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Original poster

PILs didn’t send me a present AIBU?

57 replies

Purplebutterfly320 · 23/12/2019 10:17

Just that really. PILs sent 4 presents for my husband (their son) and a jumper and small cuddly toy for our 4 year old but nothing for me. (He opened them early as they told him to).

To put in context-we’ve been together for 20 years and married for 12 years. I’ve traditionally bought all their presents every year.

Our sons birthday is in Jan. No doubt they will be expecting to stay in our house to visit (they live some distance away).

Their visits are always very stressful as my cleaning attempts always fall short of my MIL’s exacting standards. For instance she always opens the oven and sticks her head in it to check whether I’ve cleaned it properly to her standards. She mostly ignores our 4 year old as she prefers to sit on our sofa reading a magazine that she brings with her.
Both MIL and FIL completely ignore me during their visits; don’t make eye contact, don’t talk to me at all etc etc.

No doubt they’ll be expecting to stay in our house to see our child for their birthday in a couple of weeks time (they live a distance away).

I don’t want to affect contact between our child and his grandparents.
But AIBU to want them to stay in a local hotel rather than in our house?

OP posts:

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 23/12/2019 10:19

Don’t be a mug OP (anymore). did your husband call them and ask which of the 4 gifts are for you? He shouldn’t let them treat you like this.

Palavah · 23/12/2019 10:21

What @drinkfeckarsegirls said

ineedaholidaynow · 23/12/2019 10:22

Do they normally buy you a present?

Why do they not criticise your husband's cleaning standards as well, it is his house too? What does your DH say to them when they ignore you, does he pull them up on it?

starfishmummy · 23/12/2019 10:23

Do they usually get you a gift? Could it have been forgotten....clutches straws

Dacquoise · 23/12/2019 10:35

They really are treating you as a second class citizen aren't they. You must feel very resentful of their visits and attitude towards you. It's so rude and arrogant to ignore you in your own home.

Is your husband aware of this and why is he not tackling it? He really needs to be supporting you. No more visits until they shape up?

Dacquoise · 23/12/2019 10:36

Totally not unreasonable for them to stay somewhere else. At least you can made yourself scarce to enable visits to grandchild.

Charles11 · 23/12/2019 10:39

Could any of your husbands gifts be for the both of you? Do they usually buy you a gift?

Treat them how they treat you.

CoffeeCoinnesseur · 23/12/2019 10:41

So in summary, your husband lets his parents treat you like shit.

Nice bloke.

Iloveacurry · 23/12/2019 10:44

Firstly stop buying their presents, let your DH do that for his parents. Ask them to stay in a hotel, if not, then your DH has to do all the preparations and entertaining when they visit. If I was you, I’d be unavailable for most of their visit.

elmosducks · 23/12/2019 10:46

Don't buy for them anymore. Your DH should take care of his family.

And tell your DH that they are not welcome in your home for more than 1/2 nights. And he has to be there the whole time.

You take that time to go and do something for you... win win.

Eeeeek2 · 23/12/2019 10:49

Yer no more shopping for them. Plus can you make use of any of his presents and if so get dh to tell them he have given you such and such as you didn't get something.

Next time husband gets his parents a present half the budget as obviously you're no longer buying them anything.

Don't be in when they want to visit. Sorry I've got plans then (make some now!) What do you say when she inspects you're oven? Please tell me you say something or hand her the oven cleaner so she can show you how to do it properly.

CornforthWhite · 23/12/2019 11:05

This is about how your husband supports you with this. He needs to tell them their behaviour isn’t acceptable.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 23/12/2019 11:12

He needs to phone and ask where your gift is, and he needs to be prepared to kick up a stink.

They can stay elsewhere as unfortunately there's no longer room for them to stay with you. DH can tell them that too.

Runnerduck34 · 23/12/2019 11:21

Unforgivably rude not to buy you a present, assuming the 4 gifts they bought aren't joint gifts? Is this usual behaviour for them? Youve been together with DH a long time. If so it's time to stand up for yourself , of course you want your DC to have a good relationship with GP but it's not a good role model/ example for them to see their DM being treated and also accepting being treated like this!
What does your DH say? Explain how you feel, he should pull his parents up on it. Do they criticise both you and DH for perceived poor housekeeping or just you? I would definitely avoid them staying over again, they sound rude, arrogant and entitled. And stop buying them.presents!

XJerseyGirlX · 23/12/2019 11:26

I can't believe you and your husband let them treat you like that. The fact that they don't make eye contact with you is disgusting. They would not be allowed to step foot in my house. Has your dh ever asked them why they treat you like this?

Strongmummy · 23/12/2019 11:28

Your husband needs to have a strong word.

FoxFriend · 23/12/2019 11:36

I think that the lack of present is the least of your issues with them. These people stay in your home and refuse to talk to you or even make eye contact. That is appalling. What does your husband do when they treat you this way? He needs to be willing to tell them in no uncertain terms that this behaviour will not be tolerated. There is no way I would let someone who behaved this way towards my husband set foot in my house and nor would he.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/12/2019 11:39

You’ve been far too accommodating here with the result being they have trodden on your far too low boundaries.

What is your husband doing whilst all this is and has gone on?. He is key here. What does he think?

Is he a mouse also when it comes to his thoroughly awful parents ?. Your child needs emotionally healthy role models as grandparents, not these two who ignore him when they visit as well as disrespecting your as his mother.

Winterdaysarehere · 23/12/2019 11:43

Send them links to local hotel. No way should you host them again.
And dh needs to man the fuck up and ring about your gift...

IdleBet · 23/12/2019 11:46

So in summary, your husband lets his parents treat you like shit.

Agree. More fool you.

rainbowstardrops · 23/12/2019 11:46

Your husband needs to pull them up on this and not allow them to treat you like shit.
Oh and there is no way on this earth that they'd be staying in my house while they treat you so badly!

MissEliza · 23/12/2019 11:54

Why should they expect to visit for his birthday? He's an adult. Surely only milestone birthdays matter.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 23/12/2019 11:55

@MissEliza they're visiting for OPs sons birthday, not her DH's

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/12/2019 12:00

Agree with the consensus. You have a dh problem. Horrible people.

81Byerley · 23/12/2019 12:06

Book a couple of days away for your son's birthday, just for you and him, leaving early on the day, and don't tell any of them. They are ignorant and rude, and your husband is almost as bad for not standing up to them.

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