MIL thinks DH is perfect.

[Lalalalalola]

I told MIL I am very unhappy with DH and that I am wanting to leave him. I explained that he gives me no time to do my work, any hobbies and seems to just please himself. He doesn't talk to me, spend much time with me and is very lazy.

She defended him.

I feel invisible as my own parents aren't around. Like I am just here to make children and grandchildren and because I'm not blood related, I don't matter. We spend a lot of time with DHs parents. She said that DH isn't the issue and that not having my own parents around is.
I realise I am on my own. He has always been her favourite out of her 3 children.
Every time I see MIL she just wants to get me on my own to ask me how her precious son is whilst I am treading water myself- she is always concerned for him in some way or another. Yet her son is making my life unbearable. All of this came pouring out to her the last time she told me she was worried about him. She concluded that she didn't want to hear any of it and was not getting involved. I responded that I need help as I am not coping.
She changed the subject.
How do I behave around her when I see her next? I feel let down and a little embarrassed as I became evidently frustrated by her responses.

I don't want to divert the thread, but how on Earth is defending my child and not getting involved the equivalent of bad mouthing someone and chucking them out? And if you look back through my posts you will see I did say I would love care for them like an extended family memeber.

This is just very odd and I'm not going to respond any further to your accusations I said something I clearly didn't.

Taking your child's side over everything. That behaviour has implications for how your daughter/ son in law views you. If they divorced you would take the side of your child. That impacts on trust in the relationship.

You did say that - it is in bold. Bluntness works both ways.

I asked my narcissistic Mil for help with my ex narc husband when he was being abusive to myself and our children.
She didn’t want to get involved ( she is a qualified Bacp counsellor). Nor would my ex Sil speak to him about his behaviour.
I realise now with education and therapy that they were all cluster b personality disordered and he was enabled by their behaviour.

My ex Mil and ex narc husband were enmeshed, so she was never going to help. He is her blue eyed boy, her golden child, and now he is her surrogate husband.

Personally I have an 18 year old son, if his girlfriend came to me and said his behaviour is damaging our relationship, can you speak to him, I would do it for her.

I would simply say to him, your behaviour is damaging your relationship and you need to change it or you will stand to lose her.

I love my son, but I would like to see both sides of a situation.

I was being abused in my marriage, my ex Mil might have changed things, but she chose not to help me or her grandchildren.

Now I’m divorced from them both.

MIL - 'How is DS?'
YOU - 'He's your son, so why don't ask him yourself?'

Get that plan in place to leave.
Why are you 500 miles away from your family?
Would they help you?

No help at all from family unfortunately. I have a grandmother closeby but she is in her late 80s. Sometimes, I tell her things and she gives me the odd nugget of wisdom. She can see that I am struggling and has made comments about DHs many absences. She is in a retirement home so we can not stay with her.

She sounds pretty annoying to go on and on about him when you see her once a week. It isn't like she hasn't seen him in months.

I would just act like you didn't hear her.

As for sticking up for my child, of course I would but I am able to listen to their partner if they came to me.

Listening and offering advice if I have any, isn't going against my DC.
I might even see if I can talk to them together as a facilitator; something I'm really good at.

If my DC was abusing their spouse or child, I'd want to know.