PILs didn’t send me a present AIBU?

[Purplebutterfly320]

Just that really. PILs sent 4 presents for my husband (their son) and a jumper and small cuddly toy for our 4 year old but nothing for me. (He opened them early as they told him to).

To put in context-we’ve been together for 20 years and married for 12 years. I’ve traditionally bought all their presents every year.

Our sons birthday is in Jan. No doubt they will be expecting to stay in our house to visit (they live some distance away).

Their visits are always very stressful as my cleaning attempts always fall short of my MIL’s exacting standards. For instance she always opens the oven and sticks her head in it to check whether I’ve cleaned it properly to her standards. She mostly ignores our 4 year old as she prefers to sit on our sofa reading a magazine that she brings with her.
Both MIL and FIL completely ignore me during their visits; don’t make eye contact, don’t talk to me at all etc etc.

No doubt they’ll be expecting to stay in our house to see our child for their birthday in a couple of weeks time (they live a distance away).

I don’t want to affect contact between our child and his grandparents.
But AIBU to want them to stay in a local hotel rather than in our house?

So in summary, your husband lets his parents treat you like shit.

How about, revolutionary idea, he buys their presents and cleans the oven?

I find it best not to give a fuck what rude arseholes think of me. It's very freeing.

Or how's about you tell her the only time her head goes near the oven is when she's cooking a thank you meal?

Can't believe people are saying DH should be cleaning the oven. She should fuck off being a weird bitch and checking for 'cleanliness'.

Is it a gas oven. I would be tempted to turn it on when her head was in it. Can't get my head around someone doing that.

Stop giving a shit about them. Stop buying presents. Dont cook or entertain them. Dont clean your oven if you dont want to. Make your dh 100% responsible for absolutely everything to do with his parents.
I did this. Its so liberating to give zero fucks. I couldnt give a literal shit anymore....'tis great

It doesn't sound like they like you that much OP- so why accommodate them at all let alone try to impress them. It never ceases to amaze how women are still living lifes in service of their husbands to their own detriment; including the duty of having to impress in laws to please husbands and being treated badly by them but accepting it so their DH has the life he wants

Your DH should be annoyed by this OP, it's rude. He should also listen if you say you'd prefer they use a hotel this time. It's your house- if someone inspected the cleaning in mine I'd just tell them how sad it was that she thought, as a woman, that that was all life boiled down to- as well as point out how generally bloody weird and rude it is to behave in such a way when a guest in someones house.

MIL and your DH are throwing you under the bus.

Of course she’s not going to tell them to go to a hotel. No husband who allows his wife to be treated like this by his mum is suddenly going to see an error of his ways and agree. If you can’t stop your MIL from being rude to you then you can’t stop your MIL from visiting.

All you can do is change your reaction. If your DH insists they stay (and he will)... you can go to the hotel. Or every time they want something DH... you mother says your oven isn’t clean...DH your mother wants a drink. And politely explain to them that they are not your guests, you don’t wish to host them as they are rude to you, so it’s up to their son to host and see to their wants.

I also second you have a husband problem. Apart from this, if someone finds my oven dirty they are free to get up get gloves, cleaner and get down to it. I am very easygoing. No one finds fault though, they know i'd call their bluff.