Am I in the wrong?

[teardropsfall]

My husband leaves his job in a few weeks. He had an emotional affair and kiss with woman there. All over now and back to normal working relationship.
Very difficult for me to deal with , especially as they are still working together.
Now he tells me that he will still have to take calls from her and others if and when they need advice. I said I would prefer if this didn't happen and he said I was been difficult,
On the one hand I can see why she needs to contact him, and I wouldn't have a problem if they hadn't had the relationship.
I suggested she contacts other professionals for help but he said he knows and obvious to ask him.
We have disagreed about this and he just goes on at me saying" I've told you it's over" and that I need to accept it.
I in turn feel frustrated, angry and upset but he just doesn't understand and makes me feel in the wrong.
Obviously glad he is leaving but it has been a very difficult time and a lot of pain and tears. I'm still struggling with it all and other stuff. he is desperate to move on and for me to forget.

Small steps op.

Two years ago I left my marriage after 28 years and by far the most difficult thing was making the decision in the first place. Once I'd actually decided, things fell into place more easily than I was expecting.

Give yourself permission to start thinking about it and making small changes. Do you work? Could you increase your hours? Could you start putting money aside (if you need to?)

It's very hard to make one giant step when it comes to leaving a marriage but you will get there if you give yourself permission to start moving forward.

Good luck.

He sounds emotionally abusive to me.

Also, he's still in the affair with this woman. He gaslights you and bullies you into shutting the fuck up, but your "obsession" with it is because you know perfectly well underneath it all that he's still on with her.

He's putting the ow before you then? How's that making a go of things with you OP? YANBU. You've stopped seeing clearly as he's bullied you into submission and made you weak. I wouldn't mention her again. Ever. Go cold. No point in tormenting yourself and he's going to play the same old record anyway so you'll just get more grief. She really isn't of any significance. Feel sorry for her in what she'll be lumbered with after you've gone. Just sort your finances out and make plans to leave. Have you any trusted friends in rl that you can talk to OP? You deserve better than this pig my lovely.

Two years ago I left my marriage after 28 years and by far the most difficult thing was making the decision in the first place. Once I'd actually decided, things fell into place more easily than I was expecting.

Almost exactly the same for me, OP. Once I decided to leave my abusive ex, I was pretty ruthless in getting everything sorted.

But that decision was so hard, it took me two years to make it.

It was s hard few months initially, after I left, but the DC and I are in a much better place now.

Thank you everyone and so much of what you say helps me and sorry I haven't replied to everyone.
Cambionome and multicolourMophead what you both say about leaving after such a long time encourages me.
He has told me he will put me first but then his behaviours show otherwise. I feel like he has put her first, even though he says it's over, he still likes her. She is married and I do believe what went on is over but he still won't fully commit to me and he has made it all a smooth ride for her if you get me.
One time when I said I might come in to his work place to speak to her he said he would ban me from there! That hurt me so much. He has done his level best to keep it all hidden and ok there and I feel that I've had to pay the price at home and in the marriage. When I did meet her (not in the workplace) and speak to her he was very angry with me. I was an emotional wreck. She didn't care less and appears quite tough about it all. I don't completely trust him. I wonder and question other things now and stuff in the past.
Hope I make sense.

Yes, you make sense op and I really feel for you. You absolutely do not have to put up with his very unkind behaviour.

Start allowing yourself to believe that you can get out and slowly, slowly start to put plans in place. Can you speak to anyone in real life who will give you support?

He clearly does put her first. Reminds me a bit of my ex who insisted it was fine to have long conversations with his ex-OW because he couldn't possibly "snub" her - to hell with how I felt about it .

Give him the boot. Made me feel a ton better.

Nope fuck that. I'd not be having this.. if he's truely sorry and wants to make it better he'd be bending over backwards to make you feel happy and aware. But his actions still show he's only interested in himself. He sounds egotistical and a complete knob head