Tell me I'm not going mad

[onemoresmartie]

Met someone on a dating website last week, we arranged to meet for a drink he was really keen and brought me flowers which I thought was lovely for a first date
We arranged to meet up again and I went to his home town which is about 30 min drive away from my house, nothing was said about staying over but I had too much to drink to then drive home so I stayed over at his apartment

Basically his back ground is that he hasn't moved to the area for very long and does contract work, has a house up north that he keeps and he was there this weekend visiting his daughter

I have a sneaking gut feeling that he has a wife/partner up there and now I feel like a fool.
His contact has been minimal all weekend and I haven't heard from him at all today

We were supposed to meet up again yesterday but he said he had to stay an extra night

Do I run a mile or send me a message to ask him wtf is going on

He seemed really genuine and keen and we got on really well, says on his profile that he isn't after a casual fling

Don't send him a message. If you hear from him, see what happens. But be careful.

See if he contacts you. It's been one date. You really can't read into anything.

I can't believe you stayed the night with s stranger though, that's so dangerous.

Give him a bit of time I'd say, it's only early days.

Agree with above though big risk staying over at his house, take care of yourself

Is there a reason why your gut says he has a partner? Has he been checking his phone or seeing pictures of other woman at his place?

Doesn’t hurt to message him for a date. Give him time- you only just met him.

Ah OP what were you thinking? This guy is a total stranger! Please, please think about your own safety and well-being. Getting drunk, and spending the night with him could have put you in a dangerous position.
The likelihood is he's met you twice and he's making excuses as he's decided you're not for him.
OLD sites are full of guys like him. If you carry on like this with guys off them, they'll think all their birthdays and Christmas's have come at once.
Protect yourself and stay sober!

No I just have a weird feeling because his contact changed massively over the weekend
He did send the odd message but it just seemed strange he wasn't ringing or anything like he was prior to going back home for the weekend
I know he was probably spending time with his daughter
I have stayed strong and not messaged him so I'll wait to see what happens

It wasn't my best judgement to stay over I know but I just took a punt and was enjoying his company so didn't think anything of it tbh.
Thanks tho, I think I do need to stick to my original boundaries and not lax them for anyone because then I feel like shit when this happens

Yeh, trust your gut. I found that the married ones messaged more during work hours and less during the weekend.

I agree, I'd send him a message saying ''something feels off here, I'm out, good luck''.

Don't contact him. Just take a step back and wait and see what happens. He probably won't get back in touch again.

Well, it may be that it was more of a quick fling. Don’t contact him. See if he pursues you a bit. When I was dating, the ones who went quiet in evenings or weekends were invariably in a relationship.
It’s one date. If you enjoyed it, don’t feel bad. Perhaps just don’t get too drunk on the next date.

Very mixed as to if I should send him a message or not...he sent me loads of messages saying he hoped he would be the one to make me delete the apps, that he thought I was great blah blah blah

Just so weird to then do a 180

He said over the weekend that he had a stomach bug and hadn't been very well and his mum has an accident I just said oh dear sounds like an eventful weekend and I hoped she was alright

I don't know what to do for the best, send one last message or just block and delete 🤷🏼‍♀️

Or, @onemoresmartie option 3 - don't send a message, don't block and delete - just get on with your life, see if there's anyone else you want to date/get to know, and see what happens - see if he gets in touch, and tread carefully with eyes open!

(Full disclosure though - I used to have to delete numbers of people I liked, even after only one date, as I had a terrible habit of getting drunk and messaging them - so I see where you might be coming from!)

I had a very similar situation. Met a guy, fell head over heels in love, he lived up north but worked down south during the week. Turned out he was engaged to be married, while sleeping with me.

Do you think your gut has picked up on something or are you being cautious (which is wise with OLD). You could pull back a bit and wait to see how it pans out and look for other signs. My new rule is not to date something without social media. It's too easy to lie about who you are and where you are without a social media presence to corroborate things.

Is this another case of he has lost interest after sex?

We had added each other on Instagram and no sign in there
It's all very strange, I like consistency though so the fact he has gone quiet on me is a clear message in my eyes.

I won't block or delete him yet, I'll give it a few days

I've been on that many tinder dates I could write a book but it's so frustrating when you do click with someone and you think they like you back just to then disappear 😟

I’d trust your gut instinct

Last week?? Two dates? Give him a chance! Do you message a lot?

Until he went away at the weekend
Yea we did message quite a lot and he would call me in the afternoon on the phone

No phone calls since Friday 😕

Oh I don't know, why do you think he's lying about his mum's accident and his stomach bug? I probably wouldn't message much when looking after my child and not feeling well..? Maybe just wait it out and see if you think he's honest as you get to know him.

I don't think I'll see him again
We had such a good time, he was the one that seemed really keen

All very strange or like the other poster said
Maybe now he's had what he wanted it's on to the next...

I just feel silly for thinking that he liked me

And I wouldn't do one last message or block and delete! I'd do nothing. You've just met. Take it easy and get to know him.

He will be back and he will have some great excuses and if you don't believe them he will say your acting to intense.
The thing about social media is that he could have more than one account or not have his wife on it.
His behaviour is unacceptable, a quick message to say he's busy or ask how you are isnt hard.
All this game play and doubles guessing is just pathetic and not fair on you op

Aw, there's nothing to feel silly about. You've done nothing wrong. Maybe slightly over-invested, that's all. Try to relax a little. Maybe he doesn't like talking on the phone when he's with his child (I don't).

Maybe he's paying attention to his daughter and doesn't feel comfortable talking in front of her?

Oh I hate this, and yes it happens. Perhaps don’t block but do delete the convo and his number (and if it’s WA remember to “ignore” on the Siri setting which has a habit of keeping numbers. Then you can’t be tempted to message again.