Given up, nobody wants me

[Mystiquesummer]

I don't know what the point is anymore. In the past 7 years i've been dumped or rejected in some manner 10 times.
I know you don't always know what goes on behind the scenes but most of the couples around me seem really happy and loved-up.
I've been cheated on and abused and i've previously sought therapy.
A girl I know has been travelling with a guy she met in September, they are now madly in love and have plans to meet his family in 6 months' time. I couldn't even get some guys to commit to going for a drink with me.
Every guy is always 'not sure' or 'meh' about me. Or they like me but like someone else MORE.
NOBODY falls for me and I feel like i'm cursed.
I'm a good samaritain, I give blood, i've given so much to charity and I help children with special needs, and I really don't deserve all the bad luck I get. I'm talking to a guy online who seems very half-arsed. I was talking to another who was negging me so I stopped.
I had a date yesterday which went well, I thought. Then the guy just suddenly ghosted me yesterday.
Guys have dumped me for girls who are cheats or willing to cheat and it hurts that they don't want somebody faithful and kind like me.
I'm very pretty and I have a nice figure. But i've come to realise that looks mean absolutely nothing.
At a wedding recently my friends were making jokes about my love life and I just ended up bursting into tears. I've tried everything, i'm in a running club but most men there are over 40, which is fine but i'm only 28. I've tried having a break from dating, not looking and all the usual stuff. I feel depressed and i'm glad I have a supportive family.
I know a few years ago I was a weak ass pushover with no boundaries but I think i'm better now. People have chosen partners who aren't necessarily perfect for them and theyve managed to make things work.
I'm sat here crying in my bedroom. Men just see me as someone to have sex with and nothing more. My male friend even joked I should just try dating women and how unlucky I am.
If it weren't for my family I don't know if I would be here anymore. I also want to get braces, learn to drive as well as saving for a deposit and I cannot afford any of it, which makes me feel even more down.
Sorry for the rant, I just dont know what's wrong with me, it's a shame a 28 year old feels this way.

You’re welcome 😊.

I had a 6 month break from OLD earlier this year and it was the same “old” (pun intended) shit when I returned. The difference this time though is that I set myself a time limit: 3 months (until my subscription renews) and then I’ll take another break. Unfortunately I’m nearly at the end of the 3 months, with only two dates and very little genuine interest to show for it, but I do feel more in control for setting these boundaries.

I don’t get this thing where people think they have to be with someone. Seriously at 55 and single for six years I can’t think of anything worse than a other half or boyfriend.

FabbyChix good for you! 👏 I adore cheese; my sister can’t stand it. Neither of us is wrong 🙄

Buy the book: Why men love bitches.
It is slightly dated , but a few interesting concepts. You can pick it up cheap on eBay.

Also check out these relationship videos on YouTube by:
Matthew Hussey
Susan Winters
Alex Cormont
Derrick Jaxn

Good luck.

Have you tried speed dating? It weeds out those who aren't serious because they have to pay, turn up and engage, plus, the organisers have their details and you get to meet dozens of local, potential matches in one evening.

Another tip is to date several men at the same time so you dont get hung up on just one or have to start again if one ends things.

You’re still young and there’s still time.

I’m married now but didn’t get with DH until I was 32 and i’d all but given up hope. I tried clubs, the gym, online dating. You name it, I tried it. Finally he came along and we’ve been married 2.5 years now. It can and will happen @Mystiquesummer you’ve got plenty of time

I could have written your opening post OP. I have had such similar experiences to you although a few years older.

From the outside I'm probably seen as strong, independent, successful, and I know ppl envy my many holidays and lack of responsibilities but inside I feel so alone and wish someone loved me. I cant imagine ever feeling special to someone or someone thinking about me or missing me.

I've been deeply hurt by men in the past, these men would now walk past me in the street unaware of how much damage they've cost.

Its shit and sometimes its good to acknowledge that than having to listen to all the 'theres someone out there ' 'find a new hobby ' etc drivel

I wonder if you have a couple of really good friends you can ask for feedback? Do you have any male friends who could do the same? You need some honest opinions. It could be all sorts of things. I wonder what your interests are? Do you have opinions, do you read widely? Do you have activities you are passionate about? It may be that you are so busy trying desperately to find 'the one' that you are a tiny bit dull and eager to please. I personally think men have a radar and if you're too eager to please and fit in with what they want/expect they aren't much interested, or just use you. If you value yourself, have lots of interests and an active social life, that makes you interesting to other people, both men and women.
Men treat you badly because you are too desperate to hang onto to them and don't value yourself enough.
I would do something for yourself, to find you. Go travelling, have an adventure, go on a trekking holiday. Take up some news interests and stop focusing on finding a partner. You will find you meet the right person when you least expect it.

By the way I have a son who would absolutely love to meet someone like you. He is a decent, caring guy who would never mess a woman around but he's too shy to make any approaches.There are decent guys out there but sometimes they aren't meeting the right people, just like you.

I've got ten years on you but have had a lot of similar feelings.

This stood out for me:
I tend to get attached to men who I sleep with.

I think this is becoming too big a thing for you. Your self-esteem must not be dependent on a man being committed to you romantically. I get that you have a full life and are keeping busy, but if there's something that women who always seem to have guys after then gave in common it's that they don't seem in the slightest bit concerned about whether a guy likes them or not.

If I were your age I'd take a break from online dating. Spend 6-12 months focused on you. Work on your self-esteem. Focus on getting the job you want and doing things that make you feel awesome. You have some time.

What are you looking for in a man? It might be that you have some conflict there without being aware of it, and that might be leading you towards the wrong kind of men. For example, it sounds as though you are quite genuine and you want love - but are you subconsciously being attracted to a certain look in a man, or a certain kind of job or financial standing, and if you were able to stop your subconscious filters, you might start meeting the more loving kind of men you really want?

Do you have low self esteem, for example know that you are pretty objectively but not feel it or feel good enough? If so that could also be taking you towards the wrong kind of man subconsciously.

How is your relationship with your parents? Do you understand most of the relationships you have with friends and family and feel you are well treated and that you treat them well, clear about boundaries and can you predict how they will react to things?

And finally - there are a lot of people out there who have very different ideas about relationships, perhaps you need to recognise and weed out the wrong-for-you-uns more quickly, so that you are free to meet the sort of person you'd really like a relationship with?

@lexiepuppy is right.