Unsupportive boyfriend

[Beanie1996]

Hi all im needing some advise. So sorry if this is along one
So it all started when i was having signs of endometriosis. I couldn't have sex as i bled and it was painfull my bf would get snappy with me and tell me to get it sorted.
Fast forward lots of test the doctors decided i should have surgery problem was that it was the same day as his works christmas night out. I rang him told him they've yet again changed the date its this Monday. He then shouts fuck down the phone very aggressive and says that my night out. I was like you prick i find out im having surgury in 4 days and your more worried about your night out rather then asking me how i feel about this sudden knews.
Anyway i tell him to go to his night out aslong as hes there to take me to the hospital and bring me home im fine with him going
My family live in england and i moved to study and be with my bf who is in Scotland.
So my mum said shes come up and look after me.
Skip to the day of the surgery. All goes well they dont find anything but im obs in pain.
He stays for a few hours then leaves to go his night out. We spoke and agreed that hes not to be home too late 2am.
Now reason for the cerfew was this
My mum is staying in the building i live in in a seperate room. As i have to take it easy and rest she said she would wait up and let my bf in. Its a fob system these controll the doors as well as the kitchens. We couldnt give him a my fob as we needed it.
So it gets to 2 am and hes not home or texted. I ring him and hes like dont worry im just having a good time ill be back soon and im like well you really need to make your way back now. Hes not listening telling me not to worry hes completely legless.
So my mum phones him and she like you need to either leave there now or make your way back to your own home. Hes not listening to her and is adamant hes coming to me.
My mums getting very pissed she was up the night before with me being anxious cause of my op and now shes waiting up to let him in. He showing no respect for her or me.
Hes like someone will let me in there security. Security only run on friday to sunday not monday to friday. Any way he ends up at my place at 4am
My mum is pissed she thought be would atleast want to be back a but early as ive just had an operation and im in mega pain.
She ends up rowing with him asking him if he has any remorse. He has non he doesnt see what the problem is and try to make my mum feel guilty by being like i wouldnt of gone if you'd told me i shouldnt.
Any way my mum says im going to my room. I end up rowing saying you really think this is acceptable behaviour. Hes like she could of gone sleep and then i would of rang she let me inthen she go back to bed. Im like you serious thats not how you treat my mother who has been by my side all night whilst you've been getting bladder. Not once did u text to ask how i was doing
So skip to next day. I ask if he remembers last night, hes like yeah your mum had a go at me. Im like are you fricking kidding me right now. Hes still doesn't see what he did wrong and said he was having fun with his mates. Hes then playing the woe is me card complaing hes sick and saying he drank to much last night. That everyone bought him drinks and he didnt say no.
So we ring his mum tell her the situation and guess what she took her his side. My bf can do no wrong in her eyes. She babys him.
She also then goes to attack me by saying if you want to nick pick i could complain about how i do nothing round the house.
Ok ill explain this situation
So i see my bf at the weekend friday and saturday he has 2 jobs. One is a machanic and one is a delivery driver. So only way to see him is if i stay at his house on the Friday and Saturday. Due to me being a student im loan of cash and cant afford the money his mother ask for the 2 days i am there.
I also suffer from anxiety which i have been diagnosed with and adhd. I tend to stay up waiting on him till he comes home then sleep in with him the next day. She never complains about him sleeping in only me.
Im always thank full for her making me dinner. I do the dishes after and clean the kitchen. I bring my washing to the house as my accommodation has to pay for the use of the machines. I dont just do my own i will do hers, her husbands and my bfs.
This also includes me hanging it to dry and folding it placing it in there rooms etc.
I keep my bfs room clean i dont leave any thing lying around.
She however expects more from me as payment for them letting me stay.
Im to get up early even if ive been up waiting on my bf. Clean any mess theyve made. For example they go out on most Saturdays so the kitchen will be full of there mess ie there bowls there pans there cups crumbs on the counter. Im to clean up for when they get back. The living room has to be tided cushion put right any thing theyve left lieing around put it away. Im to hoover the living room there room the hall. The back room the landing and my bfs room.
So back to the phone call his mums like well if you want to nick pick will talk about how she doesnt do anything and sleeps in till 12pm
Like i mentioned above i do alot but i wont be a maid.
Im a student and my course is very hands on. I work in theatre and i do lights sounds etc for real shows. So its like having a job. I spoke to my doctor about why i sleep so much and he explained that with my adhd i need to take more breaks and rest as my brain is working over time to complete everyday tasks as well as my more complex tasks at college.
I also dont think its my job to tidy my bfs room. Hes a 24 im sure he can hoover and dust himself. Im there 2 days any mess i will clean that i have made. His mum once came in and i was doing college work. She has a go at me cause last week she had to clean his room and the work surfaces were all black from dust. She gave me a rag and cleaner and said i dont want it like that again she said she doesnt want to hoover his room again and ask me to do it. I explain i was working on college work and shes looks at me and ask what college work the way she was questioning me was like she thought i was lying. I have asked my bf to come to mine but he complains the 20 minutes to get to me after work will cost too much fule
His family are all the same
I once confinded in his sister about my mental health and she said she thought i was attention seeking i also told her about how my bf was using babe station and her replys is no wonder a relationship should be fun and im putting too much pressure on him to take care of my mental health.
I thought a relationship is about taking care.of each other. My mum has sat him down loads of time and said i need more help than normal women due to my disability and if he feels its too much then noone would blame him if he left.it takes time and strength to help me.
I dont ask alot. I need constant reassurance that im pretty/good enough. You sometimes need to sit and listen to me about the same issue time and time again as its stuck in my brain. I hate going to shops that are a 10 minute walk as i struggle to carry it back. I get easily distacted and when shopping can spend 40 minutes doing it as im indecisive.
He has no patients with me my mum said shes starting to see what i was complaing about. He gets snappy with me very easily over the tiniest things.
When we was coming back from the hospital we had to make a detore down a country lane and after surgury the bumps can hurt so you need to take it slow. He was going 60mph and the road had those sharp mini hills. And i asked him to slow down to 30. He told me i was over reacting and carried on with his speed. I also couldn't wear a searbelt due to the wounds. And he was shouting saying i have to wear it even tho the nurse told me not to. He then says his car will beep. As its modern with the seatbelt sensors. He then continues to shout saying im gonna sort it if u fu* let me. He clipped it in behind me.
He could of nicely said he has an idea and what it is ive just had surgury and im in pain scared. Any way he still hasn't apologised to my mum. He wont say anthing to his mum to put things right.
Non of his family will see our side or try to understand my disability.
His mum also said on the phone she feels like hes my carer and that she knows what she'd do if she was him.
Ive been with him for 7 years. Moved away from my family to be with him.
I just dont know what to do anymore
And why he wont apologise and how he cant see what hes done wrong and how his family have treated me.

What do you do? You leave him and feel a great sense of relief and move forward on with having a lovely life nowhere near him.

I know its harder when you're in it - but trust me it is very very clear from the outside. Just leave.

Why are you with the guy? Him and his family sound revolting piss takers

LTB.

You know what to do really here and that is to leave him. He and his family are toxic, abusive people.

Move back to your family, being with this man at all now is a mistake and such men do not change. His family are all rotten to the core too. You need to completely reassess what you have learnt about relationships to date and unlearn all the crap through counselling.

He’s a prick Op, leave him!

It doesn't sound like he even cares about you
Dump him

No brainer OP.
The fact you have to ask is a bit worrying.
Dump his sorry arse and move on with your life.
Value yourself more than this!

Your boyfriend,sounds like a total nightmare asshole,and so do his family, so, why are you staying with him at all..It sounds like a Road to Nowhere relationship.

I hope you are feeling better now, but from now on,just concentrate on yourself,and get free from this hassle and upset.

Thank you i just wanted to make sure i wasnt crazy. Ive been with him since i was 15 and i think.a part of me was hoping hed change. I think i also needed outsiders to tell me im not crazy and his family just arnt normal and to move on. Its gonna be really hard but i think ive fallen out of love any way

Ahhh. I think you need to do the Freedom Programme before you date again so you can reset your ideas of what is normal in a healthy relationship. Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

LTB - I hope you feel better and get over your op soon. However, I think you might have a speedier road to recovery without this absolute douche in your life

He sounds horrible and so do his family. I can't imagine why you are with him, or why you moved from your own family. He doesn't care about you.
Cut your losses and go back to your family.

You guys are right. Im heading back with my mum. To rest. Ive called it quits
I am worried how they didnt find anything but they are going to try me on meds for ibs as that can cause my systems and they fitted a coil in me.
I removed my plaster today and nearly fainted cause of the sight of the wound but managed to clean it with my mums help and patience

Well done for dumping this loser and his toxic family. Stay with your mum until you are fully recovered. Concentrate on your college course and getting a good career underway with the qualifications you will get. Forget about your ex, you owe him nothing, just because you've been together since your teens doesn't mean you have to stay and try and make the relationship work. He sounds utterly repulsive.

Stay strong and cut all ties, move on with your life.

As to him caring for you- it's you that was doing all that housework etc! The whole family sound like a bunch of wankers.

I also have ADHD and anxiety, and the last think you need is people who constantly criticise you.

Wishing you a more relaxing future- hugs xxxxx

Thank you so much this means alot. Im staying for 3 weeks then coming back for the start of term. Im then moving back down to my family to decide were i should start my career.
Im having to change my whole routine as i was so dependent on him. Id speak to him for hours tell him things i wouldnt tell anyone. Id fall asleep on the phone with him.
He does seem some what remorsfull but then hell say things like i needes to let of steam. Time ran away with me. I thought your mum would just let me in. I didnt appreciate how your mum spoke to me.
Thinga like that. When your gf just had an op and your on a night out even if u want to let off steam u can but you constantly are texting calling her making sure she ok. And you come home early. Hes been babied by his mother. Shes making him think hes done no wrong. His sisters take his side as there only get the tail end of it there not being told the full story. If his sisters husbands did this to them then his mum would go of her nut. The fact his sisters have been taught that they have to deal with there own shit that when there mental health is bad that there to get on with it. And that there partners arnt there to be there carers. I was taught that if your having mental health issues your partner should surrport even if it meana then taking in your part of the relationship. And constantly reasuring you.
If we was ever to give it another go he have to move out. And understand that the relationship is between us and not his family. He can go family events etc but i wont be there. He can go sunday lunch see his mum im fine with him having a relationship with them there his family. There problem is with me not him. But he has to understand. I cant be around toxic people. And i honestly feel if he wasnt around them hed be a complete different person. Hes being pulled and theres no need for it. His dad treats his mum like shit and she lets him. Thats how i can understand why he is like this. Hes been shown its acceptable behaviour.
His mum makes there lunches. Breakfast dinner. Does all the washing his ironing. She does everything and the husband does nothing. But yet she expects cos he working that i should tidy his room. She doesnt understand how full on my college is she things i do nothing. Just assessments. She never ask what i do. Just cos im at college doesnt mean and sit and do nothing most corses now a days are full on and intense. In my course your free labour as it gives us experience we do jobs for me in theatres and also do assessments on it. Im sorry rant over
Hes coming to give me anything left at his i feel he still feels he has a chance. This will make him realise i mean buisness.

Do not give him a second chance. He's vile, he's not going to change, his family don't like you and will treat you even wore if you did go back to him. Leave him once and for all.

Don't even think about taking him back if he moves out of his mother's home/doesn't expect you to visit his family/attempts to be a supportive and loving partner.

He's a grade A twat, remember that. You haven't had a decent boyfriend in your life if you've been enmeshed with him since your teens. Cut him loose forever and his horrible family.

There will be someone in your future who will treasure you and cherish you. Don't ever accept second best again.

Hi guys he came over and gave me my stuff as i requested. He seems really remorsalful but at moment its words.. am finding it hard tho. I feel ive lost my other half as he was a good guy untill his family started cutting deeper and deeper. .he said hes looking for a place. And then maybe he could take me out for coffee and start dating. I told him i cant go back to the way it was just cause he has a place theres gonna be compramises. And he understands that. Like i mentioned he can still be an active role in his family but its gonna have to be like i dont exist to them. Thats the only way will be happy is if there not apart of our relationship. Its between us not the whole family. How i live my life. How i do everyday chorse etc is my decsion. I shouldnt be forced to change just cause they dont find it normal. I think he'll also be able to find himself and learn to be his own person rather then everyone dictating how he lives his life. The biggest issue we may face is the key thing i dont feel comfortable his mum having a key. Or any one else. Its his flat but i dont want any one turning up out of the blue when im there causing problems or trying to baby him. Ive told him he can go have dinner everyday of the week if he likes but from friday to Sunday that our time. His sister has once came into his/his parents house when they was away. I was sleeping and she comes up the stairs and tells me to get out of bed opens the blinds and everything. I look at the time its only like 20 to 9. She obs came to see if id kept the place clean and of cause i had. I get everyone saying hes a dick etc but there has been times hes suck up for me and the family just attacked full force. We cant win. Its always my fault.
I was staying for 2 weeks last summer as his sister was getting married. And id just moved out of my old place ready to move into my other place im in now. They complain of my stuff all i had was a suitcase 2 bin bags and some other things ill try find a picture anyway it was causing problems i didnt see how tho. Anyway so fast forward. His mums cousins had come for the wedding and me and my bf had to give up his room and sleep in the what they call the back room. Its basicly a room they have the computure in and loads of other shit they dont know were to put. Ill also mention they have a motor home but no my bf had no choice. It was a your sleeping in the back room. Now the back room had no bed. They didn't even get a proper sofa bed or anything for us to sleep on. They got a cheap leather couch thing that folds into. And it was tiny we barly fit on it and it was extremely uncomfortable there was no cushion to it. It was rock hard.
Any way we dealt with it but we had to give our bedding up aswell. We was given some but they smelled odd to me as theyd be lieing in the motor home for months and had that musty smell. I felt bad for asking for another set and said it was nothing to do with them just that it had that musty smell when somthing be away for a long length of time. That cause world for 2. Wasnt as bad as world war 3 which will get to shorty. Anyway they changed it. So fast forward to the day before the wedding. To earn extra cash i joined my friends business. I made candles using special blended oils etc. And i had forgot to do that batch for month and shed already promised people. I had done the candles at his before and they said they were fine me doing them. So i presumed i could do it with out asking. Only if it was a good time ie after breakfast etc when there was nothing going on. So this is the day before the wedding and it was about 2 oclock. There was no plans untill way into the evening about 7 when everyone but the groom to be came to the house. So im in the kitchen i first lay out all 12 tiny candle tins glue the wicks on and only lay out what i need. I made sure that i only used a tiny space of the kitchen table and that everything was on a tray so it wouldnt cause any bother. I always used my own pan. I add the wax to the pan and i know it melts fast any way so knew id be there only for about 5 minutes. His dad wants a bacon sandwich so his mum starts to do that and im like sorry can i quickly do this ill be five minutes. Yes itsa normal hob with 4 gas things and i tried to stand away. Any way. I bring it off the hob once his melted. And i transfer it to the tins. His dad then comes into the kitchen to get his sandwich and takes a look at my section of the table that ive taken and goes whats this and i explain. He says dont you think you should of asked first i having anxiety freeze. Hes like its the day before the wedding theres people coming over. Your making a mess. My bf comes in to see whats going on and his stand up for me says its hours before anyone comes and its only candles. Shes taking up a tiny space its not like shes using the whole kitchen. His dads having non of it. By the time this 10 minute row had finished id done the candles. I took them up stairs cleaned my pan and left tye kitchen the same way it was before there was no evidence id been there.
My boyfriend had a word with his mum as i was sobbing up stairs. He doenst get threw to her. So he says come on will go out lets meet up with ill call them donna and marty. Our amazing friends. Ive know marty since i was a baby his dad is best friends with my dad and we greww up together. When we moved martin grew up and met my bf and become best friends that how me and my bf met threw marty. And donna has become a very good friend to me as well anyway. So i head to the car. By this time his sister the one whos getting married will call her eve and his other sisters lacey are over. My bf comes storming to the car. Im like whats wrong. Hed just had a massive row with his dad. Theyd heard the door and thought wed both already left. But i left first and my bf was getting his jacket. Hed apprently over heard his mum dad eva and lacey all gossiping about me. And how id been making candles. Making a right mess. And mentioning other this basically bullshitting about me. My bf comes into the kitchen and his dads like i thought youd left. My bf replys no even if i had doesnt give you the right to talk shit. Hearing this i feel sick. I have no were to go. Stephen goes to meet donna and marty and tells them the situation. He looses and says he doesn't want to be around them. I try to calm him down and tell him you need to try its your sisters wedding tomororw. You need to both try to keep peace for one day. Martys dad says he can stay in the spare room. Till he find a place. Any way a couple of hrs pass. And my bf gets a phone call its his other sister liz. His sisters are all older btw as he was born 10 years apart from them. So liz calls and is having a massive go saying he needs to come home and sort it out. And that the back room is a mess and it needs sorting. ( his sister eva was staying the night before her wedding and we was yet again getting kicked out of that room and into the motor home)
We knew this but it was only about 6 oclock i think and the night hadnt even properly started. Noone was going ti bed till 10 any way and we knew that it would only take us 10 minutes to move my stuff into the motor home. And like i mentioned i hardly had anything. Before we left we made the bed and moved everything neatly so i dont get how it was messy. Any way we go back to the house with our friends. We get there and shit has hit the fan. Evas crying saying its the eve of my wedding. His sister lizzy is up stairs in the back room a mess she read face hair all over the place and is moving my stuff about. I remember i left some stuff out. I cant remeber what stuff but it wasnt alot. Any ways she shoving it into bin bags. I thinking what the fuck. I hate when others touch my things. My bfs like what you doing. And shes like its the eve of your sisters wedding. And hes like its blown out of proportion. Susans done nothing wrong. Stop touching her stuff. Lizzys like its a mess and hes like we was coming back to clean it after the cinema. Its not like she needs it right this instance. Im standing there. And im like can i get my stuff please i feel really uncomfortable you touching it. Then shes like susan just leave us will you. Can you not see what youve cause. His mum comes out the bathroom and shes says somthing but i cant remeber what but it wasnt nice. Any way i hear him say im leaving and there more arguments. Then he comes out and says ill get your stuff just go sit in the car with marty and Donna. I being the bigger person as his sister eva comes up and is like its the eve of my wedding and i apologise and saying i didnt know making candles would cause this. And that her brother will be there tomorrow. I said ive told him he needs to tell there dad that tommorow they have to act normal then after they can sit and chat. Theres no point having it out now and its just causing tension. She says ok you promise and im like yeah of course. Its your wedding. Were adults im sure they can both act adult enough for one day to make you happy. I said i think its just all built up and its bad timing. Any way so i get to the car. And donna and marty are being the lovely friends they are. There both in agreement that its out of order and the whole family are crazy. Stephen comes back and says my mum wants a chat with me ill b right back.
He comes back and say they want a word.
They start on me saying that they are letting me stay here rent free. That i get my meals and washing done. ( i do my washing but away)
That i stay in bed till 2 in the afternoon. I dont help around the house. That i may get away with it at my perents but not here. Im crying n i just nod my head i cant win. His mum hugs me but i feel no love for them. I feel defeated. They say if you just do what we say then Stephen doenst have to leave and you can stay. Any way it was my bfs choice. He decided to stay. So fast forward end of night we take the stuff from the car put it in the motor home. And get to bed.
You know all about the other stuff that happend since then. And now we are in the present.
I think i just needed the balls to say ive had enough.
I dont blame my bf for how he is. Hes working 2 jobs and he constantly has to have the same convo with his mum. Shes constantly at him about me and and im like defend me. Its all got to much. He went out and needed to let off steam. I would of id been threw all that. He apologised. He said he fucked up that he got far to drunk. He said he was thinking about me and i said maybe too you but in honesty you want thinking off me. You didnt text me asking how i was every hour like i would. You didnt get to 1 and think i better get back shell need me tonight. You didnt say im sorry i know you want me to stay but susans just had an op and her mums been there all day and most of the night. I should take over. I said you could of said that youll meet them next week if they like. But no you got bladderd and only thought of yourself
The realization had hit him. He look at me and i could tell. He knew i was right. And he knew hed fucked up big time. He knew he was loosing me. I had packed everything hed given me and i told him ti take it. He said just keep it or sell it. I said ok and thanked him for bringing my things. And that if hes serious abiut getting his own place i need evidence. He said he didn't want me breathing down his neck and i say hold on. What i mean is when you eventually in a couple of months of searching and decided what you want. Your going to go to a morgage adviser right and hes like yeah. I said all i ask is you send me a screen shot of the meeting time and date or somthing like that as evidence. Of course i dont expect it to be done by january its Christmas and it takes time. He then said oh ok. I said see you get so offensive you dont think. You jump. You need to learn to control your emotions. I said i cant guarantee tho that even if you get a place it will all work out. Theres gonna be compramises and it gonna be a slow process. And i cant gaurentee i wont after these months apart ill still love u. That ive decided i want to be on my own. That i dont want to try that ive given my all. And that i have any thing left. I said at moment i still have somthing for you. But im battling with the love of two people its like theres 2 of you but the bad version has took hold of you and if i stay im gonna run away and never come back. I said i wish i could go lion king with you i know how much u spent on then and how you generally got them to make me happy. But your perents are going aswell and theyd be sitting right next to us. If it was us too then maybe id go. Then you could of spent Christmas with my family like we planned. But once we get back then what you have your weekend job and other job and you csnt come over after your weeknd job you said you cant go back and forth which is fair enough.
As im 20 minutes away from him. And he has funny hours. His finishes at 4am then hed come to me asleep till 2 as he need a good nights rest on a Saturday as his works his normal job on the friday. And he finsished that job at 7.30pm and starts he other at 9.30pm. So hed wake up saturday at 2pm and then start his Saturday shift at 5.30 but hed have to leave mine at 4 to get ready and be there on time. Which give us no time to do anything then hed have to drive back at 4am to spend Sunday with me but if he has it day shift that week its 6am till 2pm so hed have to leave mine at 8.30 on Sunday. In his back shift he starts at 2pm and finishes at 10pm but i have college on the monday so hes stay on Sunday night but hed have to get up early take me to my work placement which is 3o minues from my place then drive 50 minutes back to get to his. And he cant stay at mine and rest on the monday as i mentionee the fob he can get out the building but he cant get in the kitchen and he cant lock my door when he leaves as i cant cut the key as its protected and you cant copy it.

I was gonna get a job but then i realised that my course was getting really full on. I was gonna work as an instore at his but they said i wouldnt beable to have Christmas off so i wouldnt of been able to see my family. And my next holiday is easter and i hadn't seen them since the summer. It was also long hrs and my mental health doctor advised me not to as it would be too much for my brain to handle. His mum had a word with him she mentioned she was getting annoyed and things i should get a saturday job. He told her your not thinking straight. I work on a Saturday night i wouldnt see her. Shed be finishing and id be starting. And one day a week is nothing. Shes like well im thinking of susan shes stook up in the room and hes like your not thinking of her. Shes happy in my room. Which i am im fine chilling. And shes like what about the instore. He explian the Christmas thing. Shes like she gets up at 2pm and hes like but so do it. She sleeps in with me you dont bother that im sleeping in till that time whats the issue with susan doing the same. Thats when shes like she could get up early and tidy up for me. And hes like so you want her to clean up after your and dads mess thats youve left when youve gone out. Hes like thats not right. You asked her too keep my room clean she has. She does the washing as soon as she come she even does your stuff aswell she puts it in my room to dry as you complained it was causing a problem as she kept it in the kitchen.(the drying rack thing). She started doing it straight as she come in as you complain that when she did it on a saturday that it took too long to dry. He didnt exactly mention this but he made it clear that he didnt think what she was asking me was fair.
I was expected to hover the whole house. Clean there breakfast dishes pans etc. Clean the kitchen from that morning. Tidy there living room. Make it perfect for when they come back. As it showed that i was great full.
So me thanking them for dinner even tho on the beginning i made it perfectly clear that they never had to make me dinner that i would bring my own make my own i was always told that she makes more then enough and it goes in bin normaly i tidy the kitchen i clean dishes i ask if she wants help making dinner. I mix the laundry i dont just do mine. I hang it and fold it for them.
I just cant win with his family. And its all got too much. I hope things get better and we can make it work woth out them sticking there noses in. But i dont know of it will help. If its really due to stress or if he has other issues. Of he does and he gets professional help ill stay but only if.

His family is high-stress, high-drama, high-tension. You won't miss them.

He... well, it sounds like he did a pretty good job of taking your side with his family, I admit (he's not one of these men who avoids all the drama). So he's not a total loser.

However: his recent attitude and behaviour has not been good. Not only has he not been looking after you while you're ill, but he's been making things worse.

The two of you aren't getting on, and he's not prepared to be a proper life partner when you have trouble. Splitting up was the right thing to do. Don't get back with him.

Block all avenues of contact.

His family's (appalling) behaviour is irrelevant.

Hi all. Ive spoke to a lot of people including taking in what you guys have said im still pretty torn. He has tried to look at houses and flats but he has two cars one on finance and one not but ge still has to pay insurance etc on both. He would also have to pay hes own utilities and he has alot of finance that hes paying monthly to and i honestly dont think he manage.
It still doesn't feel like im single as im still in contact but ive told him i think its just confusing us both and we defo need a clean break.
Im confused as i feel somthing for him but i think its all got to much and ive just gone fuck it. And now im like how can i love u of youve put me threw all this. If ive always been bending over backwards yet you make me feel guilty by mentoning all the stuff you do for me. Yet im thinking you complain your tired as you work to much but you wont quick the second job as you want to build savings and have lots of money. Even when i say just wait it out were still young ill be done with studying in a couple of years then we can build savings together. But that doesnt work às he hates that i want to continue my education and ill be 26 by the time i finish.
He family the way he has been brought up i dont want to force to change him. He says he wants to but does he really. Does he see how fucked up his way of thinking is. I feel sorry for him that hes been molded this way. But what if he changes for me but then hes miserable. If hes happying living the way he is then fine. If hes happy being stuck up and thinking that his family are gods greatest gift fine. But i cant be with someone like that im the complete opposite. Ive seen some good in him and even he admits he doesnt know why he has no compasion for other. I think hes still young minded and his family have always treated him like a child. And that the women does everything for the man. I think even for my age im more mature i want to settle down with someone come home to someone. Someone that has similar values to me. I think i feel more quilty to give up as i normally don't i never just walk away. I put others first and i dont want him to be upset n lonely but i think if a nice guy came along and treated me right i wouldnt hesitate

I’m afraid I don’t have time to read all your posts properly but from what I have seen he doesn’t appear to have any redeeming features at all? I don’t think you have mentioned any positive qualities of his. The fact that you talk to him a lot and tell him stuff is not a reason to cling to him.
You have done the right thing to end it. He sounds dreadful. Do not even consider getting back together at some point. He won’t change. It sounds like he doesn’t even like you let alone care for you. Good luck.

Op this is gonna sound harsh but seriously why the fuck are you still bothering with this spoilt man child? He clearly doesn't care otherwise he wouldn't have treated you so callously when you had your op. And then to go on to treating your mum like shit and speaking to her so disrespectfully. You end the relationship and he suddenly feels remorse? He's playing you telling you what you want to hear so you'll take him back. And stop blaming and minimising his beahviour as his mother's fault so you can absolve him of blame. Did his mum put a gun to his head and make him go to the works do whilst you had surgery? Did she make him speak to and treat your mum like shit? His family clearly aren't much better but for gods sake OP OPEN YOUR EYES his actions speak louder than words he's selfish who puts their night out ahead of a loved ones operation?!?! A selfish person thats for sure. Don't just leave run away as fast as you can if he's behaved this way for 7 years he ain't changing ever. Cut all contact and start moving on stop making excuses for him he doesn't deserve them or any second chances either. You'll regain alot of self respect and confidence in yourself if you kick this arsehole and his family to kurb

Honestly Op, “there will be compromises”? Are you really expecting him to change? He won’t. You have fallen out of love.

You may be afraid of change but honestly, it can’t be worse than leaving in the abusive environment your BF is providing you with, lovely life and future to look forward to! (Not)