The way I saw it, when I was there, was that I could live with having tried and not got there, but I couldn't take someone deciding that for me or my letting them do so, because that was a decision, too.
This was me. I could live with having tried and it not happened. But not with it not happening because I didn’t try or I was kept from trying for too long it ended up impossible.
I was in your shoes OP when I was 28, though I knew for sure I might struggle with my fertility as I had a diagnosis of endometriosis already. My ex kept swinging from ‘I dunno if I ever want kids’ to ‘maybe someday’ to ‘maybe when we’re early to mid thirties’ and after a few months of fighting over it we split up. We’d been together three years and within the first six months of dating I’d brought up kids and that I wanted to start a family by thirty due to my health and he said he did too. When it came to it he didn’t, which was his right (I think he either lied to me about wanting it in the hope he’d change his own mind or he maybe just said whatever it took to keep being with me).
I just knew I couldn’t be happy with him anymore, knowing that I was ready for a baby and seeing my fertile years tick away, not wanting the same things, feeling miserable at every pregnancy announcement from anyone else, wondering why he didn’t want this with me when to me it seemed like the most amazing thing. I knew I’d rather break up and have a chance at a family than stay with him knowingly putting myself in the position of maybe not ever having a child.
A couple of weeks later I met my now DH, second date I told him having kids was important to me and I planned to start a family within three years either with someone or on my own, and that I was only informing him so that if he knew that wasn’t his goal too we could avoid dating and not waste one another’s time. He was like yeah, I can see a baby at that age, I’ve always wanted kids. We dated and moved in and saved for a house and were pregnant and engaged by our third anniversary (married a couple months later, short engagement!).
There are men out there who want kids just as much as you and when you find one you can’t believe you ever wasted time being with a man who didn’t want the same things as you. Not to mention, pregnancy is such a stressful time, you really need a partner who is all-in who can reassure you you’re both ready and keep calm and who you can see is ready to be a father and making solid plans to be a good dad. It’s a bit macabre but it brings me a lot of peace knowing if I died in childbirth, I trust my baby’s father to do a good job and raise him well and he’s in safe hands.
I wouldn’t bother with an MOT in your shoes, either it’ll suggest you need to get cracking in which case you’re still screwed cos you’re still with a man who doesn’t want to try (and absolute ‘best case scenario’ is what, he agrees reluctantly to try? You don’t wanna be TTC with a reluctant father!), or it indicates you’re about on track with your fertility for your age and then it gives him even more reason to delay, when really these tests can’t show everything. A pelvic ultrasound and blood test wouldn’t have shown that one of my tubes was irreparably blocked from endo (that’s diagnosed with surgery and a dye test).
I’d go for bust tbh at 33, you don’t have time to waste if a baby is important. And you’re in a dangerous position as you could string yourself along for another year or two and be in an even worse position later. At 33, newly married, wanting kids, you’d be nuts to pin your hopes on waiting to see whether he changes his mind in a year. I’d tell him you’re either starting to try now or you have to end the marriage and pursue your goals separately. Unless this man is genuinely worth taking a chance on losing the opportunity to have a family. Women can’t afford to allow their fertile years to be dictated or wasted away by men who don’t have a biological clock imo. Know too many sad stories of a woman staying with a guy and convincing herself she can forgo a family for ‘love’ then they split and she sees him have kids with someone else when it’s too late for her.
Really sorry you’re in this position OP. I remember it well and it was terrifying and took over my thoughts. The sheer panic of knowing you’re ready for a baby and need to get cracking but being unable to and being messed around. You have so much in savings, I believe his financial stipulations are just a smoke screen for the fact he isn’t actually wanting a baby any time soon. I mean it can take healthy couples with perfectly timed sex up to a year to conceive anyway, I believe the average is around six to eight months but you’d need to check that out, then you sadly have no guarantee it’ll end in a healthy baby, might need to try again, more time, could be something wrong with a baby that means TFMR is necessary, could struggle to fall pregnant at all and need tests and treatment, even in the best case scenario if you got pregnant tomorrow it’s the better part of a year before the baby arrives! So the idea is waiting a year to even start the process of trying is hugely risky at 33. Not trying to scaremonger. I’m sure you know all this.