Given up, nobody wants me

[Mystiquesummer]

I don't know what the point is anymore. In the past 7 years i've been dumped or rejected in some manner 10 times.
I know you don't always know what goes on behind the scenes but most of the couples around me seem really happy and loved-up.
I've been cheated on and abused and i've previously sought therapy.
A girl I know has been travelling with a guy she met in September, they are now madly in love and have plans to meet his family in 6 months' time. I couldn't even get some guys to commit to going for a drink with me.
Every guy is always 'not sure' or 'meh' about me. Or they like me but like someone else MORE.
NOBODY falls for me and I feel like i'm cursed.
I'm a good samaritain, I give blood, i've given so much to charity and I help children with special needs, and I really don't deserve all the bad luck I get. I'm talking to a guy online who seems very half-arsed. I was talking to another who was negging me so I stopped.
I had a date yesterday which went well, I thought. Then the guy just suddenly ghosted me yesterday.
Guys have dumped me for girls who are cheats or willing to cheat and it hurts that they don't want somebody faithful and kind like me.
I'm very pretty and I have a nice figure. But i've come to realise that looks mean absolutely nothing.
At a wedding recently my friends were making jokes about my love life and I just ended up bursting into tears. I've tried everything, i'm in a running club but most men there are over 40, which is fine but i'm only 28. I've tried having a break from dating, not looking and all the usual stuff. I feel depressed and i'm glad I have a supportive family.
I know a few years ago I was a weak ass pushover with no boundaries but I think i'm better now. People have chosen partners who aren't necessarily perfect for them and theyve managed to make things work.
I'm sat here crying in my bedroom. Men just see me as someone to have sex with and nothing more. My male friend even joked I should just try dating women and how unlucky I am.
If it weren't for my family I don't know if I would be here anymore. I also want to get braces, learn to drive as well as saving for a deposit and I cannot afford any of it, which makes me feel even more down.
Sorry for the rant, I just dont know what's wrong with me, it's a shame a 28 year old feels this way.

I do try to come off as positive and confident. Maybe I didn't as much in the past but. I feel like the guys are very keen before they sleep with you but always lose interest around the 1-2 month point. It can't be possible that i've picked bad guys every single time. The one I thought was the love of my life casually left for someone else with no explanation other than he liked her more, they are still together and seem madly in love.

No advice but for you. I would say that if your 'friends' treat your love life as a joke, you need to find some new friends.

Yeah, luckily I have some nice ones who support me, but I feel like even deep down they must feel like I have some sort of problem. I never thought it would be so hard. Honestly, I do have a high opinion of myself, I think I have good looks, a nice personality and i'm talented at several things, I think i've a lot to offer. But nobody ever loves me.

I have 'learned to be happy' single, but it's hard to with the constant rejection. I don't see why I shouldn't be allowed to want someone and try to find someone.

When you're on dates, do you have a laugh? There might simply be nothing you're doing 'wrong'. You could be coming across as desperate for a relationship and sad you're not in one which can be off-putting.

What kind of boundaries do you have? Are you a people pleaser?

I'm not going to patronise you by saying you just haven't met he right man yet. I was 34 before I found the right man but I didn't have the same circumstances as you.

And yeah I agree about your friends. They don't sound very nice people. Tell them to stfu if they don't have anything nice to say.

No advice but I could have written this. I’m 30, I’m attractive, decent job and buying my own flat in London. I don’t struggle to get male attention but just like you, nobody ever falls for me. I honestly don’t know where other people find guys who are just respectful and uncomplicated and want relationships. I am bisexual but have dated more men than women and don’t feel very confident with women so that’s also a bit of a non starter. I am content with the notion of being single forever and have good friends/pastimes outside of work to occupy me but I do think it would be nice to have someone to share life with. The last guy I dated I thought was super nice but turned out he was actually a gaslighting sociopath (verified and corroborated by his ex)

Please do not always assume that you are the problem in this situation, you just haven’t met the right person yet!
You are 28 and there is still so much time to meet someone. Are you online line dating? As this I found really dented my confidence and I forgot how many times men ghosted me and I took it personally

Thanks for the replies. I'm thinking of my last 2 dates and I don't think I came across as desperate at all. I didn't mention anything about wanting a relationship/wanting to get married.
I'm not going to say we were sat there with tears of laughter streaming down our cheeks but we did joke and laugh.
I'm very into hair and make up which I don't think there is anything wrong with. I like to do a good face of glamorous make up but this doesn't mean you are an airhead or anything, but perhaps they are thinking i'm superficial or high maintenance because of how I look.
I was definitely a people pleaser before but I've made drastic improvements. I'll always be a little shy and reserved but i'm a believer in the right person will like me for me.

Honestly, there are worse things.
Many people are in relationships that are damaging or less than rewarding. Far better to rock being single, get sex if you want it (as that doesn't seem to be a problem) and avoid being trapped in a relationship which is too much of a compromise.

Perhaps I'm just cynical, but none of my friends are in marriages that rock their world- just 'ok' partnerships that function in raising families.

Life can seem like that but it does not mean you are not fabulous!

For the new year, focus on yourself and your own personal goals. Driving, getting more active, having more fun.

Forget about men for a bit

Lots of them in your age group are a bit crap in terms of committing and playing the field, I think

Be kind to yourself and do things that please YOU

Thanks for the replies, sorry to hear about some of the experiences you have had. @dodgeballchamp I hope you meet someone nice too, sounds like you have loads going for you !
I have online dated but sadly hasn't worked out so far. Also a lot of ghosting or men who don't seem that interested.
And this is going to sound shallow and maybe I am but a lot of the men who have dumped/rejected me or whatever, I honestly don't think they are all that in any way. And they don't think i'm good enough which makes me feel even worse.

Most guys I've met in real life I wouldn't want to date. I actually think it is hard to meet someone you click with, fancy, is available, after the same thing and then that is all reciprocated.

My advice would be to live your life, make it amazing and date in the background but don't make it a focus.

No one can predict the future, but the likelihood you will never meet a partner when you want to is slim.

No relationship is a guarantee of happiness.

My friend is kind, generous, thoughtful, a wonderful human being all round, is actually really attractive, sexy imho, and she is very Well off. But supremely unlucky with men. I despair, because she deserves the world but only shit heads and sex crazed morons are currently on her dating apps (she works from home so not much chance of meeting anyone that way). I'm sorry, I don't have much advice. Just massive of sympathy. Life just isn't fair sometimes.

What kind of work do you do?

Do you live at home with your family or alone/with friends?

You can’t drive, and say you can’t afford to. Where does your money go? Are you independent? Do you live in a big city like London or Manchester? Otherwise a lot of people will be put off by having to do all the driving in a relationship.

Thanks for the help, I have had several months of trying to focus on myself, but I haven't had a LTR for 4.5 years now and i'm honestly tired of just focusing on myself.
I'm not interested in casual sex and I tend to get attached to men who I sleep with.
You are absolutely right in that they are probably just in 'ok' relationships. I think i'm just focusing on the guy who dumped me but never actually dumped me properly for someone else, who seems madly in love with the new girl and my other friend who's so in love with the travelling guy.
Ive not had a serious relationship for so long. I just want to experience being loved again and being committed.

And this is going to sound shallow and maybe I am but a lot of the men who have dumped/rejected me or whatever, I honestly don't think they are all that in any way. And they don't think i'm good enough which makes me feel even worse

No no no, this isn't you - inevitably they're married etc, it's not YOU, it's these cheating scummers they're not "rejecting" you because it's you, they're just ego-fishing

I agree, life is unfair. I've also been bullied in many jobs i've had. But i've been lucky that Ive got a fantastic supportive family, i'm in good health, i've got some great friends and i've been able to get an education/do a job I love, i've got to look at these things.
I live in a very big city so not driving hasn't really been an issue, and some of the men i've dated also haven't been able to drive.
I live alone in a small studio and I work in education.

I do try to live my life, I work two jobs, I have different hobbies, sometimes travel if I can afford it. But I don't want to do that forever, I want to experience having a partner again.

I could have written this exact post myself last year. The only pieces of advice I can offer are 1) to stay off OLD. It's a massive confidence dent and, whatever people say, I believe that it isn't the way most people are meeting their partners. 2) I know it's cliche but seriously, look after yourself and be happy on your own. You don't want to ooze desperation, men see it as a turn off. 3) Don't sleep with anyone you aren't in a LTR with. I'm not saying you shouldn't have sex if you want it, but only if you know you aren't going to get attached to that man, and that's often the difficult bit. You've said yourself that you get attached to these men but some of them (though not all) will be using you for sex. I speak from painful experience.

I know you don't want to hear this, because this is the exact kind of advice I hated hearing myself, but you're still young (and I feel like I can say that because I'm only 29 myself) and you have time. Throw yourself into going out and having fun with good friends (not the ones who laugh at your love life). Enjoy being selfish and not having to think of a boyfriend or kids! There is nothing wrong with you at all, there is someone out there for everyone and there is someone out there for you too. He will turn up eventually, he's probably just enjoying being 28 at the moment.

Don’t give up! I spent the whole of my twenties single, watching all of my friends settle down one by one and wondering what on earth was the matter with me! I didn’t have a lot of confidence and I felt like I was the ugly one amongst my friends so I probably didn’t really give out a good vibe when out and about.
My first proper boyfriend was when I was 31. I’m now 37, we are now married, have one child and another on the way. I’m not saying this to make you feel bad, but in a way that I once felt exactly like you and I would be the only one left on my own forever. But it just takes one special person, and time and patience for them to come along. Hope things feel better for you soon x

I too could have written this. I’ve been single for nearly 3 years, been on over 100 first dates in that time, only about 10 of which led to a second (it’s almost always me doing the rejecting). I’ve tried different things, including meeting men offline, and dating “out of type” but I still only find liars, cheats, abusers and men who’re just looking for sex.

I don’t know what the answer is but I just wanted to let you know that I understand the immense frustration and sadness. You’re not alone

Thanks everyone, you are all very kind ! I think OLD is good in terms of you meeting a démographic of people you wouldn't meet otherwise and it gives you more options, but I agree it is just a numbers game and ghosting is so common.
These 'madly in love' situations seem to have occurred with people travelling, but it isn't something I am in a position to do right now, maybe one day.
I will try and enjoy the freedom for a little longer.

@ThirtyAndASmidgen i'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad you understand, it seems like to be so common online, I guess it brings out this sweet shop mentality in some people. I hope you meet someone better soon.

The guy I thought was the one left in September and he's already moved in with the other one. I still miss him every day but he was a liar who strung me along.

Half-arsed, negging, cheating, only-wanting-sex men are unfortunately very common and it's really not you. Everyone who's dipped a toe into the OLD sewer pool has encountered loads of that. It most definitely is about the men in question.

If you can't afford to drive, save a deposit etc you should probably stop the charitable giving and any volunteering that you do. You need to look after yourself first. I feel like I'm rude saying that, but it's the advice I would give my younger self so I'm giving it to you.

I think you should focus on RL activities. Like the running club but not, if the guys there are too old/ married. Make the most of being young in a city, the odds are that somebody will turn up.