Is this liimerance? How do I stop it?

[futuremrsconnor85]

Hi all, after some advice. Firstly,me and DP have been going through a bad patch. He's away at work half the week, comes home grumpy and tired and wants another baby but I don't (we have a DD, almost 2). We also haven't made love in a fortnight. A couple of weeks ago, a bloke added me on Facebook, probably rather innocently. He's very attractive. While we have never met, he's the brother of someone I know (I must have popped up on his people you may know list) and I can see from his photos that he had bought a house near where I live and separated from his wife. I noticed he viewed my Facebook stories first and he has even liked a couple of them. I have viewed and liked several of his stories. Well, the last week I have become obsessed, seeing if he's online all the time and Facebook stalking him. I think it's because he's the first attractive male to show me even a low level of attention in a few years. I have driven pass his house hoping to see him and spent a lot of the last week daydreaming about us running away together. Today I felt so obsessed with him I feel sick. This has escalated quickly. From what I've read, this might be limerance? But I've never even met him! I'm scaring myself to be honest. How can I stop this? Sorry if I sound like a psycho...apart from this I don't think I am! Has anyone had limerance before?

Sort of, assuming you buy into it being a 'thing'. I met a guy at work, chemistry was v much there and i felt like i couldn't stay away. Probably would describe it as limerance. A marriage, two kids and a divorce later, hes just another twat who became an ordinary guy once the eveyday mundanity of life took over. If you want to save your marriage, block and ignore. It really is that simple. You CAN control it and CAN choose what to do. Limerance isnt something you helplessly 'catch' like an illness. Take control.

You haven’t even seen him in real life!!!!
You haven’t spoken to him!!
It’s not limerance, it’s insanity.
Imagine if a man was doing this to you

You're unhappy in your marriage and this daydreaming is what you're doing as an escape and to imagine a more fulfilling life. It's kind of limerance/infatuation (if there's a difference) but on the other hand, you haven't met the bloke, so it's pure fantasy. It seems to be mostly based on physical appearance, so maybe part of it is you're horny? Either way, it's clear you aren't happy in your marriage. Xxx

People can see you've viewed their Facebook stories?

It’s stalking. Which is pretty much the same as limerence anyway.

Yep people can see you've viewed their Facebook stories, it comes up. He's often one of the first to view my stories which is adding fuel to that fantasy as I think he is interested :( Either way, I've got to control this.

A harmless crush is one thing, but and at the driving past his house and imagining you running away together.

Focus on fixing or ending your relationship, and stop harassing this stranger

Thank you for talking some sense into me!

This has no happy outcome, op. Even if you ended your relationship and started something with him, how embarrassing to admit you've done this! Or keep it a secret forever? Also a bad idea.

Perhaps he isn't voluntarily viewing your story first, it's just popping up because you're his newest Facebook friend. I don't know how it works.

@futuremrsconnor85 If you do any write at all then journal around it. Write stories or poems or just ramblings. Getting it out of your head and on to a page can help. It can also help see things in a new perspective.

@crustycrab I'm so sorry for laughing but I could almost feel your panic when I read that!

You're right Themyscira, I hadn't thought of that.
Anastasia, I'm definitely going to write it down, I started forming a poem in my head today so will get it down. Thank you.

Oh dear, I think you need to block him and focus on your real life op.

I will add that I do believe a crush is natural and mostly harmless, but this can't even be a crush as you don't even know him!

Just noticed your username, are you getting married?

Really, this is silly OP. And I hate to break it to you, but he's a man - no doubt he's drooling over pictures of dozens of women he's attracted to. You would be insane to pursue this and jeopardise your relationship and your child's home life, remember that

Always, I was going to get married and then I fell pregnant and the wedding went on the back burner! I've just bloody seen this bloke's changed his profile picture to the one I liked 😂...oh god I sound so laughable don't I. Blocking is a good idea. I think I need something in real life to focus on. My DP has just been on the phone and he sounds a lot more upbeat so hopefully this weekend will be better and free of arguements. Thank you all for your advice x

Please deal with your partner fairly. Either try to fix things with him or end the relationship with him before even thinking of embarking on a new relationship. It is horrible to find out that your partner has been having an affair, whether physical or emotional or anything else. It isn’t a fair thing to do.

Unfollow quick if you block it will be obvious

Superb monkey you are right. I think I'm going to try and fix things with my partner first, at least I will try. If it was roles reversed I'd be pretty gutted :/ I don't always like him at the moment but I do still love him.

I wonder who came up with this rubbish of limerance. Yea another fancy name for cheating. OP nip this in the bud. If you dp was doing this then you wouldnt be thinking Aww hes suffering with limerance, you would be upset that hes possibly cheating.

Thank you for that. There are so many of us on here suffering from partners not doing the right thing and not acting with integrity. It’s good to know that there is someone who can do so. You will be in an better place for that.

@AnastasiaBeverleyHills yep. Couldn't care less if OP has got this limerance thing! People know I've been stalking looking at their stories. Bugger

No, limerence is a big word for stalking. Or obsession. Or basically behaving in a creepy way but trying to make out it's all beyond your control and soooo romantic etc

Stop it. Seriously.

Yikes.
Stop it.

I know I have to stop it. It's fine saying it, but I think it's because I'm craving excitement that I'm not getting in my relationship. How do you solve that?

I wonder who came up with this rubbish of limerance. Yea another fancy name for cheating. OP nip this in the bud. If you dp was doing this then you wouldnt be thinking Aww hes suffering with limerance, you would be upset that hes possibly cheating.

^Thjs.