Partner has been filming me naked without my consent

[mrssmith01]

Hi,
I really have nowhere else or no one else to go to so I'm hoping I can get some advice from here.

I basically found out on the weekend my partner of 3 years has been secretly filming me naked for the past few months, maybe years, when we have parties at home (just the 2 of us.)

I was using my boyfriend’s phone to change the music, and I accidentally swiped onto the camera and noticed pictures of me in the camera roll. I looked through and there were about 5 naked videos of me, taken without me knowing. I deleted them and confronted him about it, and he said he was sorry. Apparently there more videos from other parties we’d had at home, and he went through his phone and deleted them. I asked for his phone the next day and found more naked pictures of me that I didn’t know he had taken – when I was just out of the shower, or lying down etc., which I deleted and deleted from the recently deleted folder.

I’m not sure if I’m overreacting but it feels like a massive betrayal of my trust and violation of my privacy. He’s taken some nude pics before, then sent them to me straight away, and that’s fine – I know he’s taken them and can make him delete them. But all these secret videos and pictures creeps me out. He keeps acting apologetic and like it’s not really a big deal. He even said it’s not like I’ve cheated on you or something.

I just need some outside input because he’s just acting like it’s not a big deal at all.

Any advice appreciated!

I'd feel violated and that I couldn't trust him.

That is a massive betrayal. Dump him!

Dump him. I dont understand all the stuff about parties though.

No you're not over reacting.

Porn has addled some people's minds.

What he did is not okay.

I'd end it over that, but I don't understand the correlation with the parties?

Huh, what kind of parties are you having??

It's weird and seriously creepy. I couldn't respect them

This is a big deal and no you are not overreacting. He is not sorry at all and is only sorry now because he has been caught.

I would also consider talking to the Police about this matter too.

You found these images of you by accident rather than design and he certainly was not going to tell you openly about these images. I would not wish to upset you further such images as well could have also been shared online. You cannot trust him now and if there is no trust there is no relationship. You and he should not be together any longer.

This is enormous betrayal and there is no coming back from this. It’s very black and white: there is no excuse in the world to justify this and I would dump him and report him to the police as well.

OP I hate to bring this up but is there any possibility he might have shared images or videos with others/ uploaded them to pornsites?

I’m so sorry, this must be devastating xxx

This is a complete betrayal and I 'd be worrying about what he might have done with these images and videos. I don't think i would be able to get over this.

I also don't understand the parties reference. So only possible proviso is if you do "parties" where you dance around naked and take pictures of each other.

He's a pervert and may have posted them online. I couldn't forgive him.

Deleting them from his phone is all well and good but most people back their phones up to the cloud so may well all still be there.

This is a huge betrayal of trust. Up to you but I don't know if I could carry on with him. Especially with him minimising it.

@Honeybee85 that would be my concern too - if he took them without consent then has he posted them somewhere without telling you?
Have you asked him about that OP?

@GrannyBags

It’s the thing that crossed my mind immediately. It’s a terrifying thought but the OP better find out to protect herself if he did (I keep fingers crossed that he didn’t).

What parties are you having that involve you being naked?

This is a crime he has committed. Take this to the police. He should be charged and go on the Sex Offenders Register. How do you know this stuff will not be all over the internet in years to come. If you have complained to the police you will be in a better position to protect your online presence in the future.

The OP said she had a private party with her partner at home.

Just the 2 of them without the OP giving her consent for photos and videos taken during said parties.

Absolute betrayal of trust. I don't want to add to your angst but you need to be aware of all the potential ramifications. It is likely that he has been sharing these clips either with friends or by uploading to amateur porn sites. It's very common unfortunately. What's done is done but you should seriously consider whether you can ever trust this human scab ever again.

It’s fucking horrendous OP

What kind of "parties"????

Are they deleted from his icloud?- tbh id dump in a hot minute...possibly consider finding out if I could press charges for such a thing

I was in court this week to report on a case almost identical to this. He was given a suspended jail sentence and a bloody massive fine. You would be well within your rights to contact the police.

Parties?!

He is a pervert.

That is absolutely disgusting that he's done this to you.

Dump dump dump!!

It's obvious she means kinky sex sessions when she says party for 2, enough with the faux bafflement. Kinky sex parties for 2, all good. Him taking footage without your consent? Major betrayal of trust.

Wow. This is horrendous. I wouldn’t be able to trust someone who did this to me. So sorry, op.

do the parties involve taking drugs? Agree with everyone else.