Married over 10 years with a couple of kids and I'm really struggling with how my dh talks to me and his drinking. It has come to a head many times over the years but I've always shied away from tackling it as I hate confrontation and he's useless at receiving any criticism (he immediately catastrophises and blames me for things he has been sitting on too, which could be perfectly valid). It leads to a massive blow out with tears and no real talking or therefore resolution and is then dropped by both of us by the next day.
Anyway, I've written the note below and wanted views. Does it make sense? Should I just send it, read it to him, neither? FWIW he does pull his weight but makes me feel guilty if I'm not constantly busy. We both work full time. He drinks about 5 bottles of wine a week. His father was a violent alcoholic. His mother and one sibling are alcoholics. Am I being ott with the alcoholic label?
"You criticize me constantly. Nothing I do is good enough. I feel guilty if I sit down for 10 minutes at the weekend - even if that is to eat lunch. I spend all my time at home during they day cooking, cleaning, laundry, doing the majority of our family admin or playing with dc. Then you come home and tell me I'm lazy. I cant live that way anymore - constant judgement.
I'm exhausted by night. But then I cant sleep. I'm awake from 2 - 4 or 3-5 most nights, sometimes longer. Sometimes it's just menopause but most nights I'm woken with you breathing alcohol on me then I lie there worried about your drinking and how it affects your health, and the mental health of me and the kids. Will they be alcoholics? The family curse? Dc1 notices and asks me about it. He tells me he hates it. I assume he sees you drinking on a friday and Saturday night. Dc2 won't be far behind in noticing.
The mood swings (are they a side effect?) are very hard for all three of us to deal with. The anger and sulking - both dc ask about this and I really struggle with what to say and how to protect them. Is it a learned behaviour from your childhood? You tell me I spend too much time on the phone yet you spend all your time glued to the mac or your phone. What am I supposed to do?
I'm not perfect by any means and I am aware the above is my one sided view of the world but it's my reality. I'm willing to hear yours and see how we can move forward but I cant keep going on like this. The last 3 days have been unbearable torture - constant micro aggressions - and I have done nothing to deserve this treatment.
"