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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He said he was going to kill himself

89 replies

sadandlostrightnow · 08/12/2019 07:21

Name changed.

I recently separated with my ex, and I got a hysterical phone call from his mum at 1am this morning saying that he said he’s going to kill himself.
She didn’t even know we have separated until that point, because he’s been delaying telling his family.

I feel like I should take him back after this, because I feel like this is all my fault and I need to make sure he’s ok. I rang the police and everything.

What should I do?!

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 08/12/2019 07:22

Go back to sleep
He's your ex, he's not your problem
Block his mum as well. She's causing drama

Puta · 08/12/2019 07:24

Yeah, they all say that.

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Mum4Fergus · 08/12/2019 07:24

Nothing...he is an adult and responsible for his own choices and consequences. His Mum can call the police if she feels he is genuinely in danger.

MsRomanoff · 08/12/2019 07:25

Do nor take him back.

Its more likely emotional manipulation, than an actual attempt. I know more men and women that have said this in an attempt to get an ex back, than I care to know.

And even if its genuine, how does him being suicidal mean the relationship will work?

You cant be with someone simply because they may hurt themseleves if you leave. That's not a relationship.

Original poster

sadandlostrightnow · 08/12/2019 07:25

She’s been trying guilt trip me saying he’ll be missing the kids and that he worships the ground I walk on etc... I just feel so bad.

OP posts:

MsRomanoff · 08/12/2019 07:25

Why did you need to call the police? Surely she did that before she called you?

Brenna24 · 08/12/2019 07:26

Do not take him back. My ex did this sort of crap. Phone the police and let them deal with him.

MsRomanoff · 08/12/2019 07:26

You have kids?

Definitely dont have someone suicidal around them. Their mental health is priority.

Ignore her.

Besidesthepoint · 08/12/2019 07:27

Just call tge police and ignore it. It's manipulative.

Savingforarainyday · 08/12/2019 07:27

My ex did this sort of crap too.
His new wife is welcome to him

DrWAnker · 08/12/2019 07:28

You don't need to do anything.
I presume he's an ex for a very good reason.
He (or his mum) is trying to manipulate you, keep out of it.
It sounds harsh but generally people who are going to commit suicide are not shouting about it beforehand.

DrWAnker · 08/12/2019 07:30

And you've kids..!!
Run away. Protect them, they don't need to be around that.

Skyechasemarshalontheway · 08/12/2019 07:31

Leave the police to see he is safe.
Tell him you wouldnt be helping him getting back together if he is that low. He needs to work on that himself.

It's most likely he's using it to try get you back but you've done the right thing calling the police incase he has attempted something.

You are in no way responsible for any of this.

TreeMenDos · 08/12/2019 07:31

Don't.

I had the same.

I had to leave my ex whilst in a psychiatric facility because I felt that was the best time to do it, whilst mental health professionals were around etc

The suicide threats started. And an attempt.

It's emotional blackmail.

It is not your responsibility to keep this person safe. It's their own. This abusive and coercive behaviour is just proof you are doing the right thing.

MollyButton · 08/12/2019 07:33

Block her. She isn't on your side.

If he is just doing this to manipulate you (which is probably the case) then she is a flying monkey. And just trying to reel you back.
This is all part of the script to try to reel you back in.

No one kills themselves because they are seeing a bit less of their kids or their partner left them. People kill themselves because they have serious mental health issues. If he is that mentally unwell then he needs professional help, and your children not being constantly around him is probably best for their mental health.

Unplug phones at night, put mobiles on silent or downstairs. So people can't disturb you when you are vulnerable.

And if she was that worried she should have called the police/ambulance not you.

Babdoc · 08/12/2019 07:33

OP, they are both trying to manipulate and guilt trip you. It’s abusive, trying to emotionally blackmail someone into a relationship they don’t want.
You are not responsible for the mental health of an ex. What he threatens or chooses to do is up to him. If he is genuinely suicidal (which is very unlikely) then he can seek help from his GP and the community psych crisis team.
How would taking him back help either of you? Your own mental health would suffer from being in a coercive relationship against your will, and he would still have all the issues that led you to break up in the first place. And the kids would be raised in a toxic atmosphere. Don’t go there. Politely disengage and leave him and/or his mother to sort this themselves. Stay strong.

CodyBurns · 08/12/2019 07:34

My ex did this too. I called the police. He didn’t do it again.

cherryblossomgin · 08/12/2019 07:36

Tell her your relationship is none of her business. You have to remember why he's an ex.

If he was going to kill himself he wouldn't tell people before he did. It's a manipulative way to make you feel bad.

FredaFrogspawn · 08/12/2019 07:36

Yes - disengage kindly - she’s his mum and of course she’s scared and panicking. She’s not to blame but being involved isn’t going to help here.

boymum9 · 08/12/2019 07:36

@sadandlostrightnow my ex did this (although I'm 99% sure he didn't actually, but he told everyone he did, I'm only sure because he had the location sharing on on his phone and he wasn't where he said, and a lot of his story didn't add up)

Even though I could see his location in comparison to where he said he was I still had the same fear and panic of what he was going to do, and felt responsibility, so I'm sorry, it's not your fault and don't let anyone make you feel that way, people are responsible for their own actions

AgentJohnson · 08/12/2019 07:37

She’s guilt tripping you because she doesn’t want to deal with her son.

AlwaysCheddar · 08/12/2019 07:37

Ignore and DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. THIS IS NOT YOUR FSULT.

namechange4052 · 08/12/2019 07:42

THREE of my exes have said this. All three of the fuckers are still very much alive, still bouncing about being horrible to women. He's just trying to manipulate you, don't let him win.

saraclara · 08/12/2019 07:43

Yes - disengage kindly - she’s his mum and of course she’s scared and panicking. She’s not to blame but being involved isn’t going to help here.

That. She can't be blamed for feeling the incredible fear and panic she must be going through. The mothers on here should be able to empathise with that.

But he is not your problem and you must not take him back.

Daisydoola · 08/12/2019 07:44

Oh that's just horrid and such a worry even though his actions are nothing to do with you.

No advice but sending you a hug. Even though that's not a thing on mumsnet

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