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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband left 19 years

21 replies

Bigpooh13 · 02/12/2019 19:32

My husband left me in August. Total shock. I still cant believe it. He made me give up my job last year to work with him. I brought up his kids as his 2nd wife left them with him. He still wants me to work with him but u cant. 2 weeks after leaving me he was back with his 2nd wife they were divorced un 1995. He has been cruel and lying to me. No wants a divorce. I've lost my step kids my job my husband and my life

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/12/2019 19:34

You need to get a solicitor, asap, and get busy rebuilding your life on your terms. I'm very sorry about all this.

jamdhanihash · 02/12/2019 19:35

Are you the third wife?

Original poster
Bigpooh13 · 02/12/2019 20:26

Yes. Well for a couple of months only as hes divorcing me

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SuperbMonkey · 02/12/2019 20:27

I feel for you. You are not alone in this. Cry and talk as much as you need to. Reach out to people in real life as well as online. This is really painful for you (I know what I’m talking about as my own situation is similar). Look after yourself.

Original poster
Bigpooh13 · 02/12/2019 20:28

Ive seen a solicitor but I have no means of paying him. As I was paid by my husband. He comes around the house rings n texts me. But only when shes not about. He has totally stitched me up and I cant believe it.

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Original poster
Bigpooh13 · 02/12/2019 20:32

It was only me n him together. I've been left with only a couple of friends . At my age everyone has their own life.

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Original poster
Bigpooh13 · 02/12/2019 20:33

How are you coping

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Fairycake2 · 02/12/2019 20:33

So sorry you're going through this. Time to start doing things for you now, one day at a time. Get some advice about what you might be entitled to, start looking for another job and hopefully after that the rest will follow. Be kind to yourself and try to do at least one thing each day which makes you smile / happy. Keep talking and cry when you need to. I'm 3 weeks in since my husband left so I'm trying to follow my own advice! We can do this x

Original poster
Bigpooh13 · 02/12/2019 20:44

Thank you. How you doing it. I'm back at the gym . Had lip filler. Cleared his stuff out the house. He even moans to me about her. I'm in constant pain as I hurt my back working with him. He left his 1st wife for this woman they got married quickly as she was pregnant had 2 kids quickly n then she cheated on him n left him. She has been horrible to him n the kids all the time which makes it harder to understand

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Fairycake2 · 02/12/2019 20:58

I'm taking it day by day. Have been doing pretty well up until today as he's been here over the weekend while I was away and cleared the rest of his stuff. Makes it so final but I've shed a few tears and tomorrow will be another day. Sounds like you need to start cutting contact. It's completely out of order for him to be moaning to you about her. Get him out of your life as much as possible. It definitely makes it easier. I'm trying to focus on the future and make plans for days / nights out with friends. Am keeping busy and trying not to watch it listen to anything sad right now. Being on here is definitely helping and writing myself a list of all the things that used to annoy me about him and why I'm better off without him 😂

PicsInRed · 02/12/2019 21:14

Joint assets?

Pretty stupid of him to marry you and financially legitimise 19 years into a long marriage for settlement purposes.

How old are the children? Are you still in contact with them?

plumebaby · 02/12/2019 21:26

Contact the benefits office and see what you can claim. You should surely get a part of the business? Never ever rely only on a man ever again. Always have your own friends that don’t even know your husband, your own bank account and your own money stashed away. Do not let him keep coming back. He’s absolutely done you over and you should never have left your job for him! Can you get yourself back into paid work? Start applying ASAP.

Original poster
Bigpooh13 · 03/12/2019 08:26

They kids are finding it hard n are shocked and upset and dont like how hes treated me but he is still there dad. One daughter is happy about it. I miss the kids and the grand children. Hes split his family

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Original poster
Bigpooh13 · 05/12/2019 18:35

I am not in a good position to find work as in june I slipped 2 discs in my back trapping sciatic nerves . Agony.

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PicsInRed · 05/12/2019 18:41

Have you seen a solicitor?

Original poster
Bigpooh13 · 09/12/2019 15:39

Yes still waiting to hear back from him. 2 weeks ago. He wasnt keen on taking my case as I have no money to pay him with

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SuperbMonkey · 09/12/2019 15:46

@Bigpooh13. Please find another solicitor. If you have not heard from the person you went to for 2 weeks he is not going to be of any use to you. Have a look at the Family Law Panel.
thefamilylawpanel.org/

Original poster
Bigpooh13 · 09/12/2019 18:01

Thank you . I'll ring my solicitor tomorrow. I've emailed today.

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Original poster
Bigpooh13 · 10/12/2019 19:07

Yay expecting letter this week. This will hurt my husband the only way I can. Told him today to stop coming around and ignored his phone calls n texts. Really hard

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Original poster
Bigpooh13 · 16/12/2019 12:54

Hes got info from solicitor. So just waiting for the shit storm to happen. Let's see if he still wants to be my friend.🤔

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Mary1935 · 16/12/2019 16:19

Hi he is not your friend - I know that’s hard but you need to get tough. He’s keeping you sweet for something - that something will be of benefit to him not you.
You don’t need to engage with him - do it through a solicitor.
You can fill in your own divorce papers. - it’s easy - costs about £500 but via a solicitor £1100 approx.
Good luck.

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