Husband is a nasty ####

[notanothershitday]

I've been around for a while but couldn't sign in!!
Had to sign up again,
Don't know where to turn me and hubby argue and fight all the time, he won't except any of my family or grown up children from my previous relationship will sulk and not talk to me if he hears me talking on the phone to them, this goes on for days, one of my family popped in on Monday so I haven't been spoken to until today, his called me every name under the son with the usual fat c@@t frigid, waste of space pushed past me and raised his fist in my face, I'm getting over a cancer diagnosis and have had to do it without any support from him, finished chemotherapy in July and often get told he hopes I die,
I just don't feel like I can carry on, if I refuse sex I'm punished for it, I've asked him to leave and he's refusing to go and getting more and more angry with me so I'm upstairs out of the way,
Sorry for ranting just don't know we're to turn

He sounds exactly like my ex husband. I put up with the name calling, the mental abuse, all the little things like walking past and kicking me or squeezing my nose to belittle me. I put up with it numerous times a day, every day for almost 10 years because I was so worn down I felt useless. It was only when I found out he was having an affair, I snapped and thought how dare he do this after everything else he put me through. Kicked him out, divorced him, moved house and eventually got myself a toyboy and have never been happier. Dont let this man take anymore of your life, he is standing in the way of your future and your happiness and you are worth so much more

He's an abuser in every way, including physically. Please leave. xxx

This is awful OP. He’s a total bastard.

You should not put up with anyone calling you names or hurting you. He clearly doesn’t love you. Youve put up with his shit so long it feels normal but it’s not.

You don’t need him in your life. Your child will be witnessing all this crap. It will affect them too.

He’s isolating you from family to control you. Classic.

Can you move in with family for a while?

Speak to women’s side ASAP. They’ve seen it all before and can advise you best. He’s a bully. The police will be able to help if he attacks you again. I think they put guys like him in a cell overnight so you can get your stuff out and go but don’t quote me on that. Or wait until he goes to work and get your stuff then so you can sneak away. He won’t like you leaving and I’m concerned what he will do if he realises you are. It has to be done in secret.

Good luck op. You deserve better.

This is so, so wrong OP. You do not have to put up with this. And there is no way he’ll “get custody” of your teen. Their wishes and welfare are the primary concern.

Do you have a Macmillan nurse? If so, and if you’re already comfortable with them, you could maybe ask them for help too. At the very least, your team needs to know you are dealing with additional stress in your life so they have the opportunity to help.

You should keep your child with you.

When I kicked my ex out he said all those things about me, that they'd be great eithout me, that I should leave the children with him if I wanted to split. No chance.

I had a one year old and a two year old, I wasn't up for them being uprooted or without their mum. My ex would have treated them badly anyway.

May I ask does the house belong to you? You may find it's easy to get rid of him if so x

I'm sorry OP, he sounds unbearable. I hope you are recovering from your treatment and have the all clear. It must be a huge thing to deal with on your own!
The longer you stay the longer you risk him doing serious physical harm to you. It's only going to escalate further, he's clearly unreasonable and controlling and asking him to leave is not going to work. In the long run you need legal help, but in the time being you need to find somewhere safe to go. Does your teenager know how he treats you? Has he ever harmed your child? If it is safe to do so and will cause less upset, then leave without your teenager, but let them know you are going and why.
Have you a friend or relative you could stay with until things are legally sorted? If he gets more aggressive or abusive you must report to the police. Even if you are just in fear of what he could do, as they can have your number programmed to send a police response if you call regardless if you speak or not.
Stay strong, you are not fat and ugly, you are a cancer survivor and a wonderful mum, with a lot to give and live for xxx

What a piece of shit he is. I'm so sorry. Wishing you strength.

This is heartbreaking to read. Please call the police or and have him removed from your home if you are able to do this!

What a vile creature!

Are you able to change the locks whilst he’s at work and tell him he’s not welcome back to the house? Or will this cause massive fireworks?

You need support op not a verbal and physical bashing on a daily basis! How can someone be so cruel.

Also one for calling the police next time he kicks off.
Record his rants as evidence. Teenager will get to pick who hey want to live with.
He is vile

It certainly is heart breaking to read!!
What an absolute bastard! Men like him deserve to be kicked to shit!
Please find the strength to leave this piece of shut!

Thank you so much for replying it means a lot especially when your used to being ignored,
Sorry it's took so long but he took my phone and switched it off, said I would call my brother and tell him everything so phone got hidden till now,
He's telling me no one would believe me and has I'm deformed from cancer no one will ever want me, thing is I wouldn't ever want another relationship,
Know I need to get away from him, last night he grabbed at my boobs and it really hurt he said I should let him do what he wants to me and stop being so fucking fridged,
It's the first time I've ever said I will tell someone and he actually looks worried in case I tell my brother, just feel so stuck and don't really want to drag family into this,
Need to work ou how to do this as it's my house and he should be the one to leave x

Phone your brother now! Tell him everything.

Please contact Women's Aid. You'd be better not letting your husband know anything that you're doing, he will more than likely escalate the abuse so do whatever you need to to keep yourself safe. I'm sorry you're going through this

Oh no, that's horrendous! Please be careful and do not change the way you act toward him, make sure he doesn't not suspect you are leaving until you get to a safe location. He sounds unhinged, - controlling people can often become far more violent than usual at times when they feel their control is threatened such as if they think their victim is trying to leave :(

I hope you manage to speak to police about what's been happening, they are the only ones who can really ensure your safety and justice for him x

OP, if its your house you can change the locks when he's out.

Please find the courage to tell your family what is going on and get this sorry excuse of a man out of your home and your life.

OP you really need to listen to advice here. Don't tell your partner of any plans to leave or contact anyone as it will escalate the violence as you've experienced.

You need advice from a DV organisation in order to remove him safely. You may be able to get an Occupation Order which means he can be arrested if he comes near the property. An emergency Occ Order can be made for free with the NCDV via referral from the police or a DV organisation. However, I don't know all the details so you need proper advice on this and a risk assessment.

In the meantime, please don't tell your partner of any plans you may have to phone anyone - your brother, the police, DV organisation - no one. Is that clear.

His abuse is escalating (getting worse) and you are at most risk when leaving the relationship. Dial 999 if he grabs you again as what he did is assault.

Please call the police.

Say nothing to him, go into 'stealth mode'. But do tell your brother, as long as he will keep things quiet until you make your move.

Property ownership and marriage rights can be complicated, even when a house is in one party's sole name. Please see a solicitor before you change locks or tell him to leave.

If the asshat hides your phone, think about getting a cheap PAYG phone and hide it for emergencies and privacy. You can keep it charged and turned off. That way you'll always be able to call for help.

Just heard him on the phone and his in work tomorrow, don't know what to do, it is my house so should I get locks changed, last time I didn't let him in he took a hammer to the side of my car,

He took it in the next day to get it repaired which I was without a car for a couple of weeks but he blamed me for that as I left keys in the door to stop him coming in, my neighbour actually witnessed this because of the noise and knocked the next day to see if I was ok,
What's the best way to do this, I feel so scared

Tell your brother and chuck him out. Change your locks and call the police

You need to phone Women's Aid, you were given the number earlier in the thread.

Don't do anything, don't change the locks, don't do anything until you have spoken to Women's Aid or your local DV organisation - there is a link in the thread. Get some advice on protecting yourself and they can tell you what your legal options are given your circumstances.

Phone them OP.

You need to not feel alone. You need your brother. Call him, it sounds like he will care. Then decide on the next thing, with him. I think you could report what's happened up till now, to the police. Tell them you wish him to leave and describe how he reacted last time.
Whatever you do, use this opportunity to do something. Make it real, tell people. Then things will start to change for the better.

If it's your house and your child is a teenager you've got two massive advantages. The courts are likely to take a teenager's views into consideration when deciding who your DC lives with.

The most important thing you can do at present is to make sure the police know what he's doing. You're being abused both mentally and physically. Both are against the law. Get him arrested. You know he's abusive but it's only if he has a record that the courts will be able to take his abuse into account.

Please, if ever you weaken, remember the harm you are doing to your son by allowing him to grow up in an abusive family. Your DH is entirely responsible for the abuse - make no mistake - but you have an obligation to protect your DC from being exposed to this shit.

Hide your car
Change the locks
Call the police as soon as he turns up
Tell as many people as you can about the abuse, so he can't hid
Def tell your family

Xxx

Call 101 and tell them everything! You need help and by not reaching out, you are protecting him over your own safety.

Call now and ask for help.