Your H is having, at the very least, an emotional affair. They have been making a mockery of you. He is now calling you a paranoid, pathetic fool? As usual, he is contemptuously shifting the blame to you.
Suki, is this the same woman you wrote about a few months ago? I commented on that thread. One of his colleagues told you that H had been giving a female coworker a lift home for over a year. You had never even heard of this woman! H was standing there and looked guilty, but later blamed his secrecy on you. He had repeatedly been an hour late coming home, and his phone would be off. You never could reach him when you needed to, even though you were in a high-risk pregnancy after an late term miscarriage. He didn’t care.
You wrote about his extreme emotional abuse of you—his moods, rages and contemptuous behavior. When you cry he never looks up from his phone. He is a pig who throws trash on the floor and leaves dishes on the sofa and expects you to clean it, even though you are exhausted from baby care. He won’t help with the children. Once when the baby spit up on you, you asked if he’d watch her while you showered. He proceeded to leave the house and didn’t return until 1:00 a.m. He then entered the bedroom and said, “You can shower now.”
He also exhibits road rage, has actually exited the car to argue with other drivers, and he starts arguments all over town.
You are afraid of him during his angry episodes. When you’ve mentioned separating, he has promised to seek help for his anger, but never follows through. After learning about the mystery woman, you said that you had finally found your anger and were going to stop tolerating him. You were going to seek support.
Suki, he will never change. He will always be an abusive monster. Plus, he is absolutely cheating on you. I hope that you will one day leave him. Your children will be damaged in this toxic, brutal environment. You three deserve a safe and peaceful life.