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Original poster

I said no and he guilted me into sex anyway

53 replies

CrazyMum40 · 22/12/2019 10:24

I've been going off sex with my boyfriend for a while, I love him but don't want him having sex with me, he's good looking but he grosses me out, he does loud farts, snot rockets, picking his nose, wiping it on himself, benching huge burps and scratching his ass

He thinks he can fart then make a move on me, then he'll finish, roll off and let rip!

I pretend to enjoy sex and he only lasts a couple minutes so I just do it, but then a few weeks ago I had to have surgery on my cervix so no sex for what was meant to be 4-6 weeks, I let him after 3 weeks

I told him the other night I got belly ache, he said okay, anyway we get into bed and he's huffing and grunting up against me saying he wants sex and I said no a few times, and that last time we had sex I had belly ache after and don't want my belly ache made worse

but he kept rubbing himself on me saying "but you wanted it earlier" I never said I wanted it at all, not even sure where he got that idea he just assumes if we stay in same bed I'll have sex with him

In the end I gave in and say okay he said "you could of says no" I said "I did but you wouldn't take no for an answear"

Then he sulked said I made him feel bad, basically guilt tripped me into it, knew I had a belly ache, since then I've really gone off him

How on earth do I tell him I don't want sex, and that I didn't anyway for a long time as he's crap at it anyway and gives me the ick factor and now he's twisted it to make me have sex it's the final straw

I really do love him though, we get on so well, he's lovely and we do nice things but I just don't want to kiss him or touch him or have sex with him

Are we doomed?

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 22/12/2019 10:26

Why the fuck are you with him? He sounds dreadful. Are you worried about being alone? He doesn't respect your boundaries.

MonstranceClock · 22/12/2019 10:27

You don’t love him. Just leave him ffs.

LemonRedwood · 22/12/2019 10:28

Are we doomed?

Yes. End it now before it gets worse.

Landlubber2019 · 22/12/2019 10:31

You have no future with this person. You are being unfair to remain in a relationship with no sex, this doesn't excuse his behaviour but you need to start making changes. Sorry

knewyouwerewaiting · 22/12/2019 10:31

If you don’t want to even touch him I would say you have reached the end. How can you go on? He sounds gross anyway.

Scrapbookqueen1 · 22/12/2019 10:32

This man repels you! Also he shows no regard for your health. There is a reason why you shouldn’t have sex after internal surgery. When you say you love him I’m confused. You can’t be in love with him if you don’t even want him to touch you

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 22/12/2019 10:32

Leave. Now.

HowlsMovingBungalow · 22/12/2019 10:32
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 22/12/2019 10:33

Break up!! There’s not future

AntiHop · 22/12/2019 10:33

He is abusing you. You need to get away from him.

OldEvilOwl · 22/12/2019 10:33

Wtf are you doing with this prick? He has zero respect for you, he sounds disgusting

MarthasGinYard · 22/12/2019 10:34

Gosh 'relationships' is really rife with these interesting first time posters this morning.
Hmm

AnFiadhRuaRua · 22/12/2019 10:35

oh wow, that is awful. For medical reasons you were advised not to have sex and he KNEW that and he used manipulation to make you feel obligated in to having sex with him. What a selfish, selfish, selfish rapist man.

Chamomileteaplease · 22/12/2019 10:35

If you don't want to have sex with him then he would be by definition surely, just a friend. Could you keep him as a friend? Though it is so hard from your description to see why you would like him!

If you really want to, you could spell out that farting, scratching his arse, belching and all the other things you mentioned put you off sex and would put any woman off sex. See if he makes an effort.

And if he really does change and pigs fly then you can decide if you want to have sex with someone who guilts you into it when you are ill and only 3 weeks after an operation on your cervix. WTF Shock what a c**t.

MalusDacus · 22/12/2019 10:37

I can not believe he made you have sex 3 weeks after such a serious surgery. What on earth is wrong with him? Why not masturbate when you clearly weren't allowed to have sex. Sorry OP, but he is such a selfish bastard(putting his needs above your health)and his attitude stinks.

Techway · 22/12/2019 10:39

but you wanted it earlier" I never said I wanted it at all

Gaslighting.

How can you love someone who you find attractive, do you mean as a friend only?

Honestly don't waste anymore time, finish the relationship as it is unfair to you and him. Is this your first serious relationship?

Queenoftheashes · 22/12/2019 10:41

He sounds disgusting LTB

What a selfish prick

randominternetperson · 22/12/2019 10:44

This is called sexual coercion. It's not good OP. I rarely advise LTB but in this case I definitely do.

www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/sexual-coercion

SimonJT · 22/12/2019 10:44

Dump him.

I turn mine down sometimes, he doesn’t care as he’s a normal human being, not a rapist.

FatBlobbyBob · 22/12/2019 10:45
Crown Biscuit
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 22/12/2019 10:46

He sounds revolting. How do you plan to continue having a relationship with a man you don't want to touch you?

I'd end it. Once someone gives you the icks it's pretty much over.

happycamper11 · 22/12/2019 10:48

Why are you with this man. He sounds dreadful but at the same time I'd not want to be with someone who was repulsed by me and couldn't bare the thought of having sad with me so the relationship isn't working for either of you really. Call it a day as it sounds more like you are friends than anything else.

Original poster
CrazyMum40 · 22/12/2019 12:19

Yeah I'm terrified of being alone, I've hardly any mates, in fact one friend who I don't see much, my family lives miles away, I've got a 17 year old son growing up fast might soon fly the nest,

Its not my first relationship but its my longest I've been with him for 5 years, he started getting comfortable by farting on date 2 and it's just got worse and worse,
It didn't used to bother me as much as it does now

if I outright told him the disgusting things he does puts me off sex he'll say I'm shallow, as I've tried to mention it in passing in a jokey way before,
either that or I'll upset him and I'm not that mean I don't want to hurt his feelings

I always think maybe I'll fancy him again one day, maybe it is me, maybe it's because I'm due on, or it's my surgery, or it's my hormones or my medication or lack of medications, maybe I need a therapist etc

Thing is I do love him and I've tried breaking up with him before over other stuff but he wins me back as I miss him, I enjoy sex on the odd occasion, very rarely though

I just remember all the men my mate has been out with and she's told me about, cheats and liars and men who constantly go on their phone or out with the lads, my boyfriend doesn't do any of that

I don't think anyone else will put up with my low self estesm and anxiety, I find it hard to trust men but I trust him

Thanks to all that replied its sad but you all have a point, I'm so confused though as some people say how can I love him, I do though but maybe not sexually, but then loads of people are in a sexless marriage and stay together

But I just want to yo be able to say no sometimes

OP posts:
SmuggyMcKnobson · 22/12/2019 12:41

I actually feel vaguely sick reading about how fucking disgusting he is - not sure how you can bear to be anywhere near him.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 22/12/2019 12:48

Nothing about your post suggests that you love him even though you type the words "I really do love him though".

There's no future in this relationship. You are disgusted by him; he coerces you into sex. And FWIW, no decent man would be badgering you for sex after you'd had surgery on your cervix - they'd let you take the lead.