Given up, nobody wants me

[Mystiquesummer]

I don't know what the point is anymore. In the past 7 years i've been dumped or rejected in some manner 10 times.
I know you don't always know what goes on behind the scenes but most of the couples around me seem really happy and loved-up.
I've been cheated on and abused and i've previously sought therapy.
A girl I know has been travelling with a guy she met in September, they are now madly in love and have plans to meet his family in 6 months' time. I couldn't even get some guys to commit to going for a drink with me.
Every guy is always 'not sure' or 'meh' about me. Or they like me but like someone else MORE.
NOBODY falls for me and I feel like i'm cursed.
I'm a good samaritain, I give blood, i've given so much to charity and I help children with special needs, and I really don't deserve all the bad luck I get. I'm talking to a guy online who seems very half-arsed. I was talking to another who was negging me so I stopped.
I had a date yesterday which went well, I thought. Then the guy just suddenly ghosted me yesterday.
Guys have dumped me for girls who are cheats or willing to cheat and it hurts that they don't want somebody faithful and kind like me.
I'm very pretty and I have a nice figure. But i've come to realise that looks mean absolutely nothing.
At a wedding recently my friends were making jokes about my love life and I just ended up bursting into tears. I've tried everything, i'm in a running club but most men there are over 40, which is fine but i'm only 28. I've tried having a break from dating, not looking and all the usual stuff. I feel depressed and i'm glad I have a supportive family.
I know a few years ago I was a weak ass pushover with no boundaries but I think i'm better now. People have chosen partners who aren't necessarily perfect for them and theyve managed to make things work.
I'm sat here crying in my bedroom. Men just see me as someone to have sex with and nothing more. My male friend even joked I should just try dating women and how unlucky I am.
If it weren't for my family I don't know if I would be here anymore. I also want to get braces, learn to drive as well as saving for a deposit and I cannot afford any of it, which makes me feel even more down.
Sorry for the rant, I just dont know what's wrong with me, it's a shame a 28 year old feels this way.

Thank you, that does make me feel better. The problem is that they do that to me then they're lovely and committed to the ones they actually want to be with. The last guy only wanted sex but led me to believe it was more, then dropped me like a hot potato for her, he couldn't get official with her quick enough.
No you are absolutely right. I do need to start saving better, I hate my gap teeth too and I would like to get a brace but it's in the thousands. Maybe with a year of saving I could.
Definitely, I'm very dedicated to running but I could join a second club with more people, maybe drawing as I do draw a lot !

Matched with an old schoolfriend on bumble, messaged him and no reply. Why match if you aren't going to talk. Now ghosted again by someone else. I don't think that there's anything particularly wrong with what i'm saying, it's just that there is always someone 'better'.

But I'm sure you don't reply to everyone that messages you? Don't take it so personally. It's OLD, you need a tough skin when doing it

No that's true, I need a thicker skin for OLD, it's so hard. It's just life, some people are luckier than others.

I met my partner on OLD. Very, very happy but had to kiss a few frogs first. Be picky and keep it in the background, don't focus on it too much

It's not you. It's like looking for a needle in a haystack. I gave up 12 years ago and I am much happier for it.

I sympathise. I felt exactly like you do at your age. Then at 29 I met Dh and that was it. We clicked and I realised why I had been mooching around being chucked or ignored throughout my twenties. We've been together 25 years now and are still very happy and have fantastic plans for adventures when DC leave home next year.

The one thing you have is freedom, though. Why can't you go travelling? If you have no partner or DC, you are free to do what you like. You don;t need a lot of money. You can get seasonal work. Sell some things and save like a miser for a few months then hand in yoru notice and go.

I had some disasters in my relationships. Then at 29 met dh on a blind date lol
25 years later and 4 children latter.
Made me appreciate him all the more.
I often say I wish I'd met him sooner ,but maybe it wouldn't have worked.
I don't think I was ready until - I was.
Your time will come.

Glad to hear these stories of people finding happiness. It's a shame that my mental health is suffering, it's Christmas and i'm sat feeling miserable. I shouldn't be feeling like this because of some men.

I'm a lot older than you and my advice (antiquated as it may sound) is to draw some boundaries around intimacy and allow a relationship to build up some erotic pressure, whilst getting to know someone properly. It can damage your self confidence to sleep with someone and to be dumped. Focus on developing friendships, connections, hobbies, everything you can to make your life as interesting as possible.

“Sell some things and save like a miser for a few months then hand in yoru notice and go.”

I did literally this last year and then came back to a shiny new job. It was fun at the time but I can’t say it did a thing for my mental health. In fact, it arguably made it worse because I feel my life is totally pointless without someone to share it with. I’ve become very nihilistic and hedonist.

I have a friend who sounds just like you OP. Instead of considering the guys she goes for are wrong she goes into full woe is me, what’s wrong with me mode? She has only ever met boyfriends in bars and they’ve never treated her well or lasted long but she thinks that’s the only way to meet guys. She didn’t like OLD because of the sex focus.

She went on a date with another friend of mine then messaged him incessantly to the point he ghosted her after trying to politely tell her to stop. He told me she was coming on way too strong and desperate for a husband after a first date and when I suggested to her (I’m far more subtle terms) this may have been the case she didn’t recognise the behaviour in herself. I didn’t have the heart to say this was what he’d said to me.

Could it be you have a similar set of behaviours that you consider endearing (such as regular messaging) that your potential partners don’t? Could you be coming on too strong in the early stages? Could you be picking the wrong type of guys almost habitually?

Everything @StinkyWizleteets said.
Also @StinkyWizleteets I think you should tell your friend why he ghosted or she'll just keep doing it ....

Being in a relationship isn’t be all end all - of course many think grass is greener but god I loved my single life compared to where I am right now apart from my baby - he’s amazing😂 you’re 28 it’s young no point rushing.

Thanks for the replies, I already do have an interesting life, but I still want to experience being in a relationship, and no amount of hobbies or friends can change that.
I may consider travelling next summer (I get long holidays) and getting a summer job abroad if I can.
On dates I never ever talk about wanting to find a husband. I don't text incessantly, I don't really tend to like someone until after a few dates and it's usually them doing the chasing at first.
But true I have met the wrong guys before and that is on me. One was someone who occasionally did coke, he was racist and had a whole lot of issues.
Another was a pisshead with a drink driving conviction who lived at home with his Mum at 30 and got wasted in the pub constantly.
Then one who was about to leave to go travelling and doing OLD, and I was naïve to think he wanted anything other than sex.
Anyway my mental health is terrible right now so it's probably not the best time.
I have to accept that most people on OLD will not reply or suddenly stop replying.

I'm questioning everything atm including who my real friends are, who I am, and I feel miserable every single day and can't get over the last guy I dated.
I'm considering anti depressants, they may be worth a try, I can't take this anymore.

Then I hear these stories of people who are in an official relationship after 1 week, who slept together on the first date, my friend is booking a holiday with someone she's seen 6 times. So rushing things has worked out fine for them, again it's just down to my bad luck.

You sound great - I think he only thing you're missing is patience good luck

Thanks, but I have tried for nearly 5 years now 😂 maybe I just have to wait a bit longer..

Don't give up! I didn't meet my DH (OLD but it turned out we had loads of people in common!) until I was 37, I'm now coming up on 40 newly married and ttc our 1st.

I was single from age 29 with a few disastrous short relationships until I met DH - I was honestly close to giving up but I'm so glad I didn't.

Oops

Half-arsed, negging, cheating, only-wanting-sex men are unfortunately very common and it's really not you. Everyone who's dipped a toe into the OLD sewer pool has encountered loads of that. It most definitely is about the men in question.

Charlotte are you me? Wonderful bit of prose too, if hard won no doubt

I am not bothering anymore op . Been single 8 years and when you have a dc like me it's even near impossible. You are still young and child free . Keep dating you might get lucky soon

Mystique I just think you have to be v cautious with OLD, if you are going to continue with it. Have few expectations and don’t knock yourself out. I don’t do it myself now, though I am older than you. But even when I did it when younger, it was pretty naff IME.

I’d also have a break from it, 6 months, a year.

Aw thanks @WalkAwayStarry. I like your advice about taking a break from OLD.