I'm in love with my baby's dad

[annielennoxstuckinmyhead]

Pretty much that.

We weren't together when I fell pregnant. Hadn't been seeing each other long at all. I decided to go ahead with the pregnancy.

It got a bit messy between us during the pregnancy. He buried his head massively and ran off.

Our son is now a month old, he got in contact after I told him he was born prematurely and pulled his head out the sand and begged me to let him be around for him and apologised for how he treated me over the last 9 months and broke down to me on the phone. Hearing him cry broke my heart.

We don't live in the same county, so he travelled up the other day to meet his son and he stayed. Nothing happened. He's been seeing someone.

Despite us being backwards and forwards arguing the toss during the pregnancy, we actually get on stupidly well. He even said it himself when he was here.

I've never met someone before where I've felt like I've known them for so much longer. We can talk about pointless shit, we laugh together. He's the first man I've met where I've never felt uncomfortable around.

I think I'm in love with him despite the shit and he has absolutely no idea.

I'm 28 years old and need to get a fucking grip. Can not believe I feel like this and I feel so stupid. Yet I feel so sad because I know that tonight he's going to see the girl he's been seeing. He did say the other night that he doesn't know how he feels about the situation with her anymore and is considering calling it off, but is going to see how things are when he sees her.

I know I'll never be able to tell him how I feel. I can't deal with anymore rejection. I've been hurt a lot in the past. So instead, I'll just be watching from afar as he falls in love with someone else and I'm just left with his baby.

I'm suffering a bit with PND at the moment which probably isn't helping me feeling overly emotional.

Someone give me a slap. Or a hug. I dunno.

What a disgusting man he is. Who on earth would be so intentionally cruel to the mother of their child? I hope it gives you some closure so that you can draw a line under it and move on. In that respect he has given you a gift really because you have seen his true colours. And I would try not to take his words to heart too much, since it is almost certainly a lie. Of course he was attracted to you, but he doesn't want a relationship and that was the excuse he settled on.

Omg ! I'm sorry I was reading and don't have anything amazing to say but Jesus what a cruel bastard he is ! There is NO way he had to force himself to sleep with you , that's just being said to totally hurt and humiliate you. Please don't let him !! I am actually so glad you text him your feelings rather than it carry on and him coming to see you both again he doesn't deserve either of you xxx

I don't ever want another man near me again 😔

I've blocked him on everything and deleted his number. Although I have to remember I have a child with this man... maybe blocking him was wrong?

I just don't ever want to see him again.

He did not force himself to have sex with you, why would he? If you were so horrible he would have just not had sex.
That's one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard!
Leave him blocked he knows where you live, if he wants to go to a solicitor and sort access he can. You are not blocking that, just the possibility of further abusive nonsense on your phone.
Try your best to wait out the hormone storm in your body, concentrate on your children and yourself.
You have done brilliantly to get through a stressful pregnancy intact after your past trauma.
Try to remember that when the words said to you in spite and cruelty come into your head.

You are a survivor!

@Ihaveamind anything I felt has gone. He kept apologising for saying it like it would make it better for telling me the truth. I was sick after I read them. I just feel empty and numb today. I don't even feel angry.

He's apologising for insulting your intelligence coming out with nonsense like that and asking you to believe it!
That's what I mean about the hormone storm its not just creating false bonding feelings with your baby's father.
It brings every emotion to the surface for some women. My friend calls the year of her second child's birth the year of the tears.
Every feeling was quicker to come and more overwhelming. A woman who wouldn't cry at Bambi sobbing because a Tesco delivery man said her baby was cute!
Hang in there and hopefully you'll see him in a few months and feel nothing.
Focus on you and what will help you be happy in your life now

I would decide what method of communication that you want him to use to arrange contact or discuss your child, and unblock him on that.

Send him a message telling him that all communication from now on must be done via that medium, and only to arrange contact or to discuss your child.

Make sure contact from now on is not at your home.

His mum has my phone number and we've spoken over the phone a few times (although we haven't met yet). As far as I'm concerned, if he wants to know anything then he can go through her. I've had quite frank and honest conversations with her, I think she understands. She even told me that she'd heard horrible things about how he treats girls and none of that came from me. Silly me for thinking someone can change! I expect she will call me at some point.

So he found me on Snapchat and started messaging me.

He apologised for what he said, but he doesn't want to be in our sons life. I'm meeting him tomorrow so he can say goodbye. Told him it's the least he could do and to write him a letter so I can give it to him when he's older.

My heart is in pieces.

How were you to know he'd continue to be such a complete ass? After coming to see his son initially, it must have felt as though he wanted to be a part of your baby's life. Instead, he's another feckless man who wants to pretend he hasn't fathered a child. This happened to my mother right before I was born. He's had contact all through the years but things always feel so awkward. Your son's father will regret this some day, probably sooner rather than later.

Real men don't leave.

@beenwhereyouare it really did feel like that. Begging me to trust him when he said he wanted to be in his life, saying he'd come up every other weekend, wouldn't see us go without anything and we were a team.

Now this. I'm dreading today and I've hardly slept.

He's a misogynist and a sadist. He is doing this to hurt you because he enjoys hurting women. He enjoys it.

Cut him off. DO NOT MEET HIM. Part of you thinks that he'll change his mind - he won't. Cut this mother fucker off. Now. If he ever wants access, make him file with family court to get it otherwise he'll flit in and out of your child's life doing the same psychological damage to the child that he's done to you. He won't bother filing.

I would cut his mother off too. I sense that trouble lies that way also.

Oh and it isn't love you feel, it's Stockholm Syndrome. Google it.

Oh love I have been (almost) where you are.
I can tell you it's better if he buggers off now rather than later for you and your child's sake.
I am nine years down the line from this shitty situation now and with someone who is lovely. Be strong and move on the best you can. My biggest regret is wasting time in my son's first year trying to make his dad interested in visiting him.

@PicsInRed I'd heard of the term misogynist but never actually knew what it meant until I just looked it up. You're right, he fits that category completely. I know now that it isn't love that I feel, it's just been an emotional ten months and having his child made me feel things.

@HRH2020 I'm sorry you've been through it too and am glad to hear things worked out for you in the end.

I don't think I can be in a relationship for a long time. I don't know how to trust people anymore.

I am going to meet him today, even though I know it sounds like a bad idea. But I don't think he should just be able to disappear. There is a child involved, his child. And he has to face up to those consequences, so yes... he can bloody well face him and say goodbye to his son.

At least I can tell my son when he's older that I tried everything I could. My conscience will be clear, even if I don't feel it at this moment in time. I just hope it gives me some sort of closure by doing it.