Is this liimerance? How do I stop it?

[futuremrsconnor85]

Hi all, after some advice. Firstly,me and DP have been going through a bad patch. He's away at work half the week, comes home grumpy and tired and wants another baby but I don't (we have a DD, almost 2). We also haven't made love in a fortnight. A couple of weeks ago, a bloke added me on Facebook, probably rather innocently. He's very attractive. While we have never met, he's the brother of someone I know (I must have popped up on his people you may know list) and I can see from his photos that he had bought a house near where I live and separated from his wife. I noticed he viewed my Facebook stories first and he has even liked a couple of them. I have viewed and liked several of his stories. Well, the last week I have become obsessed, seeing if he's online all the time and Facebook stalking him. I think it's because he's the first attractive male to show me even a low level of attention in a few years. I have driven pass his house hoping to see him and spent a lot of the last week daydreaming about us running away together. Today I felt so obsessed with him I feel sick. This has escalated quickly. From what I've read, this might be limerance? But I've never even met him! I'm scaring myself to be honest. How can I stop this? Sorry if I sound like a psycho...apart from this I don't think I am! Has anyone had limerance before?

Haha I guess the poem is not for everyone
I appreciate everyone's replies. Since I wrote this yesterday a couple of things have happened. I'm certain I drove past this bloke on my way home from softplay. Then last night he liked my profile picture on Facebook. Neither of these things helped me forget about him, but I'm trying.

Me and DP had a chat before bed. I said I didn't want any more children and that if he did it couldn't be with me. He slept on it, then this morning has been putting pressure on me and asking DD ' do you want a little brother or sister?' and she said 'yes please'. It broke my heart! I don't know what to do, I'm glad some of you understand why I feel drawn to escapism. I feel so stuck. I feel like I'll end up having another baby eventually and being so unhappy x

Things is dd is only 2.
I couldn't imagine having z a baby as well.
BUT my ds was born when dd was nearly 5 - it was brilliant- she even used to help me :)

So maybe tell him it's too soon at the moment.

Has anybody told you what the chances are that you'd have PPP again, if you did have another baby OP?

It sounds like he's putting a lot of pressure on you. PPP is extremely serious, so do make sure your health and wellbeing are not forgotten in his quest for a large family.

Doing that with your dd was a horrible manipulative thing to do, and designed to force you into a pregnancy you don’t want. I’d seriously look at it this should actually be about you leaving your husband, sorry.

Please don’t base having a baby on what a tot days! What does she know. She’s a baby herself and knows nothing.

Perhaps if it was worded “do you want a wee sister that mum will have to spend all her time with and have no time for you” I think the answer would be different! (I’m not saying it defo would be like this as I know you’d split your time between them as best you could, but a lot of kids feel like their mum has no time for them since the new baby came along and are gutted). And on the issue of time, how much if it do you have to spend on a new baby as you seem to be doing everything with very little assistance. It shouldn’t be this way.

You have a useless lazy husband who uses a child to manipulate you to being another human life into the world. One he will never see really as he will always be out. Sounds like he’s not happy in the relationship either. Sometimes people mistakenly think another baby will somehow solve their marital issues but the reality is that it only makes it worse. He could be trying to trap you at home so you won’t leave him.

Don’t be silly OP. You decide what you want. I would dump the husband, be myself for a while, and then think about a new man.

I don't know what I am going to do. Definitely going to be taking my contraception though! I have told him, I really need our relationship to improve before I would even consider another baby. But I don't know if I even want it to. The thing is, I'm stuck! I earn a modest wage and only work 3 days a week. The house is more mine than his but he would never move out (he has told me this when we've discussed it in arguements) so it would have to be me to leave with DD. My parents have also practically begged me to stay in the relationship and house as they gave me a lot (I mean a LOT lot) of money for a deposit and we are paying them back and they don't want to loose the money. So I have no choice but to stay, at least for now. No wonder I'm living in a fantasy world!

What gives him the right to stay in the property if it's more yours than his? I don't understand.

I'm pretty sure even though we have problems he doesn't want to break up. DP is good at staying in relationships that have failed for the sake of houses. He was in that situation when I met him. The thing is, I can't do that with my life :(

Perhaps you could make an appointment with a solicitor and get advice on where you stand re money.

While trying to decide what you want, consider this hypothetical situation: If the advice came back that you get all the deposit money you/your parents paid in back and he gets his deposit back, and it happens that your house has risen in value, so you both can pay off bills and be free. Would you still want to be with him? That should help you work out if you still want him or not. It could just be the fear of losing the money and having your parents giving you grief that’s putting you off moving. But if they knew how you were being treated would they be ok with that ?

Do get some legal advice though and look at house prices of similar properties in your area. You could still sell up and move to a cheaper house that has lower repayments so he wouldn’t be at work so much to pay those bills and then you could do more as a family. If he pulled his weight would you still want him?

This fantasy of running away with Mr Facebook is just a diversion from what is really going on in your life. Start by setting time aside for you and DP to talk everything through. Couples counselling may help. Having another baby isn't going to mend anything, and having been through postnatal psychosis once, obviously you'd need some reassurance that this wouldn't happen again, or how it would be managed if it does happen. See if you can mend your relationship with DP first, and if there's no going forward, then take steps to end it. Tell your parents what is happening. I don't think the facebook fella means anything other than it's made you realise how desperately miserable you are.