I'm hoping for some advice about a friendship I've had on and off since I was 4 years old.Apologies this is a long one but I dont want to drip feed.
We were best friends all through childhood, we went to the same primary school in the same class and remained close even though we went to separate secondary schools. Our friendship wasn't the best and to be honest she regularly dropped me for others and would leave me sat on my own after promising to come over for a sleepover etc. I have no idea why I wanted to remain friends with her but we talked every day and our parents ended up being close friends too.
When we got into our late teens and early twenties we saw less of each other, and I met someone and got engaged. I asked her to be my maid of honour, to which she agreed, but wouldn't make time for either of the dress fittings, didn't attend the hen do (despite it being a low key chilled event in our local pub - arranged by me) and then decided to move abroad just before my wedding day. I reluctantly asked my sister in law to take over since my best mate wasn't even sure if she could now make the wedding at all. I was gutted, and told her I'd assumed she'd be there for the day. She managed to get a flight home but said she had no option but to leave my wedding before the speeches. She wasn't in any of our photos, and of course didn't bother getting us a gift or a card.
After the wedding I decided to take a break from her as tbh I didnt feel like she was much of a mate. She ended up dating my husbands best mate a while after though and sort of shoehorned her way back into our lives. While she was with my husbands mate we saw loads of her, mainly because he would come over to ours loads and she tagged along, and soon we were like our old selves, it was an easy friendship basically.
I found out not long after that I was pregnant, and when our eldest was born we asked her and her boyfriend to be godparents (given that they were our oldest friends). He was always amazing with our little one, but she wasn't bothered. I kind of understood it as she was at a different stage in her life.After a while their relationship broke down and she took it quite badly. I tried to support her the best I could but with a young baby it was hard to be as available as she wanted. She didn't understand that I'd want to nap if I'd been up all night, and that my little one would come first.
About a month after the breakdown of her relationship she rushed into another with a guy who was related to her friend. They decided to try for a baby almost immediately (to get her own back on the bloke she'd broken up with) despite me trying to reason with her and make her see sense. She didn't get pregnant straight away thankfully but kept trying and trying despite the fact they weren't living together and she was in and out of jobs every 6 months.I feel like she barely knew him.
She eventually did fall pregnant but had an early miscarriage and I think her world just sort of fell apart. She couldn't function and was obsessed with trying again and again for another baby. She hated her friends who were pregnant after the miscarriage, and said they were rubbing it in her face. I too fell with my second baby and almost felt guilty to share this with her. She barely spoke to me throughout the pregnancy and didn't meet my baby until he was 8 months old.
She did manage to conceive again, and thankfully her little one was born safely but she'd treated most of her other friends so badly that I was the only one she could really talk to or confide in. She moved away from the area completely, with no job and little money. I shared my concern that she would be too far away for most to visit with ease (over an hours drive). She was adamant that moving away would be the change she needed and that she wouldn't be isolated.
Fast forward a few more months and our friendship became a way for her to vent, and every conversation we had was about how awful her other friends and family are " nobody visits me, I'm alone, I have no money, I hate my life etc" I felt sorry for her but also had problems of my own. She would never ask how me or my kids were doing, how our lives were going, never wanted to go for coffee (just wanted to sit and have me listen to hour long conversations about her problems) and the worry I had for her started to wane.
This has carried on now for several years, with this friend sort of using me like a therapist. She calls me usually 3 times a day, starting at 7am usually, and if I don't answer she calls and calls and calls until I pick up. If I ignore her she starts sending text messages asking why I'm not picking up. When we talk she rattles off her problems, usually with her child screaming in the background - to which she responds "f*cking shut up" or similar :( and if I try to interject with advice or a way to help she shuts every possible option down. She threw herself a baby shower recently and caused a huge argument in the middle of the shower with her family, I mean screaming swear words at them in front of a room full of people, including her 3 yr old ds and 8mo dn and the very few friends she has left. No one knew where to look or what to say. I actually picked up her child and led him out of the room and away from the screaming.
She is now hounding me hourly and I just cant cope with it. My husband is losing patience and wants me to block her completely. The only reason I haven't is because I've known her my whole life. I flinch every time she calls my phone. She is constantly hounding me on social media too.
I don't know how to get a back bone and just stop this nonsense. I've never been able to handle conflict and know she is going to slate me to whoever will listen and probably her family (who at times have been like a second family to me)
Just am lost and could do with some advice really