Just had the worst first date ever.
My ex broke up with me about 6 weeks ago. Everything was quite good but he couldn't cope. We were long distance and he has mental health problems. Thing is, he was nasty during the breakup and accused me of being manipulative because I was upset about the time we spent together (ie not a lot) when I went down to see him.
I really thought this man was the one. I have never been so intellectually in tune with someone before, I really loved him, and I thought he loved me. I was his first partner in 6 years and he said we were magical and he had found someone worth putting everything last to.
When we broke up I just accepted it - I didn't try and fight for him or anything. I didn't get upset or beg or try to rationalise. I just said "I think there's a lot to fight for but I respect your decision"
We've had phone calls in the weeks before I stopped contacting him where we just spoke about stuff like we usually do (this sounds weird but we loved talking about philosophy and stuff like that, so we never ran out of fun things to talk about). It's the thing I miss the most about him, I've never been intellectually attracted to someone.
When we went on our first date it lasted 14 hours (!) And he drove me the 2 hour journey home. We didn't sleep together. He didn't talk about sex or what I looked like. Think the furthest he went was "you're so beautiful". It was just so lovely, and it still gives me goosebumps to think of it.
Back to first date tonight: immediately started pressuring me to stay at his, from the beginning. Then, after maybe 10 minutes walking down the round he kisses me on the mouth (unexpectedly). We ate and he tried to spend the whole time convincing me to go back to his. Then he kept saying "I'm a bad date aren't i" and "in not doing well". When I didn't kiss him he said "I know it was a bad date for you" and kept trying to convince me like "not even a peck?". Kept getting me to evaluate him during the date "do you think you'll see me again?" Like an hour in.
Just on the train home now, feeling shit. I know my ex has/had issues but the difference is outstandingly stark. The weird date guy has text me asking me to meet him again Sunday (not going to). And after 1 month no contact I've caved and text my ex "I really miss you"
Fuck my life. Gonna wake up tomorrow with no reply from the ex and having to let weird date guy down gently.
Dating is so shit.