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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Shocked at dh's hug

61 replies

Nothatsenough · 31/12/2019 22:17

Hi, name changed as dd knows my usual one.

Not entirely sure why I'm posting but....

DH is working this evening. When he left he bent down (I was on the sofa), hugged me, almost gave me a kiss - or maybe actually did give me a kiss, a peck - and wished me a happy new year.

This sounds ordinary to you I bet.

It is nearly 15 years since he last touched me with affection. He avoids touching me at all. Actively avoids it.

I didn't reject him, reciprocated I think. It has left me a bit shocked, I was certainly taken aback, uncertain, bemused. Why? Why would he do that after all this time?

OP posts:
Hugsgalore · 31/12/2019 23:22

@Lifecraft what a crass post. Please have it removed

MrsEricBana · 31/12/2019 23:22

That is odd. I'm sorry you have been living like this and I too would worry about him and what it means.

GaaaaarlicBread · 31/12/2019 23:23

Yes please check he’s OK . Not thinking the worst but I had a good friend in my teens who I said ‘see ya tomorrow!’ And blew a kiss , and she said Goodbye have a good night . And I thought nothing of it until later that night , and it clicked that she’d not said see you tomorrow back- just goodbye ...

GaaaaarlicBread · 31/12/2019 23:24

@Lifecraft what an awful thing to say . OP ignore this comment

Bluerussian · 31/12/2019 23:25

What happened to her itsemily? Sounds frightening.

GaaaaarlicBread · 31/12/2019 23:25

Just want to clear up my friend didn’t do anything but she was in a dark place and had intentions . But she was ok , as your husband will be too. He probably wants to fix things x

GaaaaarlicBread · 31/12/2019 23:26

@Bluerussian she had been battling depression and was planning on acting on her dark thoughts after suffering over the Christmas period . But I rang her and her mum answered . But I didn’t even think anything of her saying goodbye . So now I’m extra cautious when people don’t say See You tomorrow etc which sounds daft but it’s always good to look out for people x

chickpea1234 · 31/12/2019 23:27

Maybe he wants to move forward in a positive way?

Lifecraft · 31/12/2019 23:27

Let's see if he does come home first. Then I will have been wrong.

MirriMazDuur · 31/12/2019 23:28

@Lifecraft What the fuck? You do realise people are concerned that he might harm himself?

GaaaaarlicBread · 31/12/2019 23:29

@Lifecraft how would you feel if you were in OP shoes and someone said that about your husband ?

Lifecraft · 31/12/2019 23:32

This reply has been deleted

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Lifecraft · 31/12/2019 23:33

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SingingLily · 31/12/2019 23:36

Lifecraft, are you trying to make this thread about you? Seriously?

OP, I think you've had good advice - to ring him at work and gauge for yourself whether he is OK.

He is acting out of character and that's always reason in itself to check. Just to be sure.

Hope everything is OK.

TrixieFranklin · 31/12/2019 23:39

@WatcherOfTheNight are you about to hide @lifecrafts awful posts?

VividImagination · 31/12/2019 23:40

I think that you should check that he has arrived safely at work. Has he been his usual self recently? Is the hug the only unusual thing? Whilst I don’t think Lifecraft shows much sensitivity, I would be worried and you wouldn’t have posted if it hadn’t concerned you too. I’m not sure what you can do though, if he’s at work and you’re at home.

LennyPugGoat · 31/12/2019 23:44

Can you text him at the very least and make sure he is ok?

15 yers is such a long time, how?

SunshineCake · 31/12/2019 23:49

I hope you are both okay, OP but clearly you need to talk openly with him when he is back.

Creepster · 31/12/2019 23:58

It is a sign of something. We just don't know what, and neither do you.
If you are fretting about his safety then check on him.

Drum2018 · 01/01/2020 00:19

@Nothatsenough why not give him a call now to say happy new year and see how he sounds. Do you know anyone else he's working with tonight who you know well enough to call and ask if he's ok? Or is he in a job where you can call in - pub/restaurant??

ANiceLuxury · 01/01/2020 00:22

I hope you have been in touch with him

Dawsoncreek · 01/01/2020 00:26

I think lovecraft was to referring to the idea he might be leaving her / OW

nicslackey · 01/01/2020 00:33

I think lovecraft was to referring to the idea he might be leaving her / OW
Even so, the tone was inappropriate. Lovecraft can do one

Butterfly84 · 01/01/2020 00:35

OP, I first thought that he is having an affair and is feeling guilty.

But as pps have said, I advise you to check in on him, check he's got to work and is okay.

Dawsoncreek · 01/01/2020 00:48

I agree her tone was rather unpleasant but just wanted to explain how I read it.

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