I said no and he guilted me into sex anyway

[CrazyMum40]

I've been going off sex with my boyfriend for a while, I love him but don't want him having sex with me, he's good looking but he grosses me out, he does loud farts, snot rockets, picking his nose, wiping it on himself, benching huge burps and scratching his ass

He thinks he can fart then make a move on me, then he'll finish, roll off and let rip!

I pretend to enjoy sex and he only lasts a couple minutes so I just do it, but then a few weeks ago I had to have surgery on my cervix so no sex for what was meant to be 4-6 weeks, I let him after 3 weeks

I told him the other night I got belly ache, he said okay, anyway we get into bed and he's huffing and grunting up against me saying he wants sex and I said no a few times, and that last time we had sex I had belly ache after and don't want my belly ache made worse

but he kept rubbing himself on me saying "but you wanted it earlier" I never said I wanted it at all, not even sure where he got that idea he just assumes if we stay in same bed I'll have sex with him

In the end I gave in and say okay he said "you could of says no" I said "I did but you wouldn't take no for an answear"

Then he sulked said I made him feel bad, basically guilt tripped me into it, knew I had a belly ache, since then I've really gone off him

How on earth do I tell him I don't want sex, and that I didn't anyway for a long time as he's crap at it anyway and gives me the ick factor and now he's twisted it to make me have sex it's the final straw

I really do love him though, we get on so well, he's lovely and we do nice things but I just don't want to kiss him or touch him or have sex with him

Are we doomed?

I don't mean to speak about him with contempt, I hate that I feel this way about him, I love everything else, the things we do, time spent together, meals out, random conversations and just watching films and stuff, he's so nice it almost makes up for the other stuff

What I don't understand is how can he feel like I'd be turned on when he acts this way

If he could just stop being a pig, or expecting sex on tap, maybe I'll fancy him and want sex again but he's pushing me away and turning me off

I've got time to think about things now as I've told him I can't have sex for a while and need to see a nurse, not that it stopped him before but if he tries that again he's going to get a different response than the last time

Thanks to everyone who took the time to reply I really appreciate it

I think it's a good sign that you speak about him with contempt. It shows that you're not so steeped in denial and low self-worth that you think you deserve this.

However self-efficacy is the other VITAL part of self-esteem. ie, believing that you have power over the path your own life takes. That you can take decisions that serve you.

It'd serve you to end this relationship. You have the power to make that decision and follow it through.

For a long time, I was stuck in a horribly toxic relationship where I KNEW that he was a manipulative selfish dickhead and I knew I deserved better but I was paralysed to make a decision and then follow it through.

If this is where you feel stuck, google self-efficacy and read up on that. The six pillars of self-esteem explains self-efficacy really well.

Good luck in 2020

Try picking your nose, scratching your arse, farting and belching when he makes a move on you.
Maybe he'll get the hint that way...