I'm in love with my baby's dad

[annielennoxstuckinmyhead]

Pretty much that.

We weren't together when I fell pregnant. Hadn't been seeing each other long at all. I decided to go ahead with the pregnancy.

It got a bit messy between us during the pregnancy. He buried his head massively and ran off.

Our son is now a month old, he got in contact after I told him he was born prematurely and pulled his head out the sand and begged me to let him be around for him and apologised for how he treated me over the last 9 months and broke down to me on the phone. Hearing him cry broke my heart.

We don't live in the same county, so he travelled up the other day to meet his son and he stayed. Nothing happened. He's been seeing someone.

Despite us being backwards and forwards arguing the toss during the pregnancy, we actually get on stupidly well. He even said it himself when he was here.

I've never met someone before where I've felt like I've known them for so much longer. We can talk about pointless shit, we laugh together. He's the first man I've met where I've never felt uncomfortable around.

I think I'm in love with him despite the shit and he has absolutely no idea.

I'm 28 years old and need to get a fucking grip. Can not believe I feel like this and I feel so stupid. Yet I feel so sad because I know that tonight he's going to see the girl he's been seeing. He did say the other night that he doesn't know how he feels about the situation with her anymore and is considering calling it off, but is going to see how things are when he sees her.

I know I'll never be able to tell him how I feel. I can't deal with anymore rejection. I've been hurt a lot in the past. So instead, I'll just be watching from afar as he falls in love with someone else and I'm just left with his baby.

I'm suffering a bit with PND at the moment which probably isn't helping me feeling overly emotional.

Someone give me a slap. Or a hug. I dunno.

Your emotions are all over the place because he's gone from treating you like scum, to treating you with respect, don't confuse it with love, and there is nothing wrong with having a good relationship with your baby's Father OP. However, please don't consider yourself as having been left with been just left with his baby ... your child is way more than that OP, way more. Time will get you through these very mixed emotions.

...or you could be watching from afar as he dumps her ass and comes back to you?

Hang in there for just a little bit longer and see what happens.

Congrats on your little bundle of joy!

Now he’s seen his child he may realise he wants you all to be together.

Good luck OP. Hugs.

You don't get on that well. He fucked off for the pregnancy, doesn't help with his child and is fucking another woman whilst stringing you along.

You're in love with the fantasy of being with your baby's lovely, caring father, not the toss pot he really is.

Claim child support and see how delightful and charming he still is.

However, please don't consider yourself as having been left with been just left with his baby ... your child is way more than that OP, way more.

I didn't mean for it to come across that way. 😔 I love my son more than anything.

You're in love with the fantasy of being with your baby's lovely, caring father, not the toss pot he really is.

I keep trying to tell myself this, my stupid emotions are getting the better of me.

Claim child support and see how delightful and charming he still is.

We've already sorted out child support agreement.

Harsh words from MN is what I need. I seem to have lost my ability to stay strong.

Just go with the flow and hard as it is try not to overthink things. If he wants to spend time with both of you and you want him to then let that happen . Take advantage of him being around and let him take the baby so you can have a break. Maybe he has genuinely realised what an absolute idiot he was before.

@pumpkinpie01 that's what I keep thinking but then I get scared because I can't deal with it if it's not the case and I know I'll get hurt.

My psychiatrist said to me recently I have an inability to maintain healthy relationships. I guess she's right. I realised recently that I've never had a man treat me in a nice manor. So I don't actually know what things should feel like and what standard to have.

I've just never been good enough for anyone to stick around.

Manor? Manner. Fucking hell my brain isn't working 😂😂😂

The PPs who cautioned you have a point, but as others have said

'I know I'll never be able to tell him how I feel.'

You might not be the first one to say anything.

'So instead, I'll just be watching from afar as he falls in love with someone else and I'm just left with his baby.'

He's already said that rather from falling in love with her, he's thinking of getting rid of her.

'I''m suffering a bit with PND at the moment which probably isn't helping me feeling overly emotional.'

Are you getting proper treatment for your PND?

Obviously what he did hurt you and he needs to prove himself, but I think your depression might be making you see things in too pessimistic a light.

Ultimately, we don't know yet, but I would suggest somehow both protecting yourself and seeing how it goes. xxx

A decent man would never have treated you that way throughout your pregnancy.

There's a much used saying on here - when someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

He's no good for you. Whether he's good for your child remains to be seen.

But toughen up here, and don't let him hurt you again

'My psychiatrist said to me recently I have an inability to maintain healthy relationships.'

I think that's a nasty and untrue thing to say. What a way to phrase something to a vulnerable person. I think I would ask to change consultants, as they didn't put that very supportively.

Besides, it's sort of 'victim blaming' in a way. A lot of us could probably benefit from therapy etc to be better at relationships, but at 28 you're too young for them to say you're unable, and your boyfriend leaving you wasn't your fault, he couldn't handle responsibility or something at the time. xx

@interestedwoman

I am under the mental health team currently due to my previous mental health episodes. I attempted to take my own life last year so being watched like a hawk which is good. I'm also medicated.

You're right in what you said about that psychiatrist. I've had issues with her for the last few months and she's actually been taken off my case due to my complaints. I'm yet to be allocated a new one but have been told I'll be re-assessed next month.

"My psychiatrist said to me recently I have an inability to maintain healthy relationships. I guess she's right."

That's an extremely negative suggestion from a mental health professional. Generally they would say, "We will try to work out why you have been in unhealthy relationships and how you can move on from there".

The good thing is that your baby's father has now stepped up and from what you say, he seems genuine about it.

Just wait and see how things pan out, there could be happy ending or disappointment but at the moment, just carry on being friendly.

Good luck and congratulations on your baby.

I was in that situation!!! Met a guy, got pregnant.... Biggest dick in the world when I was pregnant! We hated each other, that baby is now 4, we have a 2 year old and wer married! I still hate him sometimes though aha tell him!

I'm kinda relieved to see that others think my psychiatrist was out of line. That was just one thing out of many problems. I started to feel bad and guilty for complaining about her. But I think thats down to me not being able to ever trust my own judgement.

@yupimahelecopter

So it can happen 😂😂 I definitely cannot tell him. It's too soon. Taken this long for him to sort his shit out in the first place. Me confessing my love would send him right over the edge 🥴

Did your psychiatrist really tell you 'you have an inability to maintain a healthy relationship' in those exact words?? If so I'd bin her off right away- totally unprofessional and quite harming to someone who sounds like they're suffering low self esteem and PND-

You do not have an 'inabilty', that's a very dangerous word- if anything what you need is help to enable your sense of worth, thereby creating a pathway to maintain any relationship you choose.

Build yourself up a bit Op, be kind to yourself and enjoy your lovely new LO for a while- take your time to decide your way forward.

That's a very negative unprofessional statement from the psychiatrist. Hope you get appointed a new one soon. For now just concentrate on looking after yourself and your lovely baby and if anything happens between you two then just take it slow. The truth is we all take a risk when we start a relationship we can't ever guarantee we won't get hurt , no one can. The fact you get on well is brilliant, one step at a time .

@taddda she 100% did, I left that appointment questioning everything in tears.

The most amusing thing she did was write in my report that my dad would be around for emotional support post birth.

He's dead and has been for 5 years

You have to laugh or you'll cry...

Aha scare him into a man! Lol & maybe he's thinking the same lol my husband was honestly the most vile boy when I was pregnant.. Something just clicked one day and all worked out lol fingers crossed for you!

But my one tip is enjoy having your baby to yourself.. Its hard.. but me and my son have always had a bond like no other cause it was just us two at the beginning.. Sharing my daughter when she was born sucked. Lol

You might like to checkout these relationship YouTubers:

Derrick Jaxn
Matthew Hussey
Susan Winters
Michael Groves
Inner integration
Sarah Speaks

Take him off the pedestal and put yourself up there instead!

You have a beautiful baby and you will get stronger and stronger each day.You do not need someone messing you around.

Be gentle with yourself and love yourself more !💐🎄

@lexiepuppy yes I love Matthew Hussey!! Need to watch him again. I'm on to it! 😂🎄

Hey OP I hope you're well! Congratulations! I've had my first lo this year and suffered PND, you havent long given birth I'm sure your emotions are still like a rollercoaster! As long as you have a good relationship with the father and he is supportive that's all that matters at the moment. Try not to put too much energy/thought into what his next moves are with you/other girl you need to rally your troops round and take care of yourself first and fore most! Establish and good relationship with yourself and enjoy your son whilst he is still so small. Whatever is meant to be will be. I'm pleased you're getting help, best of luck xx

I dunno, carry on as you are an he'll always see you as the in the wings and waiting option.

Put your feelings out there and he rejects them. You know where you stand, hard and difficult that may be.

Put your feelings out there and he's pleased to have a clear signal and you make a go of it.

Just don't be a doormat here. Take a bit of control.

As an opposite view, I would say be cautious. When my baby was that young my hormones made me absolutely insane. If i had made significant life choices in the first few months they would have been a massive mistake.

Just look after yourself, be sure he's kind and will treat you well before you move forward with this.