My Wife left our family home

[Theboatisinthebarn]

I have been happily married to my wife for 26 years the last six months of our marriage had been really good we would eat out twice a week walk back to the car holding hands telling each other how much we loved each other. The only problem during this time she started texting a man at a local club we were members of. She told me she needed to go out occasionally in the evening's to party and drink. She did this a few times and ended up kissing this man. I got angry and said I would go down and have words with him. Anyway next day she left me and my 20 year old special needs son who can't go outside because of autism and PTSD.
She has cared for him and loved him so much also telling him she would never leave him.
Overnight she changed personality completely became selfish and obsessed with being young again. 1 week later she slept with this guy and told my Autistic son this who told me. She now has rented a flat in town for 6 months. I love my wife dearly and this is tearing me and my son apart.
Has anyone experienced this complete change of personality/midlife crisis. I would welcome comments as the best way to proceed. Yes I do want her back.

Help needed if you have experienced this

Sorry no advice for you hopefully someone will come along shortly but that's what I was thinking mid life crisis big hugs to you, Carnt imagine what your going through

I am sorry you are going through this. My DD is also unable to leave the house and the strain on all areas of our family life is immense. Have you spoke to your wife about why she has gone? Is she in love with the guy or just in love with the idea of breaking free?

Who's been the primary carer of your son all these years?

Was residential care ever suggested? Has your wife simply hit the wall - can't do it anymore?

I'm also wondering if caring for your son has caused some kind of breakdown. Do you think this might be the case?

My wife has been the primary carer. And yes I think she has hit the wall. But she has lost all love and care for all of us just overnight.

I would imagine that - as her son reached age 20 - she finally had to confront the fact that she would be a carer for a low functioning autistic child until her death and she decided she wanted something different.

How would you feel about residential care for your son? Has this ever been discussed?

Yes I do but she thinks she is 20 years old again with not a care in the world.

I'm thinking that your wife has felt like she's drowning with no possible rescue in sight. I can't even imagine how difficult being a full-time carer for a disabled child is. It has got to be completely soul destroying. She literally has no life of her own. I don't think I could cope with that, honestly.

Could your son be placed in residential care?

I think that so many of a Carer’s needs and emotions have to be put to one side to get through each day that breaking free becomes very attractive. The guy might just be the key that unlocked the door.

I am guessing that your son is able to be left alone for periods of time or do you get respite to go out to dinner with your wife?

How old is your wife? Has she had a career or stayed at home with your son?

I think she is in love with the lifestyle of being free and is infatuated with this man. Just wondered if 6 months away from all of us would really help her and if I should have any contact with her during this time or not.

Have you offered to go to counselling with her? You should, at the very least, go yourself. You need help to deal with all this.

These responses do piss me off. If this had been a wife posting about her husbands behaviour I am damn sure that nobody would be making excuses for his behaviour.

It depends if you work? Can you look after your son alone? Can you leave your son and go to work? Has your wife refused to see your son?

It is mainly the last year he has become dependent since being bullied. He has functioned quite well before that. Yes he can be left alone just won't go out. He was due to start treatment for this the week after she left but has been put on hold because what's happened. We had waited 8 months for this treatment.

Sorry to read this, a terrible situation for you. :(

Sounds like your wife has suffered a midlife crisis of sorts and succumbed to the attentions of another.

I can understand the relentless stress of being a carer but that (imo) isn't a valid excuse for her behaviour.

What will you do re looking after your son/work etc in the upcoming weeks?

She has had jobs on and of but not a career.

I don’t think being a Carer is an excuse but I think understanding why the OP’s wife has gone may help the OP going forward after all the care responsibilities will not go away and wanting the wife back may not be for the right reasons.

Oh OP push on with treatment if you can.

He can be left alone but I stay around most of the day to make sure he is alright. 2 years ago we moved to a rural part of Wales to enjoy the countryside. So now I work part time in my own business but can't do that at the moment due to stress. I pay someone to fill in for me. After the 6 months of renting another property is up we would have no savings left. Just don't know what to do.

These responses do piss me off. If this had been a wife posting about her husbands behaviour I am damn sure that nobody would be making excuses for his behaviour.

Mumsnset double standards in full force on this thread.

Why would you entertain taking her back? She told your son she was sleeping with another man. Have some self respect. See a solicitor and divorce her. You will never trust her again if you ever take her back

Thank you. What I would like to know if anyone else has experienced this and how they got threw it.

OP has your wife said she no lingers wants to see if support your son?