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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is she spoilt or am I jealous?

74 replies

zobo90 · 27/12/2019 21:45

Just need a good old whine. I have a 14 yo sister who is 14 years younger than I am. We share a dad but have different mums. When I was growing up, I had next to nothing. I am glad as now in adult life I am super careful in regards to money and am grateful for everything I receive. Later in life, my dad earned (through sheer hard work) a fantastic job with very generous pay. He remarried, had 4 more children whom I adore.

The eldest (14 yo) was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. She gets anything she wants - when she wants it, is very manipulating with the younger children and although mostly has a heart of gold does have a nasty streak. I am very fortunate that my dad pays my phone contract even though I stand on my own two feet for everything else. He insisted that he would buy me any phone just not an iPhone because he doesn't believe in apple products whatsoever and went on a whole tirade about how he would never buy another as they're crap and useless and everything else. However, when little sister asked at Christmas he said yes straight away and then proceeded to get airpods AND an apple Mac too!!!! Alongside this hundreds more had been spent on all sorts of things from Victoria secret underwear (ridiculously priced) to designer clothes and other things.

For Christmas, I got a pair of pyjamas and a candle which I am more than grateful for. She noticed this and kept on continuously flaunting her new stuff in my face saying things like "if you want an iPhone still, you can have mine" and "I wouldn't dare wear Primark knickers like you, I wear VS only". I have a job which pays moderately so I spend within my means.

When I turned 18, I didn't have any savings accounts and saved up for my house on my own without any help from my dad, he would have happily helped but I didn't feel I needed it. I also bought my first car recently on my own. I know sis has a bank account with tens of thousands in already to put towards a house when she is older.

Am I jealous? I know I would have loved the luxuries she has at her age. I've tried to explain about my upbringing so she can understand how fortunate she is but she doesn't listen. I also know my dad loves us both the same and that's the most important thing. I don't know whether to talk to my dad about how put out I am feeling or even how to broach the subject without sounding absolutely petty!

OP posts:
VanyaHargreeves · 27/12/2019 21:52

I think it's an understandable mix of both

No 14 yo needs Victoria Secret underwear

But

I got pyjamas and a candle which I am more than grateful for

Isn't really true is it?

I have a friend who was brought up as her stepdads own, he was super strict, but her much younger half sisters, as they grew got things and holidays that she could only have dreamt of as a child.

She felt anger and jealousy and ended up crying down the phone to her Dad asking why he'd behaved like that

It is OK to be angry and jealous. You don't need to apologise for it.

Morgan12 · 27/12/2019 21:59

Well if I were you I actually wouldn't be grateful for the PJs and candle.

Fuck that.

You should be treated the same.

I'd tell him to stick his candle up his arse.

category12 · 27/12/2019 22:03

Well, it's no good declining help with a deposit yet resenting your dsis having money put aside for her.

TiredofthisBS · 27/12/2019 22:04

He's not treating you fairly at all. Sadly It sounds like you are being treated as the poor relation and I would ask him why he treats you differently.
However that said, your father is doing your younger sister absolutely no favours whatsoever. She's spoilt and will find it difficult when she ventures into the adult world. She is going to be bitterly disappointed in life.

Cherrysoup · 27/12/2019 22:06

I think I’d go to him, candle in hand and ask why he’s treating you differently. He must know you’re not exactly flush.

TheHonestTruth100 · 27/12/2019 22:13

Sounds like you're a little resentful at how much she has gotten compared to you or how easy she has it compared to you. She's got a massive cheek to her if she thinks it's acceptable to shame people for having less.

I get why you might feel resentful but tbh I think you have it better. The way I see it is you're lucky your upringing has enforced very valuable character traits that will serve you well in life. Unfortunately it sounds like she might not grasp that as well as you have.

I'm sure your dad loves you just as much as his other children, I hope you don't feel otherwise. If your sister is a bit of a handful and your dad is a daddy's girl pushover then I'm not surprised this happened. Have you ever thought to ask your dad for a new Mac? I'm guessing not because of how you are, if you kept going on about how much you'd love one your dad would probably have given in to you too, but sounds like you wouldn't do that...because if you're like me then it just feels...wrong?

You're doing great. Be proud of yourself, keep your head high and carry on trying to discourage this questionable attitude out your sis!

overnightangel · 27/12/2019 22:13

Why the fuck does a 14 year old have Victoria’s Secret underwear Confused

zobo90 · 27/12/2019 22:17

@category12 I didn't decline his deposit, he didn't offer. I just didn't ask as I could afford on my own x

OP posts:
Wildorchidz · 27/12/2019 22:22

Victoria’s Secret have a teenage range. It’s very popular. Also their bras and knickers are mainstream for the most part.

category12 · 27/12/2019 22:22

But you're confident he would have helped if you asked from what you said in your initial post.

I don't know - you grew up when his circumstances were very different, and you're now an independent adult who doesn't ask for help and probably seems sorted and to want to stand on her own two feet.

3dogs2cats · 27/12/2019 22:28

Talk to him. Tell him that you may be a little jealous, but you’re also concerned that she flaunts it and doesn’t have good manners.

Natsel84 · 27/12/2019 22:30

Your not jealous. But she is spoilt .

HerRoyalNotness · 27/12/2019 22:33

There is no reason why he couldn’t address the imbalance and give you some thousands toward your house now. Perhaps he’s just not thoughtful.

Allisquiet · 27/12/2019 22:41

I'd feel jealous.
He isn't treating you the same and I'm guessing this is because he has 4 other kids who he feels he has done better by somehow.

Is he a nice Dad? Could you actually talk to him about this and tell him what your sister has been saying to you? I think I would begin by telling him what she is saying.

For the record: you will be much more resilient and resourceful in life.

MoonlightBonnet · 27/12/2019 22:48

Haha at you being more than grateful for pyjamas and a candle. Rather obviously not.

converseandjeans · 27/12/2019 22:49

She sounds really spoiled tbh & your Dad is doing her no favours. She will grow up expecting to have everything paid for.

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 27/12/2019 22:53

Tbh shes immature 14 year old and you're an adult op best not to get in with her. Shes has got the maturity levels developed enough yet. I wouldn't necessarily expect to get the same spent on me when I was an adult with my own family or dp than a 14 year old and younger dc who would be into toys and gadgets.

BitOfFun · 27/12/2019 23:03

You're better off really, as you know you will always be able to stand on your own two feet. You should be proud of yourself 👏.

BumbleBeee69 · 27/12/2019 23:07

OP are you 28yrs and your kid sister is 14yrs? maybe this has alot to do with your Fathers choices OP, you're an adult ? could this be why ? Flowers

eaglejulesk · 27/12/2019 23:12

She sounds like a right little madam, and a good example of why children shouldn't be spoilt!

billy1966 · 27/12/2019 23:14

Well OP, pj's and a candle is a poor present.

Help yourself by owning the fact that you rightly think it's a fairly shite gift and you are not feeling particularly grateful for it.

I wouldn't worry about your sister, she's primarily a problem your father is creating and will have to deal with.

Well done for being so self sufficient. You are rightly proud of this.

If you want to mention about being disappointed, go for it.....

Gutterton · 27/12/2019 23:18

Does your DH buy all the gifts or does his wife?

VaggieMight · 27/12/2019 23:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

7yo7yo · 27/12/2019 23:31

Just in case pp haven’t opened your eyes enough, your dad is shit.
It doesn’t sound like you need him for anything so tell him to piss of.
He gives you money with conditions and his other daughter unlimited funds!
In what world would you not be upset?
Maybe next time she flaunts it, you should within his earshot, I’m not jealous, I’m sad that dad obviously cares for you more than me.

HeddaGarbled · 27/12/2019 23:41

Both, I think. Your beef should be with your dad, not with her.