Has anyone every regretted ending their marriage?

[Macandcheeseplease]

Just that really. I seem to read lots of positive stories from people leaving unhappy relationships. But does anyone ever feel leaving and starting again was the wrong thing to do? I'm thinking relationships with no abuse or anything, just one person falling out of love with the other.

Any time he says you're not putting any effort in, just say "I'm still here."

You don't have to sort it. He needs to sort himself and prove himself to you.

Ask him why you should stay with him.

Does he always dismiss your feelings like that?

Doesn't matter if it's about gambling, or something more trivial. He doesn't sound very kind or considerate of you, and you sound very considerate of him and his behaviour towards you and your children.

@Lweji I know what he'd say. He would say 'because I love you, and we have a nice life together, and we have the children. Don't give it up.'

The only thing he said in the taxi home was 'you've got what you wanted'. I asked him what he meant and he wouldn't expand. Then he said 'just don't try and pin all this on me'.

How exactly does he love you? How does he show it?

Why did he ruin it, then?

But the main question is whether you love him. It sounds like you don't anymore.
It's understandable because you don't want to be hurt anymore.
I've been to that place of indifference and it wasn't long until my marriage ended. In my case he resorted to violence because he could sense that I had freed myself emotionally.
I suspect your OH knows you've stopped loving him, and he doesn't know what to do or want to do anything. He was comfortable knowing that you'd he back without him having to make a real effort.

...Then he said 'just don't try and pin all this on me'.

I don't see how you can forgive and trust your DH when he obviously doesn't accept full responsibility for his stupidity.
Why on earth is he trying to deflect it back to you?

Is he very arrogant and entitled?

He seems to almost resent you (I hope I'm wrong).

I have never regretted it. I think when you get to that stage, you have thought so very long and hard about it and decided it is something that must be done. When there are small children involved, you ask yourself, is this really the ONLY option left to me, and if the answer is yes then regret is probably not ever going to be part of the equation.

Some people are selfish and immature, and think the grass is greener. I would imagine that finding out it isn't and that their marriage was ok in comparison would lead to regret. People like me who aren't looking for greener grass, but just their own free patch of grass, are unlikely to regret.

Saying that, when I find myself in my ex-husbands company for too long I find him so irritating and disappointing that I would gladly divorce him again! The longing to pick up his dirty pants, look at his alcoholic face or listen to how hard and stressful his only role in life was (his job) definitely does not have me clamouring to reunite!

That’s rotten. It boils down to what I said earlier.
He thinks this is about gambling. He’s stopped gambling so he thinks you should stop being cross.
It’s not about gambling. It’s about trust. He broke you trust, probably jeopardised your family’s security and now he’s making light of that. If he understood what he’d done and if he was truly sorry for it then there would be hope.
A marriage counsellor may be able to help him see this. He clearly lacks the emotional maturity and responsibility to do it himself. So sorry OP.

My understanding of this conversation is that he’s furious with you for not forgiving him and letting things go back to how they were. Probably he believes that’s what he would do if the positions were reversed. But remember, he’s not in charge of your emotional response. He doesn’t get to tell you how to feel.

It does really sound as if you would benefit from marriage counselling.

Everything is a mess. I'm doubting myself now. He's right, I have distanced myself. I'm probably not making the effort I should be so I can see why he feels hurt.

Marriage counselling is the only option I think. I need him to understand what I'm trying to tell him.

Why should you be making big efforts? He is the one who screwed things up. He should be willing to do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes. He is trying to put blame on you, that you are jointly to blame for the situation. The situation is of his making. He has broken the trust and squandered family money, not YOU. Don't let him guilt trip you, you are allowed to feel what you feel. As someone said upthread you are "still here", jeez he should be so grateful for that.

Personally I do regret it. I wasn't in a healthy relationship but I still blame myself and feel I made a mistake. He is since remarried and I don't think I fully realised what I had done until I saw the pictures of them on their wedding day. I still love what we had in the good times even if I don't want to be around him anymore...

All the best op x

Purple no judgement but I'm curious as to how you could feel you made a mistake if it wasnt a healthy relationship and you don't want to be around him anymore?

I understand you still loving what you had in the good times but it doesn't sound as though it was good when you ended it.

A long time ago I decided that regret is a wasted emotion. Best to look to the future and dwell on past mistakes.

But I did leave my husband and did not regret it for a single day

Yes. He adored me, I thought I had 'fallen out of love', which I had. But, I did not give him a chance, no counselling, refused to discuss it and walked straight into the arms of a narcissist. After a few years of mental abuse I am through the worst of it. I have a fantastic life BUT the guilt doesn't leave me and I think of him every day.