Hi I need some advice because I don't know what to think and I am so confused.
I have been with my DH for 25 years - we've had our ups and downs - when we first got together I was very young things were great and then they weren't. I stupidly and wrongly kissed someone else and confessed to my DH who was my BF at the time. He was angry and hurt but we got back together and life continued we got married and now have two early teens.
However this incident (me kissing someone else) has come up a lot over the years (he brings it up) and when it does I have to endure massive abuse from my DH - shouting, slamming doors, him walking out, intense questioning, interrogation late into the night about every little detail, sometimes breaking my things, insults, character assassination- for days, sometimes weeks and once 4 months al the while I am crying and shaking wreck when this happens. This happens about every 6 months to a year and I am being ground down with it!
I have apologised over and over again and I feel I have spent the last 25 years showing how committed I am and how much I love him. About 15 years ago he split up with me because he has met someone else (because he want getting enough attention from me) but he says nothing happened and decided he wanted me. We were apart for 6 weeks and I have to believe him that nothing happened.
We are in the middle of a crisis now. I have started a new job and he is accusing me of 'slutting around' at work. He won't let me sleep in our bed - am in spare room - and he looks tortured. I am getting the shouting, the insults etc.
I don't know what to do. He gets very jealous even if I speak to men and I am so miserable and so is he.
I understand that he is hurting but his reaction to it is so raw like it happened this week and not 25 years ago. He also needs a lot of attention from women when he is like this (friends etc) and will go out with some of his female friends to help his boost his ego.
He wonders why I don't really want to have sex with him! I've told him women aren't normally turned on by men who treat them like shit and are angry and shouting.
I feel awful because he says I have ruined his life and caused his a fatal emotional injury from which he will never recover. I feel so guilty but also struggling to understand.
Anyway he is seeing a counsellor next week.
But I suppose what I am asking is do you think that this is a normal response and behaviour and what would you do!
Thank you