 31/12/2019 22:52

Sounds like he's saying goodbye to me. Emotionally, if not physically yet.

SevenStones · 31/12/2019 22:54

Gosh, why on earth are you still in a relationship where there's been no affection for 15 years?

Helini · 31/12/2019 22:55

This sounds ordinary to you I bet

Why is it not ordinary to you?

Twitney · 31/12/2019 22:57

this is really sad, I hope you posting this is the beginning of you changing something for the better

Karenisbaren · 31/12/2019 23:01

Been there done that op. Feel for you x

Juststopit · 31/12/2019 23:03

This is so sad OP. what about your dd? Is this what she thinks a normal relationship is? Is he affectionate towards her?

BobbyBlueCat · 31/12/2019 23:05

Without meaning to sound dramatic, has he DEFINITELY arrived at work?
If he has mental health problems, I might be a tad concerned.

Cherrysoup · 31/12/2019 23:06

15 years? Do you sleep in the same bed? Have you ever discussed it or did it just happen?

thenightsky · 31/12/2019 23:07

That would have me worried.

GaaaaarlicBread · 31/12/2019 23:08

15 years ? I feel so sad to read this - the fact that you don’t know how to react 😓

jess3817 · 31/12/2019 23:10

I agree. Would have me worried.

TrixieFranklin · 31/12/2019 23:12

Call him OP and make sure he's ok for tonight.

twoheaped · 31/12/2019 23:13

Are you worried about him OP?

Pinkette06 · 31/12/2019 23:15

Check he's okay. Maybe he wants to improve things and didn't know how but decided the new year is a good time to start or something.

GamechangerRanger · 31/12/2019 23:15

Maybe he's thinking New Year new start to trying to improve your relationship?

GamechangerRanger · 31/12/2019 23:16

Pinkette great minds...

Lifecraft · 31/12/2019 23:18

This reply has been deleted

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VenusTiger · 31/12/2019 23:21

Did he look you in the eye? Did he say goodbye?

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