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Original poster

Help :( Caught OH texting escorts!

51 replies

Glalas7 · 15/12/2019 17:37

I feel like this is the only place I can actually talk about this.
I've been with my partner for 10 years and this year he proposed. For the past two years I have been dealing with my mum passing away (she was really young and unexpected) and then my grandmother this year. So it's been tough.

He left his smart watch in the living room and something in my gut told me to look at the messages. That's where I saw 3 messages to 3 different escorts last friday when he was out drunk at his works night out. From what I can see from the messages he didn't do anything as the escort said he was too late (he was going bank to bank to get money as per the messages). He then came home and was all over me, which is also unusual because he very rarely can get going when hes been drinking.

I'm utterly heartbroken and feel totally betrayed. Weve been planning the wedding and have just paid to go through ivf next month .

When I approached him he was apologetic but then got defensive that he never done anything and it was just texts...even though he went and got money and wouldve clearly went to sleep with her if he got the money in time.

What the hell do I do? He said I'm throwing away the years and our family for something he cant remember doing because he was so drunk. All I've ever wanted was a family with him and to be married....but I feel like my trust is completely gone as I just never expected him to do this to me :( x

OP posts:

WhoDisNow · 15/12/2019 17:39

End it. You’re not throwing anything away. He did that.

Would he be ok with you sleeping with another man on a night out? Definitely not.

Wonkydonkey44 · 15/12/2019 17:40

He’s a twat ! The intent was there and if he could if he would have done it . I’m sorry op

Mamia15 · 15/12/2019 17:40

Sorry but its a case of LTB - he's not even being honest.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/12/2019 17:43

He said I'm throwing away the years and our family for something he cant remember doing because he was so drunk

He threw it away when he did what he did.
He isn't accepting his mistakes.
He is blaming you.
Has he even suggested becoming teetotal if drink is the cause of this?

Aquamarine1029 · 15/12/2019 17:43

Don't be foolish enough to marry him. Don't be foolish enough to have his child. Kick his cheating are to the kerb. I would bet a million dollars he has used escorts before.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 15/12/2019 17:43

You aren't throwing anything away, he threw it away when he went looking for a shag.
Get out before you get in any deeper.
I'm sorry this has happened to you, but it is a blessing that you've found out who he is.

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 15/12/2019 17:43

This wont be the first time this is just the first time he was caught the bloke even went and was going to go and the money it wasnt even one escort but three he is a player and must likely been at it for years without you're knowledge op. Dont be a mug and marry him another thread why someone just caught her husband messaging an escort you can walk away without kids and a divorce op.

knewyouwerewaiting · 15/12/2019 17:43

He was so drunk he was capable of finding the numbers of 3 different escorts and getting money out from the bank to carry out his intention. Sounds like a regular to me sorry.

bottlenose301 · 15/12/2019 17:44

I'd end it over this too. The intent was there and it only didn't happen because he was too late. Probably not the first time either.

PlasticPatty · 15/12/2019 17:45

End it. Some money might be lost but a life-time of misery can be avoided.

RLEOM · 15/12/2019 17:47

He's probably used them before, sorry.

If you feel your biological clock is ticking, use him as a sperm donor and then leave, but don't marry him.

Original poster

Glalas7 · 15/12/2019 17:48

I really really thought I knew him and didn't think he would ever do something like this....I honestly didn't think he had the guts if I'm honest. He said that even if he did go, he doesn't think he would've been able to do it. I just feel so alone in this because I'm still trying to protect him and can't speak to my family yeno :( Thank you for your posts ❤

OP posts:

TheHootiestChristmasOwl · 15/12/2019 17:51

How dare he, the only one that’s thrown anything away is him.

he doesn't think he would've been able to do it.

Oh well that’s ok then! Happy days. What an idiot.

user1481840227 · 15/12/2019 17:51

You're not throwing it away, what you had before or the potential that your relationship had is now gone because of what he's done.

All he can offer you now is a relationship where you won't trust him, you'll feel insecure, paranoid and it will wreck your self esteem.
He threw it away, not you.

Arnoldthecat · 15/12/2019 17:52

Another vote for EJECT

SnowyUnicorns · 15/12/2019 18:00

At least you have found out that he is a lying, cheating arsehole before starting ivf and marrying him. This makes it easier for you to leave and move on.

Even if he couldn't have performed had he gone to meet her, he had the intention to sleep with another woman because he had withdrawn the money to pay her. This for me would be enough to leave.

If he can't normally perform when he has been out, he has either a habit of using escorts after a night out with the boys without you or he used a drug like cocaine which I believe makes you feel more horny.

Sorry OP, I think you know what you need to do

SausageSimon · 15/12/2019 18:05

I'd bet my life he's done it before OP, he is not a first timer based on those messages

Chronicallymothering · 15/12/2019 18:13

Run whilst you're still single and child free: there's someone out there who's infinitely a better match than a guy who only didn't cheat by user a prosititute (potentially exposing you and a potential unborn baby to STDs) because he couldn't get the money in time. 3 of them is quite a lot of determination.... run for the hills.

Clymene · 15/12/2019 18:17

This isn't the first time, it's just the first time you've caught him. And you've obviously had an idea before or you wouldn't have looked at his watch.

It's over. You can't marry a man who uses prostitutes. Men who use prostitutes don't think women are equal human beings and you're better than that.

LatentPhase · 15/12/2019 18:19

So by his logic if drink is the issue he is now pledging to go teetotal - no? No?

No wait. The problem isn’t that. It’s him using escorts!

Don’t make the mistake of thinking it was the drink. He was capable, it seems, of going to a number of banks and sending multiple messages and making arrangements.

I realise your future is being re-written by thank goodness children aren’t yet involved in this wreckage of a relationship. He’s a fake and it’s good you found out now.

Gather your RL friends - YOU are the one who needs protecting.. and kick get him gone!!

XmasRibbons · 15/12/2019 18:20

If he can't remember, why does he not think he'd be able to go through with it?

I'd say leave, you're lucky that you've seen this behaviour before you're married or pregnant. Getting the money out shows he thought he could go through with it, he was willing to pay for it when he could have come home to his fiance!
Sounds like a total wanker.

Span1elsRock · 15/12/2019 18:21

Dump and get an STI check immediately.

Tooner · 15/12/2019 18:21

Did you ask him why he felt the need to use an escort?
It's disgusting that he was all over you when he got home.

I would cut my losses now, don't waste any more time on the lowlife bastard!

StayClassySally · 15/12/2019 18:23

If he usually struggles to have sex after drinking, could it be that actually he has used escorts before and his desire is gone by the time he gets home?

I'm so sorry. Leave him and don't look back. He has ruined this not you. I'm sure every time he goes out you'll be wondering if he's used them again.

Longblondeandblueeyes · 15/12/2019 18:29

There's no coming back from this. If he's happy to cheat on you with prostitutes now, how do you think he will behave when you have a small baby and haven't had sex for 6 weeks, or longer? Seriously, he will be shagging other women and you'll be stuck at home raising the baby alone, and driving yourself insane wondering where he is and what he's doing. Also, if you chose to forgive this now, it gives him a green light to do it again.

This is aside from what he is lacking in morals....he must know that some of these women are trafficked and controlled by pimps.

Would he be okay with you hiring a male escort for sex?

Would he be okay with you having a one night stand?

Would he be okay with his Dad doing this behind his Mum's back?

Would he be okay with his daughter becoming a Prostitute?

If not, why not?

This won't be the first time. I would imagine it is a huge step to contact a sex worker, I highly doubt a novice would contact 3 at the same time.

Being drunk is no excuse either? If it was, then he'd be fine with you shagging other men, so long as you'd demolished a bottle of chardonnay first....wouldn't he?

Do not marry him or have his kids. You'd be in for a lifetime of misery.

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