The worst first date imaginable. Are men this shit?

[serenenqueen]

Just had the worst first date ever.

My ex broke up with me about 6 weeks ago. Everything was quite good but he couldn't cope. We were long distance and he has mental health problems. Thing is, he was nasty during the breakup and accused me of being manipulative because I was upset about the time we spent together (ie not a lot) when I went down to see him.

I really thought this man was the one. I have never been so intellectually in tune with someone before, I really loved him, and I thought he loved me. I was his first partner in 6 years and he said we were magical and he had found someone worth putting everything last to.

When we broke up I just accepted it - I didn't try and fight for him or anything. I didn't get upset or beg or try to rationalise. I just said "I think there's a lot to fight for but I respect your decision"

We've had phone calls in the weeks before I stopped contacting him where we just spoke about stuff like we usually do (this sounds weird but we loved talking about philosophy and stuff like that, so we never ran out of fun things to talk about). It's the thing I miss the most about him, I've never been intellectually attracted to someone.

When we went on our first date it lasted 14 hours (!) And he drove me the 2 hour journey home. We didn't sleep together. He didn't talk about sex or what I looked like. Think the furthest he went was "you're so beautiful". It was just so lovely, and it still gives me goosebumps to think of it.

Back to first date tonight: immediately started pressuring me to stay at his, from the beginning. Then, after maybe 10 minutes walking down the round he kisses me on the mouth (unexpectedly). We ate and he tried to spend the whole time convincing me to go back to his. Then he kept saying "I'm a bad date aren't i" and "in not doing well". When I didn't kiss him he said "I know it was a bad date for you" and kept trying to convince me like "not even a peck?". Kept getting me to evaluate him during the date "do you think you'll see me again?" Like an hour in.

Just on the train home now, feeling shit. I know my ex has/had issues but the difference is outstandingly stark. The weird date guy has text me asking me to meet him again Sunday (not going to). And after 1 month no contact I've caved and text my ex "I really miss you"

Fuck my life. Gonna wake up tomorrow with no reply from the ex and having to let weird date guy down gently.

Dating is so shit.

Oh God. You need to get your boundaries set more clearly and stop staying in situations which aren't working for you. I'd have left him the moment he kissed me uninvited!

Walk away...next time...don't hang about being polite!

Sounds awful.

Cut your losses and don't contact either again.

Concentrate on you only.

There is no need to let a weirdo down gently, it just makes things worse. You block him in whatever dating app you are using, then block him in your phone. End of.

Block the weirdo. Next time if your first read of someone is that they're a massive weirdo, there's no need to continue the date! Fake an emergency if you feel bad.

Awww OP. You’re not going to get over your ex by dating anyone (let alone weirdos who you should block immediately). Take your time. Life isn’t all about having a man. Spend the Xmas holiday with your friends and family and just finding yourself again. I’m sorry you had a shit night, chalk it down to experience and try to forget about it. You’ll be ok in time

I hope you've blocked him.

Yuck. Block the creep. Give yourself some time before you date. It's quite soon. Enjoy going out with girlfriends, take up a hobby. You may meet someone naturally rather than having to date creeps.

Yes most definitely blocked, without hesitating. First time I haven't been "nice" to someone who didn't deserve it.

I wish I had walked away after he kissed me unexpectedly - it makes me feel sick thinking about it. We were walking down a road which was quiet and he just stopped so I turned around and he said let me just do this - then kissed me - and I froze. Like my blood ran cold. My mouth stayed firmly closed. I imagine if you freeze-framed it you would see me grimace.

What makes it worse is that I had told him that I wasn't ready to date yet after my ex. He said we could just meet casually - I reluctantly agreed.

So his idea of casual is forcing a kiss on me, and pressuring me to stay at his.

Uggggh.

and the kiss was about 5 minutes after we'd met up - what the fuck?!

I didn't kiss my ex until the second date, and even then it was the most innocent of kisses - and that gave me butterflies.

Oh and weird date guy kept saying "I'm really attractive and only knew about three years ago" ... Spoiler: wasn't that attractive

That guy is a weirdo! And what, he only realized he was good looking 3 years ago? WTF does that even mean? What happened 3 years ago?

Ugh he was so creepy 😩 he was saying things like "I've got you all read" and "here's my evaluation of you" and "I'm a very sexual person"
🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮
Out of interest how are you/him if you don’t mind me asking?

*how old , sorry

@overnightangel Im 25 and he is 29.

What happened 3 years ago?

A woman smiled at him in the street instead of vomitting on his shoes, as had happened every other time he'd encountered a member of the female sex.

Hope you’re okay. Get yourself distracted with something that focuses on you! After my breakup I started weight lifting and it helped me get happy again. Missing someone like this is an awful feeling

Take some time off from dating.

You are now in a vulnerable state and twats like last night’s date can sense it from from a far distance. Chalk this one up on experience and take it as a warning to not make the same mistake again.

I thought you’d be older for some reason.... bloody hell you're 25 go and have fun and meet some normal men ... it sounds like you’ve been doing online dating ?
Btw I’d love to know who the 3 people are who think you’re being unreasonable?!

My sister who would have been in her fifties at the time met a guy from online dating and she really didn’t like him at all. She went to the loo and climbed out of the ladies window and did a runner.

Creepy men of all ages exist, good luck op give yourself some time to heal before dating again. I got out of a long term relationship in my late twenties and gave myself a year off just doing stuff for me and avoiding dating, it was a great year.

What's making you miss your ex more is that first date guy was that bad that ex stacks up relatively better. But why date a guy with MH issues who is living miles away so you can't meet much when you don't need to? Nearer to home is better for you I think as you said you found it upsetting not being able to see your ex enough, that maybe shows that LDR is not for you.

I also thought you were both going to be older. So on the plus side, he's got a few years to realise "whoops I'm a a twat" and stop that.

What do you feel you want to do now OP? Dating can be validating in a "yay I've still got it" sense but equally you end up meeting a lot of weirdos.

I've personally found it better (albeit much harder) working on my friendships and career.

Yes he definitely sensed I was vulnerable. Ugh makes me feel shit today

Don't feel shit, there's nothing wrong with YOU!

But some of your subsequent posts (where you're mentioning your ex) are just reiterating that you really aren't even close to being over that relationship yet. Going into another relationship, even a 'casual, just seeing one another' one is going to be hard as it is, because you are still comparing every moment to the ones you had with your ex.

I'd give it a few more week at least. Wait until the New Year. I know Christmas is hard if you're single (I'm single too), but get through that and into 2020 and THEN, once you can start thinking about people without instantly comparing them to your ex, you could think about dating again.

Don't give Weird Bloke another thought. And definitely block him.

It's not a binary choice, there are other men. I'd give these both up as a bad job.

It's not that usual for men to comment on your looks on a date, so the fact your ex didn't on your first date is not unusual, it's normal. I loathe people commenting on my looks (mainly because I think I'm unattractive so assume they just think they have to say it, but also because I want them to like me as a person, not as a piece of meat).

Most men don't try to sleep with you on the first date either, not a proper date. I mean, Tinder hook up type things aside, a real "let's go to dinner" is just getting to know each other.
My dp, we'd known each other a year or so from a joint hobby. We had three dates before he invited me to his. He never forced a kiss on me, never tried to pressure me into anything, I don't recall him blethering on about what I look like either. I think we had better things to talk about.

Leave them both, have a nice break, spend time with family and friends, start dating a bit in the new year.

Take some time off. Six weeks is nothing and you are not yet open to meeting men without comparing them unfavourably or favourably with your ex.

I think you have your ex on a pedestal and I’m guessing you thought he had the full package and saw your future with him. But.... he didn’t want the relationship (enough) in his life so things weren’t balanced and would never have worked out. I was in a relationship where I put the other person so high up that I didn’t see the fall coming either. I’ve also been on the bad dates. I remember one guy waiting for me outside the bathroom in a bar because he thought I was going to run out of the bar away from him. (I did an hour later).

Give yourself time. And mostly don’t give up and just settle which is what I did.

Six weeks is too soon to start dating after a six year relationship, give yourself some time to heal and fully move on first.

Dating can be shit though, that’s definitely true. You have to take the rough with the smooth and have an incredibly thick skin.