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Original poster

The secrets in the bedroom across the stairs

54 replies

TheCWord · 17/12/2019 18:35

Partner been sleeping in another room for 6 months now - we had a minor grouch and to be honest I like my space. He says he doesn't want to disturb me.. But when I logged on to his iPad and then onto Chrome, I can see he watches open most nights. I have hinted that I can guess what he is doing but he says he's watching YouTube. I feel sick. It doesn't make me feel attractive and I'm not that bad! I ask him to come upstairs but he doesn't. He smokes cannabis every night which I tell him I hate, so I don't even kiss him goodnight. Its my house, I can't leave, but I can't just boot him out either, I'm not unkind. But, what can I do?? I suppose I could turn the Internet off at night?
Any thoughts kind mums?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheCWord · 17/12/2019 18:36

Watches porn not open Hmm

OP posts:
SimonJT · 17/12/2019 18:38

Does he own the house/name on the rental contract? If not chuck him out, it isn’t cruel and even if it was it would be his own fault as he’s the only one responsible for his behaviour.

JeSuisPrest · 17/12/2019 18:40

Just tell him this relationship isn't working for you anymore and give him some time to find somewhere else if you're feeling generous 🤷‍♀️

Cohle · 17/12/2019 18:41

Actually tell him how you feel rather than just hinting about it.

ElloBrian · 17/12/2019 18:42

Turning the internet off at night is what you do for a kid. Not a grown man. Give him the boot if he’s not doing it for you, ffs.

AhoyMrBeaver · 17/12/2019 18:49

He doesn't seem to be much of a partner in any sense. He's a lodger really, so it wouldn't be cruel to give him notice and send him on his merry way.

mummmy2017 · 17/12/2019 18:52

You do know you can ban his tablet on the home hub. Then pretend you know nothing.

user1481840227 · 17/12/2019 19:26

Are you attracted to him and do you actually want to sleep with him?

Elmer83 · 17/12/2019 19:29

Find the courage to kick him out. You’re living like housemates and he’s already lying to you cx

christmasbow · 17/12/2019 19:42

You can totally chuck him out OP. Can you give a reason why you can't? Are you afraid to? You should have a plan in place to get rid. Maybe give him a week to find somewhere else while you're busy booking the locksmiths to change locks etc. If he's not gone all stuff out the front.
Awful behaviour op you deserve better.

hamstersarse · 17/12/2019 19:44

Come on OP...

Find a way to speak the truth

You have nothing to lose. Literally.

BrendasUmbrella · 17/12/2019 19:46

What do you mean you're not unkind? You're going to let him stay in your house forever even if you don't have a relationship anymore? You're not his mother...

Windmillwhirl · 17/12/2019 19:47

This isn't a happy relationship. What's keeping you in it?

Gemma1971 · 17/12/2019 19:48

So he prefers porn to sex with you? Or is this after you have sex?

Or does the cannabis use put you off him?

I would never, ever ever ever ever in a million years be with a smoker again. Although cannabis did not bother me too much, the expense, the wasted money, the insistence on having to have it, it seemingly being a priority over many, many much more important and essential aspects of life drove me round the flaming bend.

It doesn't sound like much fun, it sounds like you are very incompatible. What is good about this person?

Original poster
TheCWord · 17/12/2019 20:54

He doesn't seem to want to have sex with me. He smokes every night but only a couple of puffs. He seems to annoy me by just being here in my house. We had a horrible time this year when I found out he was seeing his ex still. I want to repair the relationship but am struggling.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheCWord · 17/12/2019 20:55

Although he hasn't seen her for a couple of months, I want to catch him going round there then I have an excuse to bin him

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 17/12/2019 20:58

What s the point in trying to maintain a relationship with him? It sounds utterly shit.

QueSera · 17/12/2019 20:59

You don't need any more reasons OP - just tell him it's not working and he needs to leave.

Northernsoullover · 17/12/2019 20:59

Why on earth do you want to repair the relationship? He sounds awful.

myrtlehuckingfuge · 17/12/2019 21:00

This man does nothing for you and it does seem that you aren't worth much to him. Your last post sealed it for me, he was seeing his ex earlier this year. Come on Lady, pick yourself up, kick him out and start to love yourself. You deserve better.

user1481840227 · 17/12/2019 21:03

But are you attracted to him and do you want to have sex with him? Do you want to be with him?
You're not saying much about that.

SouthernComforts · 17/12/2019 21:06

So you have an unpleasant lodger basically. He's been seeing his ex. You don't have a sex life. LTB.

Bluerussian · 17/12/2019 21:08

I don't think you need any more excuses to bin the guy. He sounds useless and neither of you are happy.

You don't have to be unkind, tell him you want him to leave and even help him look for somewhere suitable on Rightmove - but be sure you don't let him hang around too long. While he is still in your house, go out quite a lot and have friends round. If he has parents not too far away he could probably bunk down there until he finds a place, that would be the best thing.

Original poster
TheCWord · 17/12/2019 21:16

No not happy. But he is not a bad man. Just damaged. He has had a shit life

OP posts:
nespressowoo · 17/12/2019 21:16

You're not responsible for him. Get rid of him.

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