MIL thinks DH is perfect.

[Lalalalalola]

I told MIL I am very unhappy with DH and that I am wanting to leave him. I explained that he gives me no time to do my work, any hobbies and seems to just please himself. He doesn't talk to me, spend much time with me and is very lazy.

She defended him.

I feel invisible as my own parents aren't around. Like I am just here to make children and grandchildren and because I'm not blood related, I don't matter. We spend a lot of time with DHs parents. She said that DH isn't the issue and that not having my own parents around is.
I realise I am on my own. He has always been her favourite out of her 3 children.
Every time I see MIL she just wants to get me on my own to ask me how her precious son is whilst I am treading water myself- she is always concerned for him in some way or another. Yet her son is making my life unbearable. All of this came pouring out to her the last time she told me she was worried about him. She concluded that she didn't want to hear any of it and was not getting involved. I responded that I need help as I am not coping.
She changed the subject.
How do I behave around her when I see her next? I feel let down and a little embarrassed as I became evidently frustrated by her responses.

If you're leaving him then you don't need to see her again.

I think I was hoping she might speak to him before it got to that point. I can't up and leave just yet as I don't have the financial security at the moment, so I will definitely need to see her again.

She’s not going to do what you want her to do.
Make a decision then start working towards it. There’s always a way and sometimes it’s worth going through a bit of an upheaval to start living a happier life.
Don’t waste time if you don’t have to.

Whenever she asks how he is, just say, "Oh he's fine, the same old lazy bugger that he's always been. He'll always be fine - he puts himself first."

God help her when she's old enough to need someone to look after her.

Every time I see MIL she just wants to get me on my own to ask me how her precious son is whilst I am treading water myself

Avoid, and have some stock phrases if you get caught. And don't make the mistake of thinking she's family. She's proved she's not.

She will not help you. And neither will her son it seems. If I were you I wouldn’t worry too much about being direct and burning bridges with her. She sounds like a rubbish MIL. I bet she really doesn’t want her useless son ‘abandoned’ so us playing up the ‘I’m worried about him’ to make it harder for you to leave.

You really do not need to see his mother again and she will merely continue to defend her most favourite son to the hilt. She is not family and is someone further you need to avoid.

Lol I had an ex MIL like that, hence the ex..!! Dont even bother trying to bad mouth him, she will always think the sun shines out of his proverbial. Leave him and her for a happier life.

Why do you have to see her? You don’t have to. Do you always go and do things you don’t really want to do. If your DH wants to go see her. Fine. Whilst he’s over there that’s when you do your work or your hobbies. Time to start standing up for yourself. You have to see them once a year to be polite. They don’t support you and aren’t your friend so no reason to go more than that. Start using your time more wisely and stop spending precious time/life on people that mean nothing to you.

I see her every Tuesday morning when I drop my DC off on my way to work and again when I collect him. Not seeing her is going to be extremely difficult when she does a day of childcare each week to help out and I drop-off and collect DC.

When you see her and she asks how her precious son say "just the same as always" and say no more. If she presses tell her to ask her son how he is. I wouldn't be discussing my marriage with my MIL when she obviously thinks her son has no faults.

Find new childcare.

Keep it superficial. Don't confide in her again. Have some stock superficial answers for when she asks about her son. If he wants to see them on the weekends, he can take DC and you can use that time to do what you want.

Are you genuinely surprised? Where do you think you're DH learned his behaviour from?

In all honesty, I would kind of expect a parent to side with their child.

The best thing in any kind of relationship break up is to try and avoid dragging every one else into it. She may still have to look after the DC if and when you separate.

It was never about dragging MIL into it. She was again asking me about him, telling me how hard he works and how worried she is for him. I guess I had heard enough and told her how things really are at this moment in time. I needed her to see that I am struggling because of him. I naively hoped she might help us by talking to him about me, the way she seems to talk to me about him. It backfired and she's probably going to be more worried for him now that she knows I plan to leave him. It was an act of desperation in a frustrated moment where again, it was all about poor DH.

At least you are married so should get something when you split. Sad she’s an arse. Honestly, I just don’t get these mamas and their sons. WTF is that all about.

Superficial stock answers are definitely going to be a good way forward now. I won't be confiding in her from now on.

Superficial stock answers are definitely going to be a good way forward now. I won't be confiding in her from now on.

^^this is how I have been with mine for the past 25 years because I know that when push cane to shove she would always take DH's side. Sorry you've found out yours is the same the hard way and that you are having such a tough time.

She's his mother, of course she defended him. If you need friends or someone to confide bad shit about your husband his mother is not the person.

And you can't expect her to fight your battles. If my daughters partner started telling me bad stuff about my daughter and expected me to step in, I'd defend my child and refuse to get involved. Exactly as she did. My daughter will always come first for me. I'd also quietly tell my daughter about it. I see nothing wrong with your mils behaviour.

I'm sorry but I see everything wrong with yours.😔

She's not going to be on your side
Make your plans and leave him

I see nothing wrong with your mils behaviour.

The thing is that not everyone has someone to take their side. And I keep my MIL at massive arms length because I know she is this ilk.

Time to start moving forward with plans to make your way without him, or his mum.
hopefully once the split is real, she will stop going on about him to you

OP, my mum thinks I’m perfect. If my DH confided in her that he was unhappy and thinking of leaving me, there is absolutely no chance she would sympathise with him even if he had lots of good reasons. That’s just how it is I’m afraid.

I’m really sorry that you don’t have the support of your own mum, but honestly, it’s unrealistic to expect MIL to change.

I'm 100% with @Bluntness100 here. Unfortunately she's DH's mother first and foremost so, 99/100 times she's going to take his side - that's the way you'll be for your own children too.

I have an ex DH & MIL like this. I called it Golden Child syndrome. He was brought up by his gushing mother who taught him that he was perfect. He was the cleverest, best looking, kindest most wonderful boy known to mankind.

By the time he became an adult he had learnt that women are second rate citizens who are only here to provide sex, provide an heir, cook and clean. Even as a 40 year old man, his mother would still rave about how perfect he was, how he had such a wonderful job and worked so hard. This was despite the fact that he worked a lot less hours then me and his work often involved long drinking sessions while supposedly networking . She wouldn't accept any criticism of him at all and his ego matched his up bringing.

The only way to deal with people like this if you wish to be treated like a person and not a domestic appliance is to leave. For your own self respect, get away from this family. It will never improve until you do and while you allow your MIL to provide child care, she is potentially having a bad influence on your DC.