Husband is a nasty ####

[notanothershitday]

I've been around for a while but couldn't sign in!!
Had to sign up again,
Don't know where to turn me and hubby argue and fight all the time, he won't except any of my family or grown up children from my previous relationship will sulk and not talk to me if he hears me talking on the phone to them, this goes on for days, one of my family popped in on Monday so I haven't been spoken to until today, his called me every name under the son with the usual fat c@@t frigid, waste of space pushed past me and raised his fist in my face, I'm getting over a cancer diagnosis and have had to do it without any support from him, finished chemotherapy in July and often get told he hopes I die,
I just don't feel like I can carry on, if I refuse sex I'm punished for it, I've asked him to leave and he's refusing to go and getting more and more angry with me so I'm upstairs out of the way,
Sorry for ranting just don't know we're to turn

If you're married, you're unlikely to be able to keep him out of the house without legal intervention, as whether the house is in your name or not, it's likely to be considered a marital asset and he has a right to be there. You can change the locks and refuse entry, but he could legally still make entry to your home. Obviously if there was violence, damage to property or the threat of violence etc you could call the police etc.

You need to box a bit clever, get an occupation order and probably a non-molestation order. You need to speak to a solicitor and get support from Women's Aid or local DV services.

If you're in danger, call the police.

You must speak to Women's Aid/police to get a safe exit plan sorted out.

This man is violent and dangerous. He will esculate things.

The police need to be told of everything he has done. Take pictures of the bruises and marks.

Everything needs to be written down and recorded for police and courts.

Don't change the locks until you have spoken to Women's Aid/ Police.

Tell your brother and any family or friends.
If the neighbour who saw the car incident is a good friend tell them.

You must keep yourself and child safe from him.

Tell Macmillan nurses, tell consultants let any health professional know exactly what he is doing to you. Hopefully they can help you and keep you safe from this disgusting excuse for a human being.

Say nothing to him . Be low contact. When he goes to work, you phone Women's Aid, the police3.
If he takes your phone away again , go to your neighbours and ask to use their phone.

Stay safe.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. You don’t deserve any of this. This is serious abuse, you only get one life to live & hope you’re able to escape & soon. Please please please ask for help from professionals, family, your doctors...people can & will help if you let them in. Yes plenty won’t understand or believe but people are there to help, but you need to ask. All the best

Please call Women's aid:
<a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.womensaid.org.uk/about-us/contact/" target="_blank">https://www.womensaid.org.uk/about-us/contact/
0808 2000 247
They will help you

Get your brother round as soon as the bastard has left for work. Get locks changed and have your bro there for when the bastard tries to get in. Really, really wishing you good luck.

Change the locks, call the police. Ask if they can attend for when he is due to arrive home. If not and he becomes aggressive then call 999. Have him arrested and get an injunction. Do everything you can to keep yourself safe and free of this controlling piece of shit.

Please, please don't change locks without advice. The last thing you want is to lock him out only to find that you have to let him back in.

If he's working, use the day to make phone calls to WA and solicitors. And to pack a 'bug out bag' with a change of clothing, meds, some cash, and important documents. Then hide it somewhere.

I'm not a legal expert but I do know that you can change the lock if you want to. If he does have a legal right to be in the house, let him go through the legal channels to get it. I know its a marital asset but I'm not convinced that gives him a right to live there, only a right to perhaps a share in it.
Seek legal advice ASAP and contact Women's Aid.
But firstly, please tell your brother!

That is a horrible situation for you to be in, notanother. He is abusive.

You say you have a teenager and the guy threatens that you wouldn't get custody because of your illness; any court will listen to the wants and needs of a teenager.

As others have said, get some professional advice pronto. Your home is yours - thank goodness - so you can get rid of him. There's no way that you should be the one leaving.

What kind of an evil, controlling bully attacks someone recovering from cancer?

I do hope you 'get your ducks in order' and that you fully recover from your illness.

Please please call women's aid. You are worth so much more than being treated like this. You should be safe and comfortable in your own home. If your in immediate danger call 999.

Sorry, but marriage gives him "home rights".

Op needs to do it the right way, the legal way, the safer way. Get him legally excluded. Report the domestic violence.

OP, Get help now. You know you are in danger. I hate to say it but this man could kill you. You are a mum and your kid needs you. Contact Women's Aid, the Police, and tell your family.

Thank you everyone for advice, I've got a Macmillan nurse and think I will call her first thing in morning, he's been back to ranting and being really angry because my daughter called me, she's away with her partner's family, I was staying out of his way but he kept coming upstairs to listen to my conversation and now has the raging hump as he doesn't like me talking to anyone, his already said that none of my family are allowed in my home and definitely not welcome over Christmas, don't even know what I've done wrong

You haven't done anything wrong. He is abusing you. Please make sure he can't find this thread. Others will be able to advise the best way to do that.

OP you've done nothing wrong, he's just trying to control you by isolating you.
Definitely speak to women's aid, and try and get a plan for getting him out!
Nobody should be treated the way he is treating you.
Stay strong OP, you deserve better than this!

You say don't even know what I've done wrong. I don't think you've done anything wrong. Your DH is abusing you presumably because it meets some need he has. He may just enjoy it.

Please report him to the police. When it comes to the house, your teenager and your own freedom the best thing you can do is to let everyone know what's happening to you behind closed doors.

Telling the nurse is a very good idea. And if you ring the police while your DH is at work they may be able to be with you when he's due home. Once they know what's been happening they will be able to advise.

OP, call Womens Aid, not your Macmillan nurse. A Macmillan nurse will not be properly trained to help in abusive situations.

What do you want for your future? Do you want to stay like this for the rest of your life?

You poor thing
Please get help to purge yourself of this abhorrent cunt 😠

I think telling the nurse is a good idea. Not instead of the police, WA or other DV agencies but as well as. It will be helpful if the medical team as a whole knows about this additional dreadful stress you're under. The nurse will be better able to support if she knows the truth.

@notanothershitday what time will you see the nurse today? I have no experience of what you are going through either healthwise or with the person you are living with but I do think that the hardest thing you will do is to tell someone in real life. You've made a big step and told lots of us on the internet and people who have been through what you are going through can offer lots of advice. The next step is to tell someone in real life - whether the nurse, your brother, your next door neighbour, the police - its up to you. Maybe the nurse could ring your brother on your behalf? xx Thinking of you.

Hi, sorry not updated until now,

he actually hasn't left for work yet, his being a bit clingy and following me about,
Cant make any calls until he goes to work, it's like he knows I'm waiting for him to leave,
Trying my hardest not to annoy him

Please call the police and get him out. I'm very concerned for your safety.

Well done for being brave to post here. You are very inspirational to other people for doing that. Do you have any friends or family who you can turn to? Do you have a car? Please pack a quick getaway bag with some overnight things and important paperwork, bank details, passport. Have you thought of loading an online app for domestic abuse onto mobile?

You are none of the names he is calling you ... this is the sort of thing abusers do, and will home in on areas which are hurtful and vulnerable.

Keep a diary of events in your mobile calendar if necessary. I think you need to go to the police too for advice. Take care and much love and thank you for being so brave to post. xxx

call the police as soon as he leaves. Then call your brother while you wait for them to arrive.