PILs didn’t send me a present AIBU?

[Purplebutterfly320]

Just that really. PILs sent 4 presents for my husband (their son) and a jumper and small cuddly toy for our 4 year old but nothing for me. (He opened them early as they told him to).

To put in context-we’ve been together for 20 years and married for 12 years. I’ve traditionally bought all their presents every year.

Our sons birthday is in Jan. No doubt they will be expecting to stay in our house to visit (they live some distance away).

Their visits are always very stressful as my cleaning attempts always fall short of my MIL’s exacting standards. For instance she always opens the oven and sticks her head in it to check whether I’ve cleaned it properly to her standards. She mostly ignores our 4 year old as she prefers to sit on our sofa reading a magazine that she brings with her.
Both MIL and FIL completely ignore me during their visits; don’t make eye contact, don’t talk to me at all etc etc.

No doubt they’ll be expecting to stay in our house to see our child for their birthday in a couple of weeks time (they live a distance away).

I don’t want to affect contact between our child and his grandparents.
But AIBU to want them to stay in a local hotel rather than in our house?

Agree with other posters. Presents aside there is no way I would have anyone stay in my home who completely ignores me except to criticise my cleaning.

That's wrong on so many levels. Firstly why are you the one to blame for a dirty oven when there are two adults in the home. Secondly why has your husband allowed this to go on for so long? He is the main problem to let his parents treat his wife of twenty years so disrespectfully.

I would be very hurt by the present situation and it is very rude of them to deliberately exclude the MOTHER of their grandchild like this.

They can stay in a hotel and your husband and child can go visit them.

So basically you are the housekeeper in her and dh's eyes?.
FUCK THAT.

Why do you even allow them in your house when they treat you so badly?

this happened to a friend of mine for a few years.

then she said "fuck off, no more". Well, I think they got her a Christmas gift and I don't think they were rude enough to look in her oven.

but they were generally horrible so in the end she said "I'm not mixing with them anymore - if they want to see the kids, you (DH) can take the kids to their house".

it was the most civilised way to do it and now she never has to have them in her home again. Win win.

I would be so, so tempted to offer to turn the oven on when she sticks her head in it. I wouldn't say it aloud though.
Stop buying them presents and send your husband to visit them with the birthday boy. Life is too short for all that nonsense.

Tell them to heck off.

Ignorant, rude, bloody obnoxious gits.

Both MIL and FIL completely ignore me during their visits; don’t make eye contact, don’t talk to me at all etc etc

What does you Dh say about this? Does he not stick up for you?

They sound incredibly rude and I wouldn't tolerate that. Why are you even contemplating entertaining them? Just get DH to tell them they cannot stay and are not welcome.

My husband would not tolerate this. His mum didn’t treat me very nicely at one point and DH made it clear who his loyalty was with. Since then, I’m a much adored DIL, though we don’t see too much of each other.

Op, please answer some questions.

Do they normally buy you gifts?
If so, have you fallen out recently?
Has your DH queried where yours is?

Agree with PP’s: why does your DH that his wife and mother of his DC is treated like this by his parents?

Both MIL and FIL completely ignore me during their visits; don’t make eye contact, don’t talk to me at all etc

Why would you let these rude duckers stay at your house? What does your h say when they ignore you??

I've not had a Christmas present from DPs parents in the 10 years we've been together. They don't even know when my birthday is! Not seen them for a good couple of years as DP tends to go up twice a year with DD when I'm working (they live about 3.5 hours away). I genuinely don't care. They have no interest in me and I'm not particularly keen on them. Suits me fine!

I don't have anything to add to what everyone else has said but please don't let this continue. You deserve to be treated better by both them and your DH

So in summary, your husband lets his parents treat you like shit

This. Your DH sucks.

Op feel your husband should be sympathetic on this and give a little call to say thank you but where is your gift.

We got gifts from MIL recently.. Mug here wrapped PIL presents beautifully, ribbon curls, bows all that shit already to visit boxing day. Then out of the blue we get an amazon delivery. Open the boxes and yep our gifts for us, not even gift wrapped.

Had to wrap my sons myself 😐

Several things here

Your dh needs to speak to them ask them where or why the haven't given you an xmas gift

Your dh needs to talk to them about their visits, they are either civil and pleasant to you or they don't stay.

Stop doing anything for them until they start to treat you better.

If they ignore your 4yr old when they visit then why bother to facilitate their relationship

Tbh, unless your dh sorts it out I wouldn't bother with them full stop

I would raise with your DH the way they treat you in your own home!

My DP's parents don't buy for me specifically but they include me in their family secret santa and when they visit my house they help entertain my child and clean up after themselves. They make an effort to ask about my family and my life which I appreciate and I do the same for them. Your PIL are exceptionally rude. I would not have them in my home. And don't buy presents for them anymore, let your husband deal with that.

OP ...your inlaws treat you like shit...your dh treats you like shit by not speaking up for you and defending you and letting them get away with treating you like shit...and you let them. What is it exactly that needs to happen that will make you realise you deserve MORE??

Jesus Christ OP.

Really!

Just awful.

Horrible in-laws.

Disrespectful, unsupportive husband.

Dis-engaged GP's.

Rude, ignorant house guests.

What happened in your life OP, that makes you think any of this is a acceptable?

Your in-laws are dreadful.

Your husband is a disgrace.

Wishing you the strength to cut them off and never have any further contact with them again.

💐

Forget the gifts, ignoring you in your own home is bang out of order. They have no reason to stay with you they can get an Airbnb or hotel! I had my bloody Inlaws over for 5 weeks when my baby was less than 12 weeks old earlier this year. Absolute nightmare & has totally destroyed relationship with husband for a number of reasons still to this day. Your husband needs to support you and they need to show some respect !

If you’ve accepted this for 20 years there’s no gentle way to change this, but that shouldn’t be an excuse to ignore this behaviour for the next 20 years. Tell them to bugger right off.

Looks like they're not coming next time/staying at premier Inn etc. What did your dh say? mine would be fuming on my behalf.

They would not be invited to my/our house.
It would be a cold day in hell before I cooked for the twats, or poured them a drink.
They could stay at a hotel, and we will meet outside the house.
I would certainly not be doing any gift buying and sending.

We went nc with ils partly because they refused to acknowledge their dgc. Gifts for everyone else but not dgc. Granted my gift cost £3.75 but at least I got a gift!!
Never mentioned him. Never visited. Ignorant fuckers were told hwnh weren't welcome. Even uninvited mil from our wedding.